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Fail=me  [message #61605] Fri, 26 March 2010 08:37 Go to next message
saben is currently offline  saben

On fire!

Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537



Still... again.

What a waste my life is.



Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
Re: Fail=me  [message #61607 is a reply to message #61605] Fri, 26 March 2010 08:50 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13739



That depends on what you wish to achieve and whether you are achieving it. Do you make your partner happy? And is that a waste?

[Updated on: Fri, 26 March 2010 08:50]




Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: Fail=me  [message #61609 is a reply to message #61607] Fri, 26 March 2010 09:17 Go to previous messageGo to next message
saben is currently offline  saben

On fire!

Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537



I drag him down.

He doesn't achieve much either.

With a more motivated partner he would.

Instead we're stuck in a rut of responding to stimuli.

If one can be happy playing video games and achieving nothing then yeah, there is happiness sometimes.

I wanted to finish Uni this year and do something with my life. But because I failed 50% of my subjects last semester I've had my enrolment restricted this semester. Even though we're 4 weeks in.

I was feeling positive and optimistic and although this only extends my degree by ANOTHER 6 months... it's too much.

6.5 years to finish a 3 year course.

Absolutely... Utterly... pathetic.



Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
Try again  [message #61614 is a reply to message #61609] Fri, 26 March 2010 11:02 Go to previous messageGo to next message
acam is currently offline  acam

On fire!
Location: UK
Registered: July 2007
Messages: 1849



Don't despair Saben, there is always another chance. At least you haven't got thrown out completely. When I failed my prelims (Oxford second term exams) the college very nearly threw me out and instead took away my scholars gown which was a severe loss of face. I was miserable and I never did well enough to get the gown back. I concealed this shame from my parents.

But I did get a degree and I did find a job and I could do it and it was fun.

You can too. All it takes is a bit of determination.

Love,
Anthony
Re: Fail=me  [message #61615 is a reply to message #61609] Fri, 26 March 2010 11:33 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13739



The great thing about this is that you now KNOW what it's like to fail, and you've done it early enough to be able to put it right.

I guess I could lecture you, but you don't need it. Instead look at HIM. If you love him then get out there and succeed for HIM.

And change the signature line. The old one was adequate, the current one is, well, crap. And then get out and succeed for the boy you love. He'll follow your example.



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: Try again  [message #61616 is a reply to message #61614] Fri, 26 March 2010 11:34 Go to previous messageGo to next message
saben is currently offline  saben

On fire!

Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537



I actually don't even know if I CAN finish my degree. You aren't allowed to repeat the same subject more than one. Yet I've already failed one of my compulsory subjects for my major twice.

Not sure why I haven't been kicked out.

I'm 25 and still have nothing to show for it. Other people have successful businesses or are moving up in their career to higher positions. I'm not even at entry level.



Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
Re: Fail=me  [message #61617 is a reply to message #61615] Fri, 26 March 2010 11:39 Go to previous messageGo to next message
saben is currently offline  saben

On fire!

Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537



I can't help him.

If I succeed he lets himself be carried by my success. He'd happily be a house "wife" if I was successful.

He's 19 now, and has been unemployed since leaving High School a year ago. Yet I'm not in a position to criticise, nor can I encourage him. I have a hard enough time with my own life to be able to help him.

That's why I think he'd be better off with someone else... Or single. I'm a bad influence.



Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
Re: Fail=me  [message #61618 is a reply to message #61609] Fri, 26 March 2010 11:45 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Macky is currently offline  Macky

Really getting into it
Location: USA
Registered: November 2008
Messages: 973



Saben,

Think about what's real and what is your body playing tricks on you.

Sometimes a disapointment sets off cascades of chemicals in your body that give the illusion that everything has turned to shit.

. Emotionally, you just have to deal with that until the chemical storm abates.

If you think about it logically, you'll see clearly that your life is just as much a success this week as it was last week.

Surely you know how much you are admired and respected on this forum. I've heard wisdom out of you many times here-the type that is real-world applied wisdom, not the theorhetical stuff.

Hang in there dude. Things will eventually get looking better.

Max



Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together in unity!
Ps 133:1 NASB
Re: Try again  [message #61620 is a reply to message #61616] Fri, 26 March 2010 13:00 Go to previous messageGo to next message
acam is currently offline  acam

On fire!
Location: UK
Registered: July 2007
Messages: 1849



I was twentyfour six months after leaving university. You aren't too old at all Saben. I took my 'A' level exams for the first time in 1951 at the age of 16 so I was at least two years ahead of the field then. One can easily slip a couple of years.

It isn't the end of the world.

Love,
Anthony
Just don't fail  [message #61621 is a reply to message #61617] Fri, 26 March 2010 13:05 Go to previous messageGo to next message
acam is currently offline  acam

On fire!
Location: UK
Registered: July 2007
Messages: 1849



I think supporting him when he is wrong may be the best you can do. Timmy is right - show him what you can do beginning from a poor start.

I bet you can and hope you try because I'd be amazed if you couldn't do it.

I could have done it. I could have got a first class degree but I didn't wake up and take charge of my life in time.

You CAN take charge of you life. Well for sure no-one else can!Smile

Love,
Anthony

[Updated on: Fri, 26 March 2010 13:06]

Re: Fail=me  [message #61622 is a reply to message #61617] Fri, 26 March 2010 13:44 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13739



If he wants to be a kept man and you love him enough to work your bollocks off to keep him, then go for it. So what if he's not working?

He decides if he'd be better off with someone else, not you. Your decision is whether you want to be with him or not. You make decisions for your good, he makes decisions for his good.

And if he isn't inspired by your hard work and your success, if you love him, so what? You're conflating your relationship and your personal success and finding that the two can't be treated like that.

If you are going to fail your degree, go and get a telesales job on Monday. They're ten a penny and they suck, and you'll hate it. I know. I used to run a telesales company. You would have hated being one my my workers, and I was one of the good bosses.

Go and find out form the admin folk what it will take to complete your degree, get off your butt and do it. I speak from a position of knowledge. I failed my degree. If I took it today I could complete the course in one year and get first class honours. So get that sorted out.

Next thing is a job. You'd better be able to explain to me when I interview why it took you so long to achieve something as simple as a degree. So get your head round that. Why was that? And don't tell me that you are idle, or lazy, or stupid. Picture this instead:

"I allowed some difficulties in my personal life to intrude into my work. That's something that will never happen again. I've learnt a lot from that."

"Can you describe that for me?"

"Yes. I was raised in a religious background that objected to my sexual orientation. I was coming to terms with losing the framework I was raised in as well as learning how to understand my sexuality. And I let that take too important a role in my life. I conquered it by enlisting the help of good friends, by accepting that my religious background was closed to me, and by taking control of my life. I also have an enormously supportive partner. But this affected my studies and I've had to work hard to recover."

Now go and get the information you need and get the best degree that you can.

[Updated on: Fri, 26 March 2010 13:46]




Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: Fail=me  [message #61625 is a reply to message #61622] Fri, 26 March 2010 15:24 Go to previous messageGo to next message
saben is currently offline  saben

On fire!

Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537



And now he has gone off in a mope into the bedroom because he's losing at a game and he pins his entire self-esteem on doing well at online games because he feels that's all he's good at.

I don't know how to handle this. I can never convince him he's worth something. My love for him never translates into his love for him.


And timmy are you suggesting I lie when I interview? Because that's a total fabrication and just trying to play the affirmative action card. Since 19 sexuality and religion has been the least of my worries. It's been game addiction, bad habits and letting small failures get me down and turn into big failures.

I'm at a big failure now. If I'm forced to withdraw from my course I might need to work for a while. But I doubt I'd find a job. I have no more motivation than Ryan does- and he's been without for a year. Jobs and success don't fall from the sky, unfortunately.



Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
Re: Fail=me  [message #61626 is a reply to message #61625] Fri, 26 March 2010 15:51 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13739



It's as near the truth as anyone would like to hear. And no-one can call you out on it. There are areas of job interviews where one expects the truth to be embellished. What affirmative action card? I don't hire because you;re gay, black, or disabled. I hire for skills. If you have them and you beat other candidates, you get the job. I used to employ all colours, creeds and sexualities. All I cared about was their skills. But if some bloke showed up who'd achieved his 3 year degree in six and a half years I'd want a good reason why. Otherwise I'd see him as a total wanker.

What do you prefer: "Sorry, I'm a total wanker who plays video games instead of working"

"Next!"

So take some positive action and get your butt into gear. And is sulk boi has gone to bed, tough shit. Get your degree finished, and do it well.

Or go and get that crap job in telesales and remind yourself about why you did that as you drag yourself into work every day.

I'm not into stroking you to make you feel good because you're unhappy. Sulk boi in the bedroom can do that. Just get on with it and get it finished. and then get the best job you can.

[Updated on: Fri, 26 March 2010 17:00]




Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: Fail=me  [message #61628 is a reply to message #61618] Fri, 26 March 2010 17:01 Go to previous messageGo to next message
kiwi is currently offline  kiwi

Likes it here
Location: New Zealand
Registered: August 2009
Messages: 317



Saben,

I know that it can go against the grain, but listen to your elders! There's some really good advice there, all of it. These guys have been where you are now and they know what they're talking about.

Do you really want a degree? If so, go and do it. The time taken doesn't matter, except in timmy's job-interview scenario. What is important is to finish it, if you want it.

Last Tuesday, (to the delight of the Opposition),our Parliament spent 10 minutes of the government's legislative time congratulating one Stephen Joyce on his recently completing his degree, 21 years after he began it. Who is Stephen Joyce? Just the Minister of Teriary Education.

It does make it easier, but you don't need a degree to succeed in life. In the real world there are plenty of educated idiots and some of the most brilliant people i've ever know neither have, want or need a piece of paper that says that they are.

You are obviously far from stupid. Just choose what you want for yourself and be happy - that's all that matters really.

cheers



Commas matter - 'Party on Dudes' is not the same as 'Party on, Dudes'
Re: Fail=me  [message #61644 is a reply to message #61628] Sat, 27 March 2010 23:49 Go to previous messageGo to next message
attatood.too is currently offline  attatood.too

Likes it here
Location: Canada
Registered: March 2010
Messages: 188




Kiwi said: "It does make it easier, but you don't need a degree to succeed in life. In the real world there are plenty of educated idiots and some of the most brilliant people i've ever know neither have, want or need a piece of paper that says that they are."

Love it! That about sums it up. Smile



I prefer guys that don't come in a box.
Re: Fail=me  [message #61645 is a reply to message #61605] Sun, 28 March 2010 06:28 Go to previous messageGo to next message
saben is currently offline  saben

On fire!

Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537



I'm feeling better now.

As Macky says- it's just chemicals that are triggered in response to shock.

It's a pain. And I hate that I'm being screwed around (partially my own fault).


But I'll deal.

Thanks for the comments. While I was feeling shit I didn't pay them much heed, but re-reading there's some valuable insights there.


Once I get my degree I'll be heading back to Japan, probably. So I'm not TOO concerned about having a "clean academic record". I used to work with guys that hadn't completed year 10 when I lived there before. My goal is to open my own school over there. So being self-employed I won't need to worry too much about the opinions of others.

It is a pain that my plans are being delayed by 6-12 months, but I will try and see if I can work my way around that.



Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
Re: Fail=me  [message #61707 is a reply to message #61645] Wed, 31 March 2010 06:13 Go to previous message
ray2x is currently offline  ray2x

Really getting into it
Location: USA
Registered: April 2009
Messages: 429



Care for a late piece of advice?
Never, never give up!!!
Take down the self imposed limits and continue on with your goals and dreams!
And forgive me for some bluntness, you're going to fail a few more times along the life way. You have quite a few friends to support you and slap you on your butt for encouragement. Enjoy your slaps.



Raymundo
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