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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13750
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It seems to be several things. I may create a poll for the site from the answers
Is it:- shagging blokes
- wanting to shag blokes
- a knowledge that one is in need of male partnership
- Something else
[Updated on: Thu, 04 February 2010 17:32]
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Dear Timmy,
Straight blokes can shag blokes with pleasure and most of them seem to need male company (which might include some sorts of partnership). Many women 'want' to shag blokes and those aren't the gay ones  .
I think a gay man is one that is sexually attracted to other men. Such a person doesn't have to be comfortable admitting it and may even deny it. There is no need for such a person to do anything about it. A man can be gay and celibate (and a few priests are).
It is the being sexually attracted that is the defining characteristic, I think. But, of course, some men who are predominantly straight may be attracted and obviously all bi men are attracted to other men to some extent.
Do you want a 'go' gauge or a 'go/no go' gauge? Are there any men who are sexually attracted to other men and yet not gay? Are there any gay men who are not sexually attracted to other men? At the moment I can't think of any.
Love,
Anthony
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13750
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acam wrote:
> Do you want a 'go' gauge or a 'go/no go' gauge?
Not sure what you mean?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Do you want a test which all gay men would pass or a test which all gay men would pass and no non-gay man would pass. Obviously the latter is a much harder test to devise.
The name comes from the engineering usage where a width that will go through one gauge and won't go through another must be in between the widths and if the gauges are correct then the widths that pass must be within spec.
Nothing ever ought to be made to a size; everything ought to be made to be within a tolerance of a size.
Otherwise after you have turned the crankshaft and metalled the bearing you have to spend hours scraping the bearings so there are no binding points.
Love,
Anthony
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Macky
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Really getting into it |
Location: USA
Registered: November 2008
Messages: 973
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Anthony, I'm just sitting here with a big smile on my face. How did you ever guide this thread into a discussion of error tolerance levels in engineering design specs? Brilliant!
Max:-D
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together in unity!
Ps 133:1 NASB
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Macky
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Really getting into it |
Location: USA
Registered: November 2008
Messages: 973
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Being gay, like living life, is a journey.
Up through adolescense being gay was like being a scared little bunny with a penchant for masturbation.
Throughout young adulthood being gay was sorta like being a leopard on the prowl, slinking 'round the jungle all night. 
In early middle age being gay was sorta like being a wolf and running with the pack.
In middle age it is like this;
http://www.livevideo.com/video/BE08ABA1B4594CAAB920EA6867355CD7/cute-confused-cat.aspx
Max
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together in unity!
Ps 133:1 NASB
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13750
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Not really a trait I'd encourage, I'm afraid.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13750
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But driving from London to Scunthorpe is a journey, and not a pleasant one. "What is being gay?" Not "What is being gay like?"
[Updated on: Fri, 05 February 2010 00:16]
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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I don't think there's any kind of a simple answer to the question, so I go with the purely operational understanding that being gay is self-identifying as gay. It is a label one chooses to pin on oneself - if one so chooses - rather than a label anyone else can legitimately apply
things that contribute to that may or may not include any or all of your list. My own list of things that may contribute, or may not, includes
having sex with men
wanting to have sex with men
thinking of men when jerking off, but not actually wanting to have real sex with them
having a main romantic relationship with another guy, regardless of genital activity
wanting to have a main romantic relationship with another guy, regardless of genital activity
having a permanent longstanding relationship with another guy as "soulmate", while not recognising any romantic basis to it
becoming physically aroused at the sight or thought of naked men
having more wet dreams about men than women
privately identifying as gay
publicly identifying as "out gay"
seeking psychiatric or other treatment for "being gay" (for oneself)
and I'm sure much else could be added to the list.
"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
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Macky
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Really getting into it |
Location: USA
Registered: November 2008
Messages: 973
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"What is being gay?" Not "What is being gay like?"
Well, it HAS been different at different times in my life. But right now being gay is the most natural and easy thing that I can imagine. I have someone who loves me and I give myself totally to her. So being gay? It ain't fuckin' important at all.
Once being gay ruled my life. Now it is a footnote to my life. If anyone ever experienced real love they would know that all else becomes truly meaningless. Being gay is looking back nostalgically at my youth. But I have made an honest and real committment to a woman...so being gay counts for very little. Far below my wife and child...like way down there towards the bottom.
Yet it's there. Yet, I like looking at guys. Yet that's as far as it goes simply because nothing that I can imagine can beat the current happiness that I feel. So being gay ain't fuckin' nothing. Ya wanna tell me that I don't know what being gay is? I'll just nod my head with a smile and agree with anything that you say because...damn...I have someone who really really loves me and anything outside of that is the purest of bullshit.
But even having said all that, I love all you guys because I know what it's like...not from my nostsalgic past, but from right now. Lots of you don't know what might be there for you. Lots of you feel hopeless. And I hurt for you. But I do not preach. I like all of you right where you stand. You need make no change to assure my dedicated friendship. We're all different, but I hope some day we'll all understand each other.
And Timmy, this sick bullshit has gone too far. As much as I like this site, I advise you to kill it. Rather than have a single person bullied with unkiind email, I would rather that this whole thing were gone...regardless of how much it has meant to me. The person writing those emails is shameful. And I really don't want to hurt your feelings, but it is fuckin' shameful...unconscionable. There are other sites I could spend my time on. Sites with a hidden bully? I'd rather just pass. There is too much beauty in life to stare at a pile of dog turds...if you catch my drift.
I know I've passed the boundaries here. I know I've said too much. But right now, it's what I feel and it feels honest and good.
Before I end, let me broadcast a long overdue apology. I was very unkind to Brody in an email that was thankfully deleted some time ago. Sorry Brody, it was my weakness. Sorry Brody, I shall never again read so much as a headline of any of your posts. You scare me. You unleash something in me that I do NOT want unleashed. It is my weakness and I accept total blame, but I can not talk to you. Inexplicably you push my buttons and I've detrermined that it will always be so. I bid you piece and hapiness. It's a fond wish of mine that I can reconcile with you, but I do noit see that possibility, because your posts scare the fuckin' hell out of me. I must stay away from them. I can not be reasonable with you.
Wow...what an outburst. I wonder how I'll feel about it in the morning. If I never visit here again, know that I wish you all joy and hapiness. God save me from causing any hurt to any of you already too much hurt people.
Thank you TImmy for the experience. It has truly brought about a watershed in my life.
Max
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together in unity!
Ps 133:1 NASB
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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Being gay is more about who you want to fuck than who you fuck.
It's also about who you love and who you want to love.
There's degrees of gay, though. The most concrete involves self-identification. But I'd still say the guy that sleeps with men but never with his wife and calls himself straight is gay but in denial.
Self-labelling is relevant, but before one applies a label to oneself I think you need to look at why a certain label may be applicable. NW's list seems to cover just about everything I'd think of.
To me what makes one "gay" however is that all the things on that list are not applicable to women, or are much less applicable to women.
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13750
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Max, I've emailed you about one of the points you raise. I can see that this is hard to discuss in public for you.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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What is "being gay"?
Please define 'being' in the context of the question.
J F R
The paradox has often been noted that the United States, founded in secularism, is now the most religiose country in Christendom, while England, with an established church headed by its constitutional monarch, is among the least. (Richard Dawkins, 2006)
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I suppose if we accept "being" as the state of our existance, life itself, then the question begs to know if gay is an acceptable form of living.
We could discuss the scientific criteria, the elusive "gay gene" theory which I find rather conclusive. Something in our design leads us to this same sex attraction. Those who tout that it's learned behavior miss the point. Some of us are inclined to be good with numbers, others with words. For example: all the years of my life I have never found myself capable of learning a foreign language, my brain just isn't wired that way.
Like many, my first sexual experience was same sex fumbling, but there was something in it that felt right. For those of you who married and still have the feelings, I understand. I was married for a time, probably because it was the expected thing to do, family pressure, other reasons. But it was living a lie.
In our North American culture being gay was just too difficult,(it's worse south of the border) marriage was the path of least resistance. And then there is the image of a gay person, the negative stereotype portrayed in the media and the workplace. It left me with the question: Who would want to be gay?
But I am, and that took some time to accept. Self-identity is my answer to the basic question here. "Being Gay" is accepting my own inner feelings of association with the larger gay society. I may not enjoy a lot of the images I see defined as gay, but I accept them. There is probably more diversity in the gay culture than anywhere else, and at least here in the US we are free to be ourselves.(granted that took a while to accomplish, still working on it)
We may ask "What is Being Gay?" I can only answer that I am a gay being, that's my little corner of humanity.
Age appears to be best in four things; old wood best to burn, old wine to drink, old friends to trust, and old authors to read. (Sir Francis Bacon 1561-1626)
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To me, being gay is just being happy/comfortable with who you are. I don't think it needs more explanation since everybody will have different things that makes them happy/comfortable.
You don't love someone because they are beautiful, they are beautiful because you love them.
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Re: What is "Being Gay"? 
