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I remember back almost five years ago, when I felt completely alone in the world, looking for just one person to understand. I was still young, only 14, probably a bit more naive than (I hope) I am now.
I found this site - A place of safety; and I would secretely, in the dead of night sit infront of my computer in the lounge and read posts. I finally got up the courage to make an account and post my first message. I remember the response was overwhelmingly positive. I made my first - and untill very recently - only good gay friends. They were long distance, but they were closer to me over this electronic network called the internet than any friends I had made untill then, or since. I remember sitting infront of MSN till the early mornings, waiting for my friends in the USA and UK to wake up as the time differences allowed, and just told me about their days. I would be so glad I had made friends who understood that I cried.
Then my life fell apart, my internet connection got cut off for years, and when I finally got things sorted out at least a bit, and got my internet connection back online, it was to hear that by best friend had died, my first friend had doubts about life and I think probably hated me. So I drew back into my shell. Alone. I don't know which immortal forces - if any exist, 'cos I dont belevie in any gods anymore - are compelling me to come back to this site and spew my problems over random strangers like I did once, but they are. I'm probably feeling nostalgic, and I might just click cancel instead of submit, but I would like to talk to someone, anyone, again as good friends. Sigh.
Life goes on, and so must I. Primary school, alone, scared, friendless, and now that I look back on it, probably depressed without anyone knowing it, to the point I am now, at university with scholarships the only money i have, but striving to make something of myself, with a boyfriend I like and aren't afraid to hold hands with in public or in the cinima or restaurant for the first time ever. I know this is kind of random, but I'm glad I can get away from my parents - or what is left of them - except for 14 days out of the year, every year, for the next four, and finally be my own person. I Feel so free. And yet nostalgic. Uncertain. What I have now seems so fragile, so new, still so incomplete that I almost want to laugh at the seeming futility of my life. And as my fingers type of their own volition, I sometimes wonder - Is life really worth this strugle. Don't get me wrong, I'm way past the stage where I wanted to secretly commit suicide alone at night and leave a tearstained note to my family, telling them how much I hate them and how much I love them at the same time.
Maybe theres new hope. A slight, single, candle flickering in a wind on a clifftop far away. I guess what I'm really needing and asking and begging for is for someone to tell me, what NOW, what NEXT, where do I go forward when I feel my life is in a rut and I'm running furiously for the first time and getting nowhere really really slowly. Like a marathon sprint through gelatine. I'm not making much sense, am I? I didn't really intend to. I just wanted to get everying off my chest. It HAS kind of helped. A bit. Maybe. Sigh. I'll just post this now, see who responds, and if someone does, I actually think I might be brave enough to take advice for the first time in a long time.
This is really the end. Sigh. What is the end anyway, I'm only starting to understand that the hazy finishlines in life are actually more of the same breathing spaces you need once in a while. Wow. This post is getting really long. I guess I should end it here. Or not end it, as the case may be. Damnit, I just can't seem to make my fingers pour out my verbal diahorea, so I'm gonna click on submit before I type any more senseless dribble. Really. I will. Going. Gone... ... .
A truth told with bad intent
Beats all the lies you can invent
-William Blake
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Just keep hanging in there. You have done great so far. You are not alone.
Gary
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Dear Dewald,
I'm here and ready ti talk if you want. I'm 74 and remember how alone I felt at 18 - and in my case it was only at that age that I first began to have emotional or sexual feelings for anyone outside my family.
At least I'm no threat as I'm in Bristol, England.
Anthony
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I encourage you to keep posting or do attempt to make contact with the many people who regularly post here. They are good people.
Your words caught my attention. In a way, i felt you were stripping down my emotions. One thing you have to remember, you are never alone. There will always be someone out there that is going through the same things you are going through. Just keep holding on.
Take care,
M
P.S. I'm not much older than you so i do understand your feelings. I'm on my own; away from my family and the place i call home; away from the friends i grew up with and just trying to make it. At times i wonder, what will happen to me? I don't know what the future holds.
[Updated on: Sat, 02 May 2009 00:28]
You don't love someone because they are beautiful, they are beautiful because you love them.
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Aussie
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Really getting into it |
Registered: August 2006
Messages: 475
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Hi Dewald
It's nice to see you pop up again because i do remember your posts way back and always enjoyed hearing about you.I was concerned about you when you just disappeared. I am available to listen and share any time you need someone to talk to. Feel free to email me if you wish
Aussie
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e
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On fire! |
Location: currently So Cal
Registered: May 2002
Messages: 1179
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Hi Dewald,
I've been around the board a long time but had left for a number of years so we never met. Your words are quite disturbing, but it is good you said them. Sometimes simply writing your thoughts is helpful. I have been in your position many times over the years, wondering whether life is worth living. About 20 years ago I wrote a poem that I still consider to be the finest pice of writing I have ever done. It was a praywer for death. I come back to it whenever I begin to despair. It doesn't really help, except to remind me that I lived through it once and I can live through it again because life is worth living in the between times. I'll share it with you:
An Unfamiliar Parasite
Alone, I walk the streets at night
A shadow quite unknown;
An unfamiliar parasite
Ingesting life from phantom bone.
Worthless wretch by light of day,
Paragon of doom.
Causing havoc and dismay,
Inside my soul-- my tomb.
A serpant rears its squalid head
Venom forged from ravaged dream.
All I touch becomes dead:
My entire life, obscene.
Cryptic delusions -- ponder -- transparent thought.
Existence merely dies.
Apocraphal prophey hath I wrought,
No one perdures who tries.
Sublaturn to a turgid commandant,
Revolution replete with rage.
Naught but freedom shall I want
From life's eternal stage.
I figure that if I can survive that, I can endure anything. Like I said, life is worth living in the between times.
Think good thoughts,
e
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JimB
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Likes it here |
Registered: December 2006
Messages: 349
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I'm glad you did click submit instead of cancel. I want to join the others in welcoming you back and expressing interest in your story. It must have been very difficult for you when your only access to people like yourself was taken away from you. And then to find that your friend had died, possibly wondering why you had disappeared.
But you have survived and you are to be congratulated for that! You say that you now feel free and nostalgic. Feeling free will do that to you. Remembering when you weren't free makes today even more special.
You ask, “Is life really worth this struggle?” Yes, it is. Even as uncertain as it seems, as fragile, as new and incomplete as it seems, it is still a long way from when you wanted to end it. You have a future to strive for, just as you did five years ago, even if you didn't realize it back then. You have a boyfriend to bring you happiness and the freedom to be yourself. Use those to project into the future and see yourself five years from now; probably done with university, probably not with the same boyfriend, maybe with your soul mate, stepping into life as an adult free to by who you want to be.
Yes, there is hope! There has always been hope, that is why you survived. You ask, “What NOW, what NEXT?” Actually, a lot of hard work making the most of your time at university; that is the NOW and the NEXT both. During that process you will define your future and pick your profession. Both your future and your profession may be very different than what you envision now; that is part of what you will learn at university.
Don't worry too much about it now or push too hard for the answers now since you will change a great deal in the next few years. You will learn many new things and your vision of the future will likely change greatly in the process. Take a deep breath, sit back and enjoy your life. You have a lot of hard work ahead of you, but you also have a newfound freedom, enjoy it and make the most of it.
Good luck, Dewald, and keep in touch with us.
JimB
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ray2x
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Really getting into it |
Location: USA
Registered: April 2009
Messages: 429
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Hi Dewald. I'm new to this place. But I've felt the caring and understanding these folks have. I hope you keep the correspondence open. I look forward to hearing from you.
Raymundo
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Dewald,
I don't post much here any more (sadly I don't really have the time), but I do read on and off. If you'd like to talk to me again, my email address is the same as it always was (or you can use the details in my profile -- they all end up in the same mailbox).
I guess that when I knew you I may have been in a similar position to yours now -- perhaps a couple of years further down the line. I had my share of anxieties and frustrations about life, and was depressed for a while at both school and university. University wasn't for me as ground-breaking or character-forming as it is for some people, but it still gave me a chance to think about where I wanted to head in life. It took a couple of years to get to that point, though -- the day-to-day life was sometimes a struggle, but it was worth it in the end.
I'm sorry that things aren't going too well for you, though it's nice to see you post here again. Please feel free to get in touch, but there's no obligation. Whatever happens, I wish you the very best of luck.
David
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13750
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Seems to me that you will make it.
At the time your internet connection died there was a very peculiar man who badmouthed you to all who would listen. He was plausible, and unpleasant. He went to jail for making porn videos of under age boys. Now out of jail he is on the sex offenders register and appears not to have come anywhere near the net. This was "Deacon". I know you crossed swords with him. He tried to destroy the reputations of all he crossed swords with.
So you will make it. You can reinvent yourself as you need. Glad you are back.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Macky
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Really getting into it |
Location: USA
Registered: November 2008
Messages: 973
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Cool name Dewalt,
Old Boer family?
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together in unity!
Ps 133:1 NASB
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Yes, it is an old Boer family, not that that seems to mean overly much anymore, dating back to the first recorded direct ancestor of mine and "founder" of the family, Count Constantinus de Monti, born approxamately 1064 AD, Count of Gelderland, a County that was once part of the Holy Roman Empire and now lies in Germany. I'm rather proud of my family name, even though I don't always get along with all the members.
A truth told with bad intent
Beats all the lies you can invent
-William Blake
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Thanks, Im glad to be back. Btw, I'm rather surprised at the overwhelmingly positive responses I got. Thanks. Did I remember to say Thanks?
Concerning Deacon, it was an unpleasant surprise to find out what he said and did, but it is one of the things I would rather forget. So this will probably be the last time I mention anything about this person. My troubles with him is past and I cincerely hope to forget them, and the responses of those persons who took his words seriously, and were less than pleasant as a result.
A truth told with bad intent
Beats all the lies you can invent
-William Blake
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I would like to hear from you too, if you'd like. Maybe even become friends? In any case, thanks for the support.
A truth told with bad intent
Beats all the lies you can invent
-William Blake
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Wow. I'm glad to be back. You said you expressed interest in my story? Can you expand on that?
I can't say suddenly losing my internet caused me irreperable harm, but it certainly hurt not having anyone to talk to anymore and not being able to explain to anyone why I was so mopey and withdrawn for months afterward, because what would I tell my mother and friends? "Hey, I'm sad because my I can't talk about isshues like being gay, the newest science fiction book or the cute guy on smallville, anymore"? The fact that I never talked to anyone about losing my best and - now that I think about it - only real friends at that time practically overnight probably exacerbated the fact.
That, at least, is something I've learned the hard way, and I hope someone else doesn't have to: Talking helps, even if its only aloud to yourself as you write in your diary or to some random stranger when you are partially drunk. (Note: No, I know and do not advise anyone else to ever overinduldge in alcohol just to get something off your chest. Just had to mention that  )
I'm glad you said that thinking back on more difficult times makes the world seem brighter today. It did. Thanks.
Yes, now that I think about it, seeing my boyfriend today really helps and makes me happy. Apart from the other coughbenefitscough, someone that makes you smile just because they have a silly smile or can't manage to get out of bed to make a sandwich for themselves or wear hideously unmatched clothing (what kind of gay man is he, anyway?) or giggle at the most random times hours after you stopped tickling him. People like that make you just feel better. Thanks for pointing that out. Hehe It makes the strugle seem more worthwhile. I sincerely hope to keep him forever, but I know thats optimistic.
Thinking about the future is exilirating and positive and absolutely f***ing scary. That thought really brought a smile to my face! REaly. I'm only now old enough to know how young I really am and realising how much I should appreciate being young while I still can. Sigh. Lol. Being your own person as an adult and trading that for your semi-careless youth. I can't choose which I should want more. I guess I'm telling this to some people who already knew this and have forgotten it already - telling my grandmother how to suck eggs, so to speak. I guess I just had to say it.
Yes, in five years I'll probably be done with university, unless I can find more bursaries to do my doctorate at that point. (What a scary thought - five more years of school! I feel like I'm starting high school all over again with a mountain of work ahead). I didn't really know what I was letting myself in for with higher education, but It seems to be worth it in the long run, even if you only get four hours of sleep a night during exam months.  That sounded so 'pity me, I actually have to work' that I want to laugh at the absurdity of it, and feel free to do so yourself, but I wont backspace it out. Like you said. There is hope again.
At least I'm confident and certain that I know which direction I want to study and work in for the rest of my life - one less worry for me. I guess it is kind of unusual to know what proffession I want to go into exactly at such an early age, but I have known I want to study Computer Programming and Encryption for three years now, and I'm only getting more enthusiastic as I go along. Fortunately accademic knowledge is only a - not small exactly, but not the come-all-and-be-all of life either - university seems to stretch me, and I hear from some other people I've met as well - that it makes you grow in all directions in all parts of life. Not just your mind either, but thats beside the point.
Rediculessly (sp?) long post again, I know, but I appreciate the effort and time you took to cheer me up, so I thought I'd respond propperly and avoid working on that task I have to do for thursday, that I have no energy for and not go to bed, even if it is after three AM here.
Thanks, have a nice day, and I'll try to make the most of life I can. You just do that to
A truth told with bad intent
Beats all the lies you can invent
-William Blake
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Thanks for the message, and I like the poem. I also have a poem I say silently to myself whenever times are rough. Its almost a mantra, and I can recall it verbatim from memory by now. Maybe it can help you if you ever are in dificult times yourself again, or maybe it helps someone else. It doesn't really matter, does it? For what it's worth, I feel for your pain as much as you feel mine. Hugs - you seem to need one (doesn't everyone) as much as I do.
Invictus, by William Ernest Henly
Out of the Night that covers me
Black as a pit from pole to pole
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul
In the foul clutch of surcumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid
It matters not how straight the gate
How charged with punishments the scroll
I am the master of my fate
I am the captain of my soul.
Just felt I had to share that
A truth told with bad intent
Beats all the lies you can invent
-William Blake
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Thanks for caring, and I'll send you a message if I ever need to talk - or even if I dont, and just want to talk about random things to while away the time. Feel free to contact me, as well.
A truth told with bad intent
Beats all the lies you can invent
-William Blake
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I will try to keep up to date again.
It seems to me that I'm not the only one who needs someone to talk to - you seem like you need a friend or two to make the future seem happy again too. Feel free to send me a message if you ever feel unsure.
I know you must miss your friends and family at whereever your home is. Hug. Don't worry, the day seems bright again today, even at night.
Truth be told, this room at university and the people I've met here and known for only three months are faaar more my friends and closer than my family has ever been to me. Life where I came from seems almost bleak and I wonder how I survived, surprised at how I managed it, but now I know I can handle a lot more than I thought I could and probably should have. Spreading your wings is refreshing, to a degree. Independence seems to agree with me. How do you feel about it?
I know I'm probably burning bridges that I shouldn't, but I sometimes think my life is healthier without the people and places I've almost left behind. I don't think back to my family more than once a week anymore, and I know thats probably wrong of me, but life seems so much brighter without them nowadays. The place I am now seems more like home than any place before.
In anycase, I'm glad you understand some of what I'm feeling. If you need to contact me, feel free to do so as well.
A truth told with bad intent
Beats all the lies you can invent
-William Blake
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Thanks for the offer. I'll think about it. Its good to know people before me have felt the same things I do and can think back on it and give advice.
I want to lift an eyebrow about the "At least I'm no threat" comment. What do you mean? I see why that is true at face value, but it seems almost random, strange, a little unnecesary and non sequitor (sp?). In anycase, don't feel obliged to awnser, I was just curious.
A truth told with bad intent
Beats all the lies you can invent
-William Blake
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JimB
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Likes it here |
Registered: December 2006
Messages: 349
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When I expressed interest in your story I was referring to what you relayed in your initial post. I was also hoping that we would learn more about your life now and indeed we have via your additional posts/replies. I am glad that I and others have been able to lift your spirits, which is obvious from your much more upbeat reply to my post.
Yes, thinking about the future is scary and, honestly, that never changes. As you get older you not only achieve more but you also take on more responsibilities; responsibilities towards yourself, your partner, your kids if you have any and responsibilities at your workplace. It is just part of life. Even when you are older and nearing retirement, like myself, the future is scary because you wonder if there will be enough money to get by.
Higher education is about the only way to give yourself a chance at a quality life later on. I can really only tell what it is like here in the US but without a higher education one is limited to low paying jobs that provide for nothing more than basic existence. Even combining two such incomes doesn't allow for much beyond feeding and housing your family. And a higher education is no guarantee that you will be able to travel or own a nice home; but it gives you the chance to achieve those things.
Many do not know what profession they want when they start university. In the US over 50 percent of students either do not start with a major or change their major within the first two years. I knew what I wanted to do from the time I was about 14 years old, I wanted to be a math teacher. But my first year at university I was introduced to computer programming and fell in love with it. I've spent over 35 years programming midrange business systems and loved nearly every minute of it. If you are lucky, as I have been, you will love your profession and look forward to going to work nearly every day.
Yes, you are correct in that your university years will provide you with much more than the academic knowledge you will gain. You will have new experiences, develop the adult you and form friendships that will last your whole life. Make the most of it and, equally important, enjoy it!
JimB
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Dear Dewald,
perhaps I am too conscious of the possibility that people might suspect my motives for being on here. Indeed I'm sometimes not sure of them myself.
On the other hand when the wolf claims to be not dangerous I guess only a fool would listen so perhaps saying that sort of thing is counter-productive.
So your lifted eyebrow is pretty perceptive. I'll try not to do it again.
Love,
Anthony
PS I also wonder about signing myself 'Love' as I used to when I had to write letters as a little boy. I compromised by signing everything that way so that people would see that I wasn't coming on to them in particular.
You see I really am qualified to be a member of this strange bunch of people!
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13750
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He caused more trouble than you will ever know. He was credible and preyed on hopes and fears. He worked out how to use people. And he used very many. He has a suspended sentence remaining with 22 and a half years to serve. he will not be causing trouble here again.
People believed because they "had no choice" in the way that things were presented to them. I rather hope they have all got past that now.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Perhpaps I'm still a little naive and optimistic about life, despite what state I was in when I posted the first post again, but I would like to see the best in people whenever I first meet them, and assume they are good people with good motives. I also like to think that everyone should think like this, untill the other person proves them wrong. It would make life alot easier.
In anycase, I'm glad you explained And don't worry, I try to never judge or think someone is really cute-bunny-murdering-evil untill they act like it, LoL. So, have a nice day, and don't worry about it.
Hug, Dewald
PS. You seem eminintly (sp?) qualified to me
A truth told with bad intent
Beats all the lies you can invent
-William Blake
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Yes, I might slip parts of my life now and then, hopefully during the looong time I will continue to come to this site.
My country is a very strange combination of seemingly being developed in some parts and worse than third world in other parts, with sudden, unexpected change-overs. One thing that remains the same in this very young democracy of ours compared to the US is that with some higher education, you are very lucky indeed to get a job that will support even just yourself. We just elected a new president (One that I catagorically did not vote for and would rather be castrated than vote for - ever), so we will see how it goes. I have long had vauge plans of emigrating one I have a degree.
You do computer programming? Thats so cool. Now I have someone I can ask for help when I have a completely unmanageable problem of programming a quick-sort algorithm using loopless recursion in logn time I bet I just confused everyone who doesn't program just now. LOL
I can see how university is already changing me bit by bit, and I'm glad. And Im not just saying that because the sex is good.
Hugs, Dee
A truth told with bad intent
Beats all the lies you can invent
-William Blake
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Yes, Dewald, I am well qualified - but if I listed my qualifications it might look like boasting (and the boast is more effective like this since no-one can say I'm not telling the truth.
But actually the qualifications from experience of life are more valuable than the degrees and so on. Having two children and four grandchildren, having buried two parents, having rowed a boat in fifteen or twenty rivers, having driven cars on many kinds, having run two limited companies for twenty years, having been a school governor for seven years, having been an officer of the British APL Association for over 25 years . . . . &c.
Love,
Anthony
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Dear Dewald, I started programming in 1958 on the first IBM computer of which 1000 were made - the IBM 650. Since then I've programmed on a lot of machines.
I discovered A Programming Language (APL) in about 1980 and it solved many of my problems with other programming languages.
Then, in 1990 the inventor of APL (Dr Kenneth Iverson) came up with a new language called J. It's mind- boggling. If you want to become an expert on programming you have to know about it. It does invoice extension in one line. It will calculate the limit of a series easily. It has more functions built in than any other language. Roger Hui's Sudoku solver is fifteen lines long.
I'm too enthusiastic about it, but it deserves it.
Give me an inch of encouragement and I'll give you an ell of examples.
Love,
Anthony
PS for private use the interpreter is FREE!
[Updated on: Sun, 03 May 2009 20:05] |
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e
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On fire! |
Location: currently So Cal
Registered: May 2002
Messages: 1179
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Hi Dewald,
Thanks for the poem. I had seen the last two lines before but never knew who wrote them. I looked up Henly and considering what he went through in his life, the poem is indeed an inspiration. Thanks for the hug and I'll give you one in return.
Think good thoughts,
e
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Well, dont stop there - I'm interested. Even though I've only programmed through the last few years of high school, and that was almost universally in Java, I'm always interested in learning and branching out to new fields, time permitting. Even if I only have a little knowledge stored in the back of my mind about a subject, somethings like that become usefull whenever you encounter a new or unique problem.
So expound away, or feel free to email me - blumoogle2@hotmail.com is my public email adress, where my non-buisness, non-university and non-private mail goes to.
A truth told with bad intent
Beats all the lies you can invent
-William Blake
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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A virtual world, it is easy to forget, is virtual. Yet the virtual world of the internet often intersects with the real world. The problem is, often, it's hard to know when the worlds come together.
Sometimes one believes something virtual is real. Other times one comes to believe that something real is only virtual. When the only evidence is virtual is can be hard to delineate the worlds.
I'm glad that you're able to live in the real world, D. Even if it's confusing at times it's a great place to be. The real world is hard and full of failings. People around us are fallible, we ourselves are fallible. But that makes us human and all the more amazing when we succeed. So don't despair. It may feel like you are getting nowhere, but that's not true. You're always getting somewhere even when it's hard to see.
I'd like to rekindle our friendship. I was lost and confused for a time. But I now know that our friendship was not virtual, it was real.
-Shem
[Updated on: Mon, 04 May 2009 02:15]
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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Dear Dewald, I will, but not today or at least not till this evening, because I have a visitor I have to cook lunch for.
But, you know, people with hobby-horses very rarely get invitations to get on and ride them. I'm very grateful to you.
Love,
Anthony
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I know, and I understand Shem. I was sad when our friendship deteriorated and desolved under uncertainties, distance, differences and fear, and sadness for lost loved ones. I needed time to put myself back together, and I think I managed to at least find some duct tape. Perhaps you did as well?
I would like to talk again on MSN messenger, if you'd invite me again. I deleted every single contact I had at one time - burning bridges, as it were. My adress is still the same as it was. I hope to hear from you.
"Pounce" and Hug
- Dee
A truth told with bad intent
Beats all the lies you can invent
-William Blake
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Dear Dewald, there is another great poem that I keep close to my heart. The name of the poem is Desiderada. You mentiond being a lone candle in the darkness. Each of us is a single candle glowing in the darkness of the world. Its when two or more of us come together that we brighten the world around us. Welcome back to the forum, Im sure you have been missed by those that knew you and are glad to seee you have returned.
Desiderata
Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.
Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952.
If you stand for Freedom, but you wont stand for war, then you dont stand for anything worth fighting for.
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I'm a little sketchy about some details, but my distant cousin who owns the family name's website, http://www.vandenberg.co.za probably knows more, if you're interested
A truth told with bad intent
Beats all the lies you can invent
-William Blake
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This is a good poem. Thanx for posting it. Its direct and yet gives advice I would like to live up to. Even though I usually don't like free-form poetry as much as the strict-forms, I just can't argue with something like this poem that resonates with seemingly universal truths. It reminds me alot of William Blake's later poems, for some reason.
A truth told with bad intent
Beats all the lies you can invent
-William Blake
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Macky
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Really getting into it |
Location: USA
Registered: November 2008
Messages: 973
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Dewald, Free form poetry is cool. There is a kid named Josh that comes on here and writes nebulous stuff. But if you really consider it, it says something. I don't think he realizes what it says, but I honestly get feelings out of it and I like it. Here is another free form poem, very much in the spirit of desirada, that I think you can appreciate:
"In the time of your life, live—so that in that good time there shall be no ugliness or death for yourself or for any life your life touches. Seek goodness everywhere, and when it is found, bring it out of its hiding place and let it be free and unashamed.
Place in matter and in flesh the least of the values, for these are the things that hold death and must pass away. Discover in all things that which shines and is beyond corruption. Encourage virtue in whatever heart it may have been driven into secrecy and sorrow by the shame and terror of the world. Ignore the obvious, for it is unworthy of the clear eye and the kindly heart.
Be the inferior of no man, or of any men be superior. Remember that every man is a variation of yourself. No man's guilt is not yours, nor is any man's innocence a thing apart. Despise evil and ungodliness, but not men of ungodliness or evil. These, understand. Have no shame in being kindly and gentle but if the time comes in the time of your life to kill, kill and have no regret.
In the time of your life, live—so that in that wondrous time you shall not add to the misery and sorrow of the world, but shall smile to the infinite delight and mystery of it."
— William Saroyan (The time of your life)
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together in unity!
Ps 133:1 NASB
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e
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On fire! |
Location: currently So Cal
Registered: May 2002
Messages: 1179
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Hi Macky,
Interesting that you would mention Josh. He writes some interesting stuff. I was kind of hoping he would see the thread and make a contribution. I have another that applies in a rather tangential sort of way. It is a series of remembered fragments of a dream I once had.
A Fragment
A very ugly woman
wants the moon and the stars.
Young artists with arms full of flowers
discuss racial problems.
Ocean breezes
smell of garlic and perspiration.
Half-forgotten faces pretend sex matters
and keep the usual appointments.
Hideous streetwalkers dance naked
before the mirror's mocking laugh.
Unidentified voices
loom menacingly on the horizon.
A telegram arrives saying "Mother was right."
And reality proves better than any dream.
Certain local musicians contribute to charity,
search for something,
look for love,
and expect nothing in return.
Distant train whistles float on summer air
and the darkness sings.
Responding, without complaint,
to voices that insist the Earth is dying
they jettison the sacred dream.
And still, without further obligation,
Death remains possible:
And the world is perfect.
Think good thoughts,
e
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Macky
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Really getting into it |
Location: USA
Registered: November 2008
Messages: 973
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Hmm...makes me feel that the world is full of good and bad and that's OK because that's how its supposed to be. And this leads me to recall the lyrics to an old song;
I guess that we really need unfortunate events so we can recognize when things are going well, by the contrast.
I have a special fondness for Josh. He posted that he has Asperger's. My son has Asperger's too, so I feel a certain affinity for him.
[Updated on: Sat, 01 May 2010 02:40]
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together in unity!
Ps 133:1 NASB
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That is deep. This heartfelt truth, the plead to humanity to be fair to everyone, even - or especially - to themselves takes a weight off my shoulders that I didn't know exists, even if only for a second.
A truth told with bad intent
Beats all the lies you can invent
-William Blake
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