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Another member said I should open a new post and say something about myself so here I am. It seems like lots of the members here are English or are from Australia and New Zealand and I guess you know something about the US and the different states. I live in a state called Maryland on the east coast. We live on the water and my dad has a powerboat and he is all the time saying stuff like 'Where is the cabin boy when you need him' to tease me, so that is why I decided to use that as my member name. I am 14 and a freshman in high school. I just got my own laptop for Christmas and for my birthday I got my own wireless setup. No more parental controls whoohoo. I have one brother who is older than me and is a freshman in college. I wish I was closer to my brother but we just do not have much in common and we are so far apart in ages too. He likes me and everything but I think more like a pet. We get along pretty well when he is home like now for his spring break. For sports I like football YEA RAVENS! YEA TERPS! and also my school team. I am not big enough for even JV football so I do cross country and swimming. I play golf and I do trail biking too. I might do wrestling next year.
I am pretty sure that I am gay. I like girls and everything but not the same way I like guys. I mean I do not look at girls the way I look at guys. I have lots of guy friends and we hang out together all the time and I think maybe there are one or two of them who are like me. I have been way too chicken to try anything yet.
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Hello Cabin Boy
So nice for you to drop by, make your acquaintance and talk a spell; and yes, there are Australians (at least three that I know of), half-a-dozen or so Americans (like you), A Canadian or two (like me), an odd assortment of others from South Africa, New Zealand, India, Israel, Germany, several from Eastern and Southern Europe and a whole lot from the United Kingdom; and these are just the few who post regularly here, and not counting the many others who await in the shadows and only very occasionally peek out from behind the curtain and make their presence known.
You'll find a lot to like, here at the Forum, and additionally elsewhere on the parent web-site; but what you won't find here is anything that will harm you. So enjoy yourself.
Warren C. E. Austin
The Gay Deceiver
Toronto, Canada
"... comme recherché qu'un délice callipygian"
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ray2x
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Really getting into it |
Location: USA
Registered: April 2009
Messages: 429
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Welcome. I'm a Californian. I also am a football fan, following San Diego Chargers and UCLA. Good to hear that another gay person loves the sport. Enjoy your time here
Raymundo
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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Do, please, make sure of one important thing. Please only reveal as much about yourself online as you are truly comfortable with, and be certain not to reveal anything leading to less pleasant folk being able to identify you. Be wary of anyone offering to met you, even for what appear to be the best motives.
That does not mean that you should be afraid of anyone, it just means that you need to use care. Why? Well, you are at the age many predators find attractive simply because of your age.
I'm glad you have said that you have no idea if you are gay or not. Some of us are gay, some thought we were and are not, others thought we were not and are! Look at this small survey: http://vote.sparklit.com/poll.spark/1107722 It isn;t scientific, but it shows that, for some folk being attracted to other guys is a true passing phase. And others never have it.
Sounds like you have a good relationship with your folks 
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Hello Cabin Boy,
Maryland, huh? I grew up in Silver Spring and also lived in the Severna Park area near the Bay. I finally moved south and now reside in Florida, but I miss the Chesapeake Bay and all the summer fun I had there.
Timmy's site is a friendly place, as he says, a place of safety. I don't believe your age is a problem in communicating your feelings to others, you seem to be very articulate.
As for the gay thing, I was 14 when I discovered myself to be gay, but that was back in the 1960's. Now you have forums like this to express yourself and a web that allows you to share your thoughts with the world. I had a hell of a time finding a book on homosexuality in the public library, it just wasn't there.
But I agree with Timmmy, the web is a poor place to serve as a dating service, but I'm sure you already know this. Besides, gay or straight, 14 is just too young to begin the cycle of dating. Dates are expensive, you aren't working, and no boy ever wants his mom to drive when he dates someone LOL.
So hang in there, high school is just around the corner. Join the drama club, try wrestling and track, stay in shape. Being gay is not an activity, it's a way of life. All those years ago I thought I was the only one, how foolish. We aren't alone and neither are you, something good will happen for you, be patient. And don't laugh at us old boys who give advice, we have your best interests at heart.
Age appears to be best in four things; old wood best to burn, old wine to drink, old friends to trust, and old authors to read. (Sir Francis Bacon 1561-1626)
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Macky
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Really getting into it |
Location: USA
Registered: November 2008
Messages: 973
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That was a very nice introduction, Cabinboy. Welcome.
It's difficult feeling you might be gay and having to keep it to yourself. I kept it to myself for better than half a century. When I came out to my wife, it made usa closer.
Perhaps you should consider your older brother or father or someone else close to you as a person to let into this very private part of yourself. I think you would be surprised by what a comfort it might be just being able to talk to someone about it.
As for the internet; what Timmy said.
Max
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together in unity!
Ps 133:1 NASB
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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It is hard when there's a big age gap between siblings.
I'm an older brother- my younger brother is 19 now and I'm 25. I moved away when he was 12 to Japan, though. So I wasn't around much when he was going through his teenage years.
We're still reasonably close, though, but not super close. We don't have a whole lot in common.
As for being gay... you'll work it out. No need to decide on anything yet. Just remember that once you tell other people that label will stick- so make sure you know yourself before you tell others.
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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I guess I might have given the wrong impression about Bobby. He was 4 when my mom found out she was pregnant with me. The rents got Bobby ready to have a brother or a sister and he was saying his prayers asking for a little brother or little sister and everything. When I got here I was like his baby too. Bobby has always been very protective of me and he never minded me hanging around him when he was in the house. We share a bathroom and when I was 8 or so I noticed that he did not like me being in the bathroom at the same time anymore. I was confused but then when I turned 12 and started growing hair where dudes grow hair things settled down again. I understood he was shy about becoming a man because I was shy too. I made a point of going into the bathroom nude and he got an eyeful and after that we stopped the false modesty bullshit and went back to the way it was. I guess it was because we were both grown up or something. Bobby has always been a help with school and especially with math because he is so smart.
Bobby got caught up in a lot of social drama in college during his first semester and dad came down hard on him about partying and not getting the grades he should have got. So he decided to stay here for spring break and we did a lot of talking about stuff. I almost told him I was feeling things for guys but I thought it would freak him out. I have to think about this more. Bobby has lots of guy friends and hangs with lots of guys in college but I have not heard him say much about girls. He dated a girl in high school and then broke up after prom. We have never talked about jacking off or anything but I know Bobby does it a lot. My chore is to do trash and the recycling and when he is home his trash can is always full of wadded up kleenexs and I know what come smells like. LOL.
One problem is that I have started to really think of Bobby as a guy and not just as my brother and that has really freaked me out. When I look as guys on the net and jack off I catch myself thinking this one looks like Bobby and this one has hair like Bobby. Then I think about him being my brother and it is like fuck dude get a grip.
He left to go back to college this morning so we all got up early and mom made real buckwheat waffles and eggs and bacon and the works and now I feel like there is this empty space in our area of the second floor. I need to start writing for English I guess and I got biology to do too.
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You are very lucky to have an older brother that cares about you so much, I know my world would have been different if I had a brother, being an only child sucks.
Brothers should love one another, having said that I'm sure you know that any physical contact would only harm the love you share. Bobby is an adult now, he'd feel guilty.
I see that you mention he has guy friends, no real girl friends. Are you hoping he's gay? Your fantasies about him are normal, he's a person you know so well, he's not a threat. But ask yourself how he would feel if he knew you were thinking of him in a sexual way. If you are afraid of telling him your secrets, do you think he would freak out over that?
I think you understand that having gay feelings at your age is problematic. Too young to date but not to young to yearn for that. 14 and 15 are the hell years for any teenager, sorry, that's the truth. I remember what it was like for me, you have my sympathy.
But having said that, here's the secret to keeping your sanity. Gay men are some of the smartest, and therefore wealthiest, men in the world. They got there by working their butts off in school, that's point one. A gay man has to have a good self image, that comes with activity, exercise and competition in sports. Find one you do well and excell, you'll love yourself better. The teenage complexion is damaged by poor diet and bad hygene. Eat well, wash often and take care of your body.
All that will improve your mind and body. So when the time comes, somewhere around 18, you will be the hot guy everyone wants to meet. It will give you the courage to hold your head up and look everyone in the eye when you tell them you are gay. So go look in the mirror and smile, you're ready to begin! 
Age appears to be best in four things; old wood best to burn, old wine to drink, old friends to trust, and old authors to read. (Sir Francis Bacon 1561-1626)
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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Don't stress. It's quite common for gay guys to develop crushes on their brothers.
It's hard because Bobby is probably the only real guy you've been that close to. When you're close to someone it can be easy to romanticise those feelings.
Just remember, though, that he is your brother and he's better as your brother. Hopefully you can start looking around at other guys and maybe find someone else to start crushing on instead.
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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There was the thought that "A Letter to Myself at 16" could be interesting, perhaps even useful. So I hope this might interest you. if nothing else it gives you a historical perspective of sorts on the half freedoms you enjoy today. But I think the fear today can be as great as the fear was when I was 14.
http://www.trent.karoo.net/letter-to-myself-at-16.html is my effort. Some others did it here, on the forum There was no particular reason to make it a public thing, but I chose to..
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Yes, Timmy. I bought the book of such letters from celebrities and eventually did write a letter to myself but I can't remember whether I ever went public with it. Can you?
As it's nearly four pages I think it is a bit long for a post on here. I'll email it to anyone who is interested.
Love,
Anthony
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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I see nothing wrong with posting it here, though I might suggest a new thread, or searching for the old thread (use the search link above) and posting it there. I simply added this note here because I hope it may be of some use to Cabinboy
Part of this forum is to help those who come after us. My letter to me helped me, but it might also help others. And that is the reason I made it public. I just have the luxury of another site on which to post it.
Four pages is a mere bagatelle!
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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