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You are here: Home > Forum > A Place of Safety > General Talk > Suicide
Suicide  [message #67058] Wed, 03 October 2012 14:48 Go to next message
Pulsar132 is currently offline  Pulsar132

Getting started
Location: Kent
Registered: September 2012
Messages: 29




Whilst on Facebook earlier I saw a post come up. Caught my attention so I had to read. It brought a lump to my throat!

----------

Wanna kill yourself? Imagine this.

You come home from school one day.
You've had yet another horrible day.
You're just ready to give up.
So you go to your room, close the door, and take out that suicide note you've written and rewritten over and over and over You take out those razor blades, and cut for the very last time.
You grab that bottle of pills and take them all.

Laying down, holding the letter to your chest, you close your eyes for the very last time.

A few hours later, your little brother knocks on your door to come tell you dinners ready.
You don't answer, so he walks in.
All he sees is you laying on your bed, so he thinks you're asleep.

He tells your mom this.
Your mom goes to your room to wake you up.
She notices something is odd.
She grabs the paper in your hand and reads it.

Sobbing, she tries to wake you up.
She's screaming your name.
Your brother, so confused, runs to go tell Dad that "Mommy is crying and sissy won't wake up." Your dad runs to your room.
He looks at your mom, crying, holding the letter to her chest, sitting next to your lifeless body.
It hits him, what's going on, and he screams. He screams and throws something at the wall. And then, falling to his knees, he starts to cry.
Your mom crawls over to him, and they sit there, holding each other, crying.

The next day at school, there's an announcement.
The principal tells everyone about your suicide.
It takes a few seconds for it to sink in, and once it does, everyone goes silent.

Everyone blames themselves.
Your teachers think they were too hard on you.
Those mean popular girls, they think of all the things they've said to you.
That boy that used to tease you and call you names, he can't help but hate himself for never telling you how beautiful you really are.
Your ex boyfriend, the one that you told everything to, that broke up with you.. He can't handle it. He breaks down and starts crying, and runs out of the school.
Your friends? They're sobbing too, wondering how they could never see that anything was wrong, wishing they could have helped you before it was too late.

And your best friend? She's in shock.
She can't believe it.
She knew what you were going through, but she never thought it would get that bad... Bad enough for you to end it.
She can't cry, she can't feel anything.
She stands up, walks out of the classroom, and just sinks to the floor.
Shaking, screaming, but no tears coming out.

It's a few days later, at your funeral.
The whole town came.
Everyone knew you, that girl with the bright smile and bubbly personality.
The one that was always there for them, the shoulder to cry on.

Lots of people talk about all the good memories they had with you, there were a lot.
Everyone's crying, your little brother still doesn't know you killed yourself, he's too young.
Your parents just said you died. It hurts him, a lot.
You were his big sister, you were supposed to always be there for him.
Your best friend, she stays strong through the entire service, but as soon as they start lowering your casket into the ground, she just loses it.
She cries and cries and doesn't stop for days.

It's two years later.
The whole school talks to a counselor/therapist at least once a week.
Your teachers all quit their job.
Those mean girls have eating disorders now.
That boy that used to tease you cuts himself.
Your ex boyfriend doesn't know how to love anymore and just sleeps around with girls.
Your friends all go into depression.
Your best friend? She tried to kill herself.
She didn't succeed like you did, but she tried...

Your brother?
He finally found out the truth about your death.
He self harms, he cries at night, he does exactly what you did for years leading up to your suicide.

Your parents?
Their marriage fell apart.
Your dad became a workaholic to distract himself from your death.
Your mom got diagnosed with depression and just lays in bed all day.

People care.
You may not think so, but they do.
Your choices don't just effect you.
They effect everyone.
Don't end your life, you have so much to live for.
Things can't get better if you give up.

I'm here for absolutely anyone that needs to talk, no matter who you are.
Even if we've NEVER talked before.

I'm here for you.

----------

i just had to share this. When your in that state, the things in this don't go through your head. Nothing does.

[Updated on: Wed, 03 October 2012 18:11]




I'll update with some wise words of wisdom when i can think of something....[/center]
Re: Suicide  [message #67059 is a reply to message #67058] Wed, 03 October 2012 15:37 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13739



I think these things help while we are rational to stop us doing things when we are not being rational.

(any chance you can edit it to throw in a few para breaks?)



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: Suicide  [message #67062 is a reply to message #67059] Wed, 03 October 2012 18:06 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Pulsar132 is currently offline  Pulsar132

Getting started
Location: Kent
Registered: September 2012
Messages: 29




I agree. Things like this help us snap back to reality for a second and think.

(No problems... the fb post has any but i'll put in a few)



I'll update with some wise words of wisdom when i can think of something....[/center]
Re: Suicide  [message #67064 is a reply to message #67058] Wed, 03 October 2012 19:41 Go to previous messageGo to next message
NW is currently offline  NW

On fire!
Location: Worcester, England
Registered: January 2005
Messages: 1558



The pressures  on gay youth, even in Western and fairly liberal countries, are immense. HRC has just released the results of a survey of 10,000 LGBT 10-13-year olds in the USA, which makes pretty scary reading. A survey in Israel showed suicide attempts among gay kids was 112 times higher than among straight kids: horrifying.
see http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2012/10/03/us-gay-rights-group-rel eases-huge-study-of-lgbt-youth/

That's why things like "it gets better" are so important - and why I think that it helps for adults to come out and be open about their sexuality, the obstacles they faced, and how they have overcome them. And it's why this place, and others on the net, are so valuable.



"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
Re: Suicide  [message #67065 is a reply to message #67064] Wed, 03 October 2012 20:15 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13739



At first sight not related, but watch to the end.




Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: Suicide  [message #67066 is a reply to message #67065] Wed, 03 October 2012 20:37 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Pulsar132 is currently offline  Pulsar132

Getting started
Location: Kent
Registered: September 2012
Messages: 29




I saw that on facebook.

She absolutely crushed that man. And too right also. It's nice she acknowledged sexual preference. When i was coming to terms (albeit only 7/8 years ago) i never heard hardly anything about being gay. So now that it's being spoke about more. More help is out there and such things should start getting easier for teens in the future who happen to be LGBTQ Smile.

[Updated on: Wed, 03 October 2012 20:37]




I'll update with some wise words of wisdom when i can think of something....[/center]
Re: Suicide  [message #67067 is a reply to message #67066] Wed, 03 October 2012 21:11 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13739



I think the only thing I quarrel with is the word 'preference'. I know you were quoting her, she is the one I am criticising. not you.

I have a sexual orientation. I am homosexual. It is not my preference. I would infinitely prefer to have been heterosexual, but I am not. My orientation is immutable. A preference implies that I can change.



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: Suicide  [message #67068 is a reply to message #67067] Wed, 03 October 2012 22:11 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Pulsar132 is currently offline  Pulsar132

Getting started
Location: Kent
Registered: September 2012
Messages: 29




Quote:
timmy wrote on Wed, 03 October 2012 22:11I think the only thing I quarrel with is the word 'preference'. I know you were quoting her, she is the one I am criticising. not you.

I have a sexual orientation. I am homosexual. It is not my preference. I would infinitely prefer to have been heterosexual, but I am not. My orientation is immutable. A preference implies that I can change.

--
Yup i agree there. When she said 'preference' it sounded good but not 'right'.

When you look in the dictionary what defines preference is
"A greater liking for one alternative over another or others."

So she has symbolised it to be a choice which has been the norm when 'gays' are concerned. We quite happily chose to live a life of secrecy as situations are too chaotic to be open with society. Live unhappy with things. Have the slurs and names thrown at us if we try and be 'happy'.

It's getting to where we are getting accepted but we just aren't quite "there" yet.



I'll update with some wise words of wisdom when i can think of something....[/center]
Re: Suicide  [message #67069 is a reply to message #67068] Wed, 03 October 2012 22:35 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13739



"Quote:"
Pulsar132 wrote on Wed, 03 October 2012 23:11
It's getting to where we are getting accepted but we just aren't quite "there" yet.

Broadly, my generation kind of started things off with some very brave souls forming things like The Gay Liberation Front. We weren't good at things, and we fought a huge set of battles as battles. Perhaps we needed to. We were learning.

I was not among them. I am neither proud of that nor ashamed. I was simply not brave enough, though I could and should have been. Instead I cowered in the closet. I watched as later generations turned the battles into simple human rights issues, and won in Europe with legislation to protect human rights. And yet the USA is a hgely backward nation and fails to follow the civilised world's lead.

Your generation will not be the last to fight, but it is the first that can live openly without much fear of being despised, bullied or hurt. At least that is true in the civilised world. In the USA less so, in Saudi Arabia not at all. In sub Saharan Africa absolutely not.

[Updated on: Wed, 03 October 2012 22:40]




Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: Suicide  [message #67070 is a reply to message #67069] Wed, 03 October 2012 22:58 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Pulsar132 is currently offline  Pulsar132

Getting started
Location: Kent
Registered: September 2012
Messages: 29




Quote:
timmy wrote on Wed, 03 October 2012 23:35
"Quote:"
Pulsar132 wrote on Wed, 03 October 2012 23:11
It's getting to where we are getting accepted but we just aren't quite "there" yet.

Broadly, my generation kind of started things off with some very brave souls forming things like The Gay Liberation Front. We weren't good at things, and we fought a huge set of battles as battles. Perhaps we needed to. We were learning.

I was not among them. I am neither proud of that nor ashamed. I was simply not brave enough, though I could and should have been. Instead I cowered in the closet. I watched as later generations turned the battles into simple human rights issues, and won in Europe with legislation to protect human rights. And yet the USA is a hgely backward nation and fails to follow the civilised world's lead.

Your generation will not be the last to fight, but it is the first that can live openly without much fear of being despised, bullied or hurt. At least that is true in the civilised world. In the USA less so, in Saudi Arabia not at all. In sub Saharan Africa absolutely not.

--
Yeah we've come a long way in quite a short space of time. When i was in the closet and confused and what not. I done so much research on being gay. Hearing about the marches and the triumphs of stonewall and the sad times too.

Not long ago we would of been criminals for simply being who we are. But some very brave people got the balls rolling and changed it.

I only really experienced homophobic bullying at school and after i finished college and got myself a partner. We never got off with eachother in public but we still had people shout things and such. Sometimes I'd just laugh it off. Sometimes it really hurt.
I got beat up once, but that was because they decided to pick on the gay guy who had a real bad day and answered back. The wounds were superficial but they still scar me inside.
When someone shouts "GAY", "FAGGOT" or such my insides freeze. I can't react, I simply loose all self respect i have for myself and try and flee.
It shouldn't be like that.

I can't wait for the day when we don't have to go "I'm gay" where i can just say "OMG I'm so in love with Taylor" or such. Just like how Heterosexuals don't have to admit to themselves they are straight and come out where it isn't the 'norm'



I'll update with some wise words of wisdom when i can think of something....[/center]
Re: Suicide  [message #67078 is a reply to message #67067] Fri, 05 October 2012 16:01 Go to previous messageGo to next message
attatood.too is currently offline  attatood.too

Likes it here
Location: Canada
Registered: March 2010
Messages: 188




Quote:
timmy wrote on Wed, 03 October 2012 21:11I think the only thing I quarrel with is the word 'preference'. I know you were quoting her, she is the one I am criticising. not you.

I have a sexual orientation. I am homosexual. It is not my preference. I would infinitely prefer to have been heterosexual, but I am not. My orientation is immutable. A preference implies that I can change.

--
Much like the word "tolerance" gets thrown about by the media. I don't want to just be "tolerated", I want to be "accepted". Hopefully one day, people will get the words right.



I prefer guys that don't come in a box.
Re: Suicide  [message #67079 is a reply to message #67078] Fri, 05 October 2012 17:58 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13739



When I was 7 years old one of my school colleagues was a lad from Nigeria. We didn't tolerate him, nor did we accept him. We either liked him or didn't. I didn't. He broke my nose.

I am as normal as the next man (or woman). I have hopes, fears, eccentricities, likes, dislikes that they will recognise because I, as they are, am human. They may not agree with me, nor like me, but that is as a human, not as a [descriptive adjective] human.

Martin Luther King was a human rights activist. He happened to be black and the rights he fought for were those for black folk. It made sense for him to fight for the rights closest to his heart. But I look at him as a man, not a black man. Obama is as human as am I. He is not the USA's 'black president', nor is Romney his 'white opponent'. They are both human beings. I agree with one's views more than the other's.

So, don't accept me either. Acceptance is as active a concept as tolerance, just a degree less. I don;t want anything more than to be unexceptional for what I am, but exceptional for who I am.



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: Suicide  [message #67081 is a reply to message #67079] Fri, 05 October 2012 19:01 Go to previous message
attatood.too is currently offline  attatood.too

Likes it here
Location: Canada
Registered: March 2010
Messages: 188




Very well put Timmy. It is also noteworthy that Obama is also half white. We, as humans also tend to emphasize what we see as being the "whole" of the individual or thing. Obama has dark skin pigment and therefore is referred to as black. Most people don't see my gay side (for lack of a better term), so I am thought of as straight. I still think we all need an acceptance that we are all human beings, considered as a whole species rather than labeled to death into increasingly small divisions thereof. I am Peter, you are Timmy. Both a part of the greater total. Beyond that is irrelevant. We are who we are and it would be a very boring existence if we were all the same.



I prefer guys that don't come in a box.
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