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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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Loving a boy is easy. A boy is the same creature every day of the month. But loving a girl is a tough call. Girls "go off on one" for about half the month, every month, or more often with a shorter cycle!
That has to be enough to turn you exclusively gay!
[Updated on: Thu, 18 September 2008 15:45]
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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No Message Body
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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Hmmm ... adolescent boys are among the most volatile creatures known to humankind. Given to fits of sudden enthusiastic communication, and prolonged spells of monosyllabic grunts. Having disturbed and disruptive sleep patterns (usually far more so than girls, and for many more years). Also, given to smelly feet (or - which is a million times worse - overuse of scented sprays with macho names like Brut or Lynx).
Boys may be cute, and some of them are loveable (at least, to parents and immediate family), but I certainly wouldn't see them as the easy option.
"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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I have been married to a girl that I will have known for 30 years next month. Almost half that time has been PMS induced mayhem. Give me a boy any time!
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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I lived for 3 years with 4 female flatmates, and a further 10 years with one female flatmate. Yup, PMS was a problem - about 3 days a month I had to a) be supportive and b) be a bit careful what I said.
I've also lived with a male lover - on and off, the longest period being about 3 years. This covered his ages 19-22 aprox ... and it wasn't until towards the end of the period that he'd really turned into a relaxed adult.
I think the answer is - in this case as in most other things to do with bisexuals - that it isn't the gender of the loved one that's important, but their character (and hence the relationship).
"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
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unsui
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Likes it here |
Registered: September 2007
Messages: 338
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No Message Body
[Updated on: Fri, 24 October 2008 17:37] |
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Timmy!
Rubbish!
Love,
Anthony
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Dear NW,
I've never really had the experience of living with a man. I miss it - at least I think I do. As my daughter Emily said "If Sylvia died you would be looking for a man, wouldn't you!" and I admitted she was right.
But I've been married and faithful for more than 46 years and who can tell what is to come. [oops]
Maybe I'm more bisexual than I think. Certainly the nearest to being unfaithful that I've come was with another woman. And she, too, knows I am gay!
Well, with luck I'll die first and won't have to face the problem.
Love,
Anthony
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Around here there is a saying "BI NOW GAY LATER"
If you stand for Freedom, but you wont stand for war, then you dont stand for anything worth fighting for.
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Roger wrote:
> Around here there is a saying "BI NOW GAY LATER"
It doesn't always work like that. The four guys with whom I have had long-term relationships have all been - to a greater or lesser extent - bisexual. All four of them subsequently went on to marry women. Two of them are still married, and I've lost track of the other two.
There are times when I think I should seriously consider hiring myself out to the Southern Baptist ex-gay movement: live with NW for a couple of years and you'll end up straight!
"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
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You would not believe the number of men arrested each year in our parks for soliciting sex from other men. Ninty percent of these men are married and supposedly straight. these men are bisexual and they got married and when thier wives aged and lost the desire for sex the men turned to seeking sex with other men, one because that is what they really desired and the other is that they dont consider it cheating on their wives.
If you stand for Freedom, but you wont stand for war, then you dont stand for anything worth fighting for.
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Fingolfin
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Likes it here |
Location: Slovakia
Registered: August 2008
Messages: 265
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Bi now, gay later.
or better:
bi previously, gay now, what later???
that's the story of my life.
Marek
It is better to switch on a small light than to curse the darkness.
- Vincent Šikula, Slovak writer
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Well, Roger with me it was gay now (from 19 to 28) bi later (from 28 to 73).
Love,
Anthony
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Roger wrote:
(snip)
> the other is that they dont consider it cheating on their wives.
That has a familiar ring to it - in my youth I had sex with a number of married men who said that I could offer something their wives couldn't (I never made a play for a married man, but if they asked me I only felt obliged to decline at the *first* time of asking ... ).
But the whole phenomenon of "Men who have Sex with Men" (MSM) is an interesting one. These guys, who do not self-identify as either gay or bisexual, but who have regular casual sexual contact with other men, are a growing concern. MSMs are very hard to reach with Public Health programmes and information. Here in London (where anything up to 1 in 6 gay men are HIV+), there's a growing feeling that it's an area we need to put some effort in to.
"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
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Ah, my dear friend, did you not say that if anything happened to your wife that you would probably take up with a man?
If you stand for Freedom, but you wont stand for war, then you dont stand for anything worth fighting for.
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Dear Roger,
Indeed I did say so and I believe it and I wonder about it. I envy those who have the scope of free choice - but I wonder whether anyone has a free choice. I wonder whether if my love that was unrequited had been returned I would have had the guts to defy society and live with him and escape the laws against homosexual sex.
One thing I am almost sure about and that is that if I were growing up today my life would have been very different. And I am torn whether to regret it or to be glad that I had the life I had (have).
And you? Do you have similar regrets and longings?
Love,
Anthony
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Anthony, I do have regrets but not in the way I think you mean. I had a fantastic lover and companion for over 30 years. We were both out and well known on campus. What I regret mostly is that I disowned my mother and family. I regret that I never had the courage to mend fences with my mother.
If you stand for Freedom, but you wont stand for war, then you dont stand for anything worth fighting for.
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Dear Roger,
I wasn't thinking of a particular sort of regret. I'd be surprised if anyone has no regrets at all. And, yes, your regret that you didn't mend those fences is the sort of thing I'd include.
But I do think I'm amazingly lucky. Most of the time I'm happy. Most of the time people are nice to me even when they tease me for my eccentricities.
I'm sure my family loves me and sometimes wonder how that happened.
But I am getting to live in the past, rather. I think I'm getting repetitive even in my posts on here. I'll be getting maudlin next - so I'll stop now.
Love,
Anthony
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I always knew I was gay. I knew I could never tell another boy that I loved him. My outlet was Tarzan movies and body builder mags. At aged 25 in the 1950's I met a beautiful girl and a fellow artist at the studio where I worked. She was a fun person and we did things together. Not formal dates, just off to the beach, drives in the moutains, just fun things as friends. We never did anything sexual, but she fell in love with me and wanted us to share an apartment as lovers.
My first thought was to bring the relationship to a slow close, but I did love her as a friend and enjoyed the times we spent together. I rationalized that maybe this was a chance to stop being alone. I knew that males turned me on and made my heart beat faster, but I had never really done anything with anyone so was I really gay? Maybe all I needed was a warm body next to me at night to make my life complete. We moved in together.
When I say together, I really mean together. We lived together, worked together, spent our evenings together, vacationed together, we were together 24/7 for ten years. I was sexually faithful to her and was able to perform which was my big fear, but she was a crazy maker. She didn't want me to do anything on my own and the things I tried to share with her she considered a waste of time. The fact that I enjoyed doing them didn't seem important. She would get upset and not speak to me for half a day and when I finally got her to tell what was wrong I was at a loss. It seems that in her dreams the night before, I had done something wrong. This happened time after time and I couldn't make her understand that dreams were not real and the me in her was not really me. This problem became worse and worse and she finally told me she didn't want to continue our life together. Some how she convinced me it was my fault and I fell for it until it finally dawned on me that this was another example of her crazy making.
I went back to living alone, and rediscovered how to live a happy life again; sans the warm body. I met and became friends with a gay man after a few years. It turned into a close and loving friendship. We have been together for some time now. As far as I know he never dreams about me and I hope he never does.
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Dear Uncle Jim,
I'm amazed! You mean that she went off you because of things she dreamed you did but you never really did?
'Crazy making' is the word!
And I'm very glad that you did find a man to live with in the end. Long may it last.
Love,
Anthony
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