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I'm 24, but (I suspect unusually) repressed and sexually inexperienced.
I've just been to a strip club with some friends from work. I had a 'dance' with a young woman who undressed and writhed in front of me for my pleasure.
The young woman was not unattractive, though not particularly attractive in the way that some women are to me. (I should point out at this point that I think I'm probably 80% or so gay, making me potentially bisexual, though I'm by no means sure of the degree.)
Frankly, I found the whole thing embarrassing and it didn't really do anything for me at all.
Does this mean anything -- i.e. I'm not bisexual, but must be gay or asexual? Or does it mean nothing at all? Is it so unlike any 'real' relations that I should just forget it?
David
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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I think it means the experience wasn't an enjoyable one. And it says little to nothing about your sexuality.
I've had good sex and bad sex. Most of my (limited few) experiences with females have been unenjoyable, but that's mostly because all of them have involved alcohol. My drunken experiences with guys have been unenjoyable, too.
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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It means that you are, like 90% of ordinary folk, totally unmoved by a stripper. In other words it means that you are normal. Your orientation is your orientation. This was nothing to do with it. I guy doing the same dance would have left you unmoved, too.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Dear Deej,
In my opinion it doesn't mean anything. I guess I was about the same age when I first went to a night club. Like you it did nothing for me. I too was embarrassed and felt demeaned by it and I was also surprised by the attitude of the rest of the audience.
I felt that they were being childish and dishonestly pretending to want 'this' when what they actually wanted was quite different. Of course it was what *I thought* they wanted - namely loving contact between equals.
Maybe I wanted that because I am mostly gay and that is what gay men may get if they are lucky, but I also think it is what straight men, at least the kind ones want. The yob or football hooligan's attitude to women does seem to me despicable.
When I was in my thirties I occasionally went abroad for my company supporting the salesmen and I can remember feeling an outsider when they all wanted to take the customer to night clubs. The lascivious way those people talked about a particular nightclub called "The Crazy Horse" really put me off and on my guard and caused me to despise them.
And IMHO it does mean something: that you are a decent guy who is able to be honest about his feelings.
And, although I've never been to one, I think a gay strip club would not really be any better (which is why I don't go).
Love,
Anthony
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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So you had your first lap dance.
Huzzah huzzah..... And as with most lap dances they are not a lot more than a specticle for the other patrons, not the dancee.
Hell.... At least you didnt do what Kevy did when he had his first lap dance....
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Thanks for the responses. I'm glad I'm not 'abnormal' in not enjoying it much. I find the idea of 'love' very attractive, whereas 'lust' ... well, it's terribly inconvenient most of the time, and I'm not used to admitting to it. Usually admitting to it would lead to a punch in the face.
It is certainly a spectacular way of getting rid of large wads of cash (£20 for a couple of minutes)!
Some random bloke at the bar, who had been talking to a couple of my co-workers, said distinctly when I was approaching, "Is this the gay one?" and they shushed him. I have no idea what they had been saying behind my back, though it was definitely disconcerting as I wasn't aware they knew anything about my sexuality.
David
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... a couple of (straight but secure in their sexuality) friends from work say they are happy to accompany me to a gay club or two in Reading.
I'm a total wuss, but now I have no excuse not to visit one. 
David
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Ahh... David!
What terrific friends you have. I think they sense a loneliness in you and are willing to put themselves into what could be an uncomfortable situation for themselves to provide for you. These are definitely friends worth keeping.
I'm sure you'll be way too nervous when you attend your first one to do much more than look around and wishing you were home instead. Go to a number of them with your friends, see which establishment makes you feel least uncomfortable, then pay a couple more visits there over time. As you become relaxed over your surroundings then you can be more attuned to making acquaintances and new friends.
Youth crisis hot-line 866-488-7386, 24 hr (U.S.A.)
There are people who want to help you cope with being you.
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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You are not a wuss for not wanting to go alone to a gay bar.
There is always strength in numbers and now that you have a cadre to accompany you take advantage of the opportunity.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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unsui
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Likes it here |
Registered: September 2007
Messages: 338
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No Message Body
[Updated on: Fri, 24 October 2008 17:29] |
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Dear Deej,
You don't need an excuse. I don't need an excuse not to go to church.
A gay man isn't required to go to a gay club. I suppose it could be fun but I would be surprised to meet someone there that I *really* liked - maybe because I would have to be fairly desperate to go myself.
But a lot depends on the society you move in and whether you have friends that are gay and unthreatening to you in whose company you can be yourself.
And if I am wrong and what you want is a bit of fun and no commitment then do go and enjoy it. And even go and enjoy it if I'm right but only look on it as edging yourself into forming a circle of gay friends.
In my opinion what I needed was to know enough people to stand a good chance of meeting someone socially (not, I suppose, that meeting someone in a club isn't social!) because I think I stand a better chance of making friends and choosing well if I'm not drunk or hyper or worse and the people I'm meeting aren't either. But I was 33 before homosexual acts between consenting adults stopped being criminal and nearly all gay men were firmly in the closet. You stand a much better chance today.
Love
Anthony
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Anthony,
You're not wrong that I'm looking for something deeper than the shallow social interaction one seems likely to come across at a gay club. However, I'd like to leave no stone unturned, and while I'm still fairly young I would like to know what goes on in those places! I really don't know if I'd enjoy it or not, but I don't want to miss out in the unlikely event it might turn out to be my 'thing'.
More generally, I'm not altogether sure how to 'break in' to any sort of gay community in the area I now live. Since I'm likely to be here for a while (I've just committed to renting a flat -- exciting!) I ought to try and establish something out beyond work. I am fairly sure that I don't know anyone in Reading (in real life) who might be willing to introduce me to other gay people (in real life). And while I have quite a number of older gay friends established through this board and elsewhere, they tend not to know very many people of around my age, particularly who live in or near Reading.
The only other option I can think of is internet dating, but I've been frustrated by that in the past, and I'm not sure I have enough time for it these days -- though perhaps I ought to make time. It is also full of terribly shallow people, but at least one can easily block them out.
David
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Dear Deej,
I'm glad that I seem to have read between the lines and found the right message. Thank you for that. I'll have a think about it.
Love,
Anthony
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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Quite often a being a great "Best Gay Friend" of a girl can lead to introductions. I say this without personal knowledge, so it is all hearsay, I fear. But maybe someone can ratify it or shoot it down
[Updated on: Sat, 27 September 2008 22:57]
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Thank you, everyone, for your replies to this thread. Coming back to it, I'm surprised I started it, but I had had a bit too much to drink earlier and it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Anyway, the more I think about it the more I realise that, for most people, something like my experience on Friday night would be pretty unremarkable. So I've made a new month's resolution to buck up and stop analysing these things too much, and to try and widen my range of experiences. So I wasn't turned on by a woman I didn't find terribly attractive? Well, I expect it would be the same for many straight people too.
I'll try and post here a bit more, too. You're a great lot.
David
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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Very few people are attracted to strippers. Never expect an erection from a public display of genitalia, male or female. Be pleasantly surprised if it happens, but that stripper is not coming home with you.
Do keep to not over analysing.
Carry condoms. Not the over the counter stuff for str8 sex only. Carry those anyway, and find out what a girl feels and tastes like, but get some proper condoms for the possibility of anal sex.
Get them free from your local sexual health clinic. Both sorts. Why pay money when you can get them free. Get lube, too. And if you don't fancy sucking a naked dick, get flavoured ones.
It WAS a good idea to post this. It was an excellent idea. Glad you did.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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You're a good catch. You'll make someone, boy or girl, very happy. Start to believe it. And take a few to bed, have a couple of disasters a couple of good times and LIVE a little
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Timmy writes:
>And if you don't fancy sucking a naked dick, get flavoured ones.
Do they come in cock flavor? ::-)
Youth crisis hot-line 866-488-7386, 24 hr (U.S.A.)
There are people who want to help you cope with being you.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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hahahahahaha. I'd love to say Coq au vin! The flavours simply mask the latex
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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