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I had a guy post at my Voy forum today an advertisement for his counselling service from NSW Australia. I went and took a look and found this story on his site about Male rape. The statistics are SO alarming.. it made me feel......... well.. anyway it is SOOOOO sad and so terrible and looks like it is the tip of a rather large ICE berg..... 
http://www.onlinecounsellingnsw.com/modules.php?name=News&;new_topic=14" target="_blank">Online Counselling NSW
A third of sexual-assault victims seeking help from the largest victims' support service in the Australian state of Victoria (where Melbourne is) are male, the Herald Sun reported June 16.
"We have found the number of men who are victims that we really didn't know about to be absolutely amazing," said Liz Bishop, a governmental ministerial adviser working with the Victims Referral and Assistance Service (VRAS). "It really has surprised everybody."
VRAS Victim Services Supervisor George Halkias said men have become more willing to discuss sexual attacks. "There's been a change in that macho mentality and a lot of guys are willing to open up a bit more these days and have a chat about it," he said.
Victoria Police recorded 809 rapes on females and 105 on males during 1997-98. There were 3,664 non-rape sex offenses of which 955 were on boys or men.
People have a habit of changing your direction through life
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rbryce
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Likes it here |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 216
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seems to be a good site,but i have a few questions. why is this site charging money for its services and second,what about its privacy policy--seems a bit unclear..I hope I am mistaken,but the site seems a bit commercial. I would hope that this guy is not capitalizing on others. rob
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I know he is commercial but I thought ppl would find it a lil interesting anyway?? he is just enterprizing. I thought also more ppl would look and at LEAST offer comments??
I noticed that the more Argumentative the thread is, the more replies. Maybe I should have started a fight and would have gotten more ppl to look??
People have a habit of changing your direction through life
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hey don't jump down my throat takes awhile for me to read through all the posts... I look at them all. You're right it is a fairly cool site. If thats the numbers for Australia I wonder what the American numbers are like...
Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?
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Dunno what to say.
It's sad, too sad really. I don't know how to deal with all the sad in the world, bud... That's why I didn't read it, I'm sorry.
Now I see you're sad so I feel I should tell you why.
I wanted to reply, I really did. Note, I didn't reply to the fights either so don't be mad at me please! 
-L
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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rbryce
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Likes it here |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 216
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why start a fight-there never was one,just sour grapes.Maybe the reason for so few responses is that we are so well adjusted.
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e
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On fire! |
Location: currently So Cal
Registered: May 2002
Messages: 1179
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I have been spending my time writing and not reading the last couple of days so I hadn't gotten around to following the link. But you do deserve a reply.
The headline may actually be misleading. While it suggests that male rape is increasing, the body of the article suggests that the REPORTING of male rape is what is increasing. This would be a good thing as it will help draw attention to the problem and hopefully encourage action to address it and to provide assistance to the victims.
Think good thoughts,
e
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e
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On fire! |
Location: currently So Cal
Registered: May 2002
Messages: 1179
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I think that many of us did not reply initially because it is a subject we would rather not think about. For some in here I am certain that it really hits home. As such, with all the fighting going on, it may be that others may not feel safe enough to post there thoughts and/or experiences. It is a subject very worthy of discussion, however.
Think good thoughts,
e
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Ashley,,,,,,,
Words aren't enough, comfort isn't enough....
A tear and a prayer for each....
Is all I can do
Huggs tight
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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smith
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On fire! |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 1095
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I was just avoiding the 'r' word. Love you..........
{{{{hugs}}}}
smith
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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I've thought for a long time how bad it is that a lot of males are too scared of jeapordising their masculinity to tell people that they've been hurt. By keeping it bottled up and pretending it didn't happen they are just making themselves hurt more. It is sad that the statistics are so high, but at least now people are being open about it so they can get over the hurt.
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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- You must have encouraged him/them
- A real man coudl fight them off
- Fag! You deserved it
- I feel unmanly
- It's taboo. It cannot have hapenned
- People will think I am gay
- It must have been my fault
- The police will say it was my fault
Etcetera.
It takes a brave man to say "I have been raped", a braver one to report it, and a braver one still to follow through with a prosecution.
Ladies who have been raped have it rough. Men who have been raped find it just that bit tougher.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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As do boys. YOu are right Dad(Tim), all of those examples get used and some that you didnt add.
To all of you, I am sorry if I conveyed a wrong impression, I was just kinda hoping that you all might give the other type threads a rest for a while?
I dont think again would I ever report that sort of thing. The innuendo and the pain and remorse and fear and self loathing and and and.................. just too much.
People have a habit of changing your direction through life
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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*hugs* How to follow that up? 'Cept to say that I hope you realise we all love you and are here for you..... Perhaps to say that I'm sure you've grown a lot as a result.... I don't know you too well, but it seems you've been able to move on from it.... It is suspected by my Mum and aunt that my grandfather was raped as a child, there's no confirmation as he's never reported it, his behaviour however reflects a very child-like state of mind a lot of the time. I think there's some parts of him that are just never going to grow up. You've been able to cry for little Ashley, but he IS in a lot of ways still little Tony. It might of hurt, but I think it's worth it......
That's just my contribution. Probably said something wrong. Probably don't know enough about the situation to validly reply. But I hope it did some good.
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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I was wondering about emailing you with this. Then I realised that other boys may need to see it as well.
I have one suggestion and one statement.
The suggestion is to list, here, all the shit that gets used against a guy who reports rape. Really list it. All the warts.
The statement is one you know already. The only way of stopping an abusive, raping "relationship" is to break it. Reporting it is often the only way to do it successfully. Only one like you who was either desperate enough or brave enough or both can know the horror of having to tell someone what happened. And only they know how long it takes to begin to return to normal afterwards. Yet they and you know how much cleaner and more wholesome life is having had that huge courage.
I only met you after the whole thing was finished. If I had met you before I would have helped you talk to your family and the police then. I am hugely proud of you, Ashley.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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No Message Body
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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No Message Body
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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What practical help can we offer to the people that we do not even know, who may find this message thread years from now? or today?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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How do you know if you do?
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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It is a terrible thing to be taken against ones will. It is not an easy memory to live with.
It is very cold here......
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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It goes on and on. The pain abates and even the why, what is left is the HOW. How do I keep going, How do I live with myself, How do I learn to trust, How do I learn to love so unconditionally again, How do I be a person again.????
These things go through your mind all the time and you listen to those around you giving goood advice and telling you things you need(?) to know. You repsond with the only thing you have mostly have at your dispaosal, you fear more. The best way someone can treat you is to talk to you like you are a person and NOT a statistic. It isnt wrong for someone to ask you about what happened and, it is up to YOU to answer their enquiries or not.
You had your innocence and trust damaged and you need to be able to get back some control.
People have a habit of changing your direction through life
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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It does not matter to "know". What matters is that someone has been helped. Even if we never know. Knowing is simply basking in some sort of reflected "glory". Doing is better than knowing.
Two of you here are very brave in starting to speak out in public. I don't say" more mst come forward", but I ask those two of you: "What can be done in a place such as this to be of active help?" And I ask others who feel able to answer, too, if it is not too raw.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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There is some degree of satisfaction and justice in going forward and reporting these things, but the hurt never goes away.
But for some, telling is very hard. Talking about it is even harder.
The pain can sometimes be dulled, it can sometimes be shoved into a dark place so it is hidden away for a short time, but it always breaks free....
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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I don't know............
What Ashley said is right.... Fear kind of encompasses you. It causes you to constantly look over your shoulder.
Trust is the hardest thing to regain though. Even if you love someone more than life itself there are issues that crop up.
It is like walking on egg shells sometimes.....
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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e
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On fire! |
Location: currently So Cal
Registered: May 2002
Messages: 1179
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I have often felt that the best way to learn to do somethng is to do it. If you want to overcome your fear, act fearless. If you want to develop the ability to trust, start trusting. You have taken a big step in here just by talking about it. Now apply it to the real world. Find a friend or a relative, the most likely person you can trust, and trust them with something. It doesn't have to be this, it could be anything though it should be important. The purpose would be to overcome your fear. Once you've trusted them once, do it again. If they let you down, give them another chance. If they come through, trust them with something bigger.
It sounds easy, it isn't. You'll be afraid. You won't be able to find anyone to trust. You'll resist. You'll make excuses. If they give you advice and you want to respond with fear, resist the response and try the advice. Force yourself. Take control.
{{{HUGS}}}
Think good thoughts,
e
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This is easier said then done ...
I know because I have been there ..no matter what anyone says its harder then you think ..until you go through it you will never know what its like ..and how hard it is to deal with ..Its takes alot to start trusting people again .. Because the first thing you must do it to learn to trust yourself again .. and then trust someone else ..
I could go on and on ... but I won't .. it just doesn't do any good ..
And remember my friend * A * you are never alone ...and this is one of the thing you taught me ..
Rick ..
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How about a special little spot on the home page of this site, that links to a private place for them to post and maybe find help. Kinda like your guestbook, but you or someone else can reply to them and help what ever way possible.
Sowwy Ashley, I've just finally started catching up on things here.
Brian
To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.
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rbryce
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Likes it here |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 216
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good point. How about a section (you are not alone).Perhaps we could contact several of the crisis centers listing some web sites that are willing to help out.Although im my opinion the best way to help is for all to simply roll up our sleves and volinteer(sp)our help as much as we can. rob
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Maybe true smith but Telling doesnt relaease the bad feelings. Telling gets you experts who tell you what you are feeling and they also decide that a short stay in an institution is good for you and the therapy they dish out is useful and being told you are a disgrace to your parents and then, they decide that the ONLY person that DOES love you isnt FIT to look after you anymore??
The main trouble is, that the difference between Men and Boys is, just that. Boys have NO control and Men do. Boys get put into places that scare the crap outta them and they KNOW they cant get out under their OWN steam, they have to wait on the Whim of an adult.
The Best way is for the person to be allowed to make some small decisions.. E said about trust. That is a little way into it but not the ONLY way.
Sorry if I sounded like a nut but, This was and IS real for me still..
People have a habit of changing your direction through life
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I know that Rick and I will ALWAYS listen to what you have to say and what you think ok?? I dont believe that only SOME ppl have all the answers.
Saying what you feel inside and what you think isnt a waste of time ok??? EVERYONE has a different outlook on things and yours have made me think in the past and still do ok?
What you said about trusting yourself is true but, the MOST important thing I think I found is learning to LOVE yourself again....
People have a habit of changing your direction through life
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smith
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On fire! |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 1095
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Ashley~
You sound like a gentle soul who has been through hell and come out on the other side. You amaze me
No, small boys have no control over situations, only what to do about them afterwards. The only control they can manage is to hold it all in and ask for peace, sometimes through a pill bottle. Every situation is different and the consequences will be too.
Telling can release the evil but only if it's to people who will not judge or control; only listen and guide. Slowly, the boy may be able to look into someone's eyes again and stop trying to be gold all the time.
smith
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for all those who have had the misfortune to find themselves with the wrong person at the wrong place at the wrong time and who still suffer years later in lonely silence.
Thanks Ashley and others for posting here and helping me understand a little bit more about this difficult subject.
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e
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On fire! |
Location: currently So Cal
Registered: May 2002
Messages: 1179
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Telling does get you "experts." And yes, if you are a boy (minor) those "experts" will make decisions for you. There is a good chance that you won't like those decisions and that those decsions will hurt. A therapist should never tell you what you feel or what you should feel. He should only assist you in understanding what you feel and why you feel that way. He should also assist you in dealing with your feelings and in overcoming them. You think you should be allowed to make small decisions, I won't disagree with that. You are old enough to make some decsions. Which ones I cannot say as I do not know you or you situation well enough. You do not sound like a nut. You sound like a person who wants and needs help.
I mentioned trust because you talked about it in your post. You spoke of "trust" and "control" and you asked "how?" The way I suggested is A way, not THE way. I believe that taking action puts you in control so I suggested an action. You do not have to trust to take that action, only act like you trust.
If the "authorities" or "experts" are making most decisions for you, then make the decisions that they ignore. You can decide what side of the bed to get up on in the morning, the clothes you are going to wear, the hand you will hold your fork in, etc. That may sound silly, but if you learn what things you can control and then control them, you may begin to feel more in control.
One of the reasons I sign my posts "Think good thoughts" is to remind myself to do just that. Sometimes it isn't easy. I get depressed. But if I can force myself to think good thoughts, I can overcome the depression.
{{{HUGS}}}
Think good thoughts,
e
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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IP addresses ARE recorded, but I choose not to dislay them.
However I tried an experiment a couple of years ago with a yahoo group which was a dismal failure. I feel it attracted some "unusual" people, too.
Any area of the site is not private. A hard to find ares is useless. This area, here, is meant to be for this purpose. That is why I get so distressed when we use it to fight instead
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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If the deleted person would like to email me i will explain. The ther may but need not. he will understand why i have done so
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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A person who has been raped is a victim of a crime. It doesn't matter what sex or age, they were forced to cede a part of themselves that should belong only to them, and that is a crime. A crime of violence, a crime that is condemned all over the world. As a victim you are not be blamed, you are not be held responsible, and you are not to be punished for that which was perpetrated against you.
The above should be legislated, mandated, taught in school, and shouted from the highest treetops until every person in the world understands that the victim of a rape is just that, a victim.
Off my soapbox now. I don't know what I can add to what everyone else has said, except you can't give up trying. Trying to trust, trying to love, trying to believe. True friends will help, so let them. It is a long, difficult journey, but can be made somewhat easier with the help, love, and understanding of your friends.
Hugs, Charlie
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I thanx you E for taking the time to explain more and also to reassure. One thing you dont think of are the simple things like getting up and eating and the like, they become autonomic. You get sick of being told "it is for YOUR own good" or, "you will see eventually it will be better", "maybe if you had listened to???", the list is endless.
The only friend I had was a non-person. Mr Teddy, he made NO judgements, he never said I was bad and he just stayed silent when I hugged him and cried on him. THAT, is the thing most ppl need. child OR Adult. It is usually the thing that ppl NEVER get. All ppl who suffer rape and the like want is, to be held and loved. After you start getting a lot of that, the trust can be considered.
I hope that any person who has read these posts here and is maybe just staying in the back ground, that they will not be scared away by the blatant remarks or the feelings I have expressed. If you are one that HAS gone through this, TELL your Parents FIRST ok?? and DONT stop them from holding you and loving you ok? If you are older and have no parents, find a friend and hold THEM and Hugs them. IT is a good start.
Dont expect it to go away either, it IS a part of your life, an experience and all you can do is try to live with it. I do daily and sometimes it is hard and at other times a lil easier. Find time to LOVE something or someone too, it will be returned eventually.... Ashley D
People have a habit of changing your direction through life
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tim...of usa
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Likes it here |
Location: buffalo, new york...USA
Registered: July 2002
Messages: 266
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i have lived that pain
i have shed those tears
hugs
peace
tim
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Male Rape Up in Australia 
Re: Not Many replies here?? 
Knowing is probably a conceit 
Re: So, how do we help? 
