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The objective of sex  [message #68387] Sat, 15 March 2014 15:29 Go to next message
timmy   United Kingdom

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13497

I was prompted by this image:


As images go it is a pretty reasonable representation of sex between gentlemen. But what is their objective in the act?

We see just a picture, no history, but can we ascribe emotions, motivation, more than simple rutting?

And, now, turning to you, what is your objective during sex? Or is sex the objective? And why do you say that whatever you say is your objective? Can you achieve it, do you achieve it?

Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: The objective of sex  [message #68388 is a reply to message #68387] Sat, 15 March 2014 17:13 Go to previous message
Kitzyma is currently offline  Kitzyma   United Kingdom

Likes it here

Registered: March 2012
Messages: 215

Okay, this is my personal opinion. It may be phrased in parts like statements of objective truth, but that's just a combination of my style of writing and not wishing to preface every sentence with 'I think...' or 'I believe...'.

We can want sex out of desire or we can use sex as a tool to get other things when we don't really have much desire for sex itself. Sometimes that isn't such a clear distinction. I think the question raised by the posting is related more to desire aspect rather than the tool aspect, so this post is aimed mainly at the former.

The desire for sex is a basic biological drive, like hunger and thirst. When there are emotions attached to sex they are more likely to be related to the decision about who one decides to have sex with rather than whether or not to have sex at all. 

Personal things like taste will decide what sort of foods give most pleasure or what sort of sex is most exciting. However, when the physical need is great and choice is limited people can be much less fussy. When the physical need is sated and one is full of food it's difficult to work up enthusiasm to eat even the most delicious foods and when one is satiated with sex it's difficult to feel a strong desire to shag even the most attractive person.

As with eating and drinking, there is a biological objective (a biological objective for gay sex is a subject for a different discussion). So for the most part sex itself can be said to be the only objective that is required, just as the objects of eating and drinking are to assuage hunger and thirst.

Of course, superimposed on that physical desire can be other (e.g. social) objectives. e.g. One can eat a meal with friends to enjoy their company as well as assuage hunger. However, it's difficult to eat much when you're not hungry just to be sociable.  A person can, for social or financial reasons have sex (or even marry) when there is little real physical attraction but then the sex is a price to pay to get other objectives rather than something they really desire.

Presumably a prostitute can have sex for money when they don't really feel a desire for sex itself. On the other hand, that might be easier for a female prostitute to do more often than an active (i.e. 'top') male prostitute because the latter needs to have enough desire to get and maintain an erection.

As in most decisions people make to do or not to do something, even if people think they have an objective, the stated objective is probably a rational justification of something they'd already subconsciously decided to do.

e.g. BBC - Horizon - How You Really Make Decisions

"Every day you make thousands of decisions, big and small, and behind all them is a powerful battle in your mind, pitting intuition against logic. This conflict affects every aspect of your life - from what you eat to what you believe, and especially to how you spend your money. And it turns out that the intuitive part of your mind is a lot more powerful than you may realise."

So we might say we choose to have sex with a particular person because of some attributes we recognise (kindness, beauty, etc) but in reality the decision was made subconsciously based on criteria we may have been unaware of. The reasons we give to ourselves and others are rationalisations. Because of that, if we have (or believe we have) objectives other than the desire for sex and/or if we use sex as a tool to get other things, even if the only thing we are seeking is just to be 'wanted', then  there is a great chance that we will be disappointed.
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