A Place of Safety - RDF feed
type: channel
description: I expect simple behaviours here. Friendship, and love. Any advice should be from the perspective of the person asking, not the person giving! We have had to make new membership moderated to combat the huge number of spammers who register
items: Pedophilia
items: Re: Pedophilia
items: We ran a poll a while ago
items: Re: We ran a poll a while ago

Pedophilia
type: item
description: Hey guys! I have been wondering about this topic for some time, so I would like to hear your opinion. It might be a touchy subject, but here it is... Would you say pedophilia is wrong? I mean, the sole act of being sexually attracted to children is evil? I want to clear out that there is a difference between pedophilia (the arousal itself) and pederasty (acting in order to satisfy such impulses). Isn't a pedophile a victim of those thoughts, incapable of suppressing them from his mind. I don't want to offend anyone, but isn't it a bit like gay people? They can't help their sexual preferences it either. Obviously, I'm talking about those who don't consume illegal pornographic material involving underage individuals. I would like to hear what you think.
creator: Hugs
date: 2016-01-12T22:40:15-00:00

Re: Pedophilia
type: item
description: You pose simple questions, but the answers are complex. First, the definition is complex. A true paedophile is one attracted to children who are pre-pubertal. The media, though, considers anyone attracted to those under the age of sexual consent to be paedophiles. However, the age of sexual consent is a construct from the 1800s and has no relationship with puberty except by coincidence, and varies nation to nation, so it is not a useful guideline in moral terms, though there is a set of precise offences one commits if one tampers with a person under that age. Being sexually attracted to a pre-pubertal child is more incorrect than whatever one defines "wrong" to be. If one assumes attraction to be primarily intended to reproduce the species then being attracted to a person below breeding age is incorrect in that it is pointless. And yet Bonobos will have sex with any age of Bonobo, and, come to that, any sex. So much for intelligent design! However, it accomplishes no end goal except for pure sexual fulfilment We have determined, as a society, that sex with a person under the age of consent is unlawful, and we have delegated this decision to those whom we allow to draft the laws. Thus, certainly in a democracy, we have agreed, at least implicitly, that no such sexual acts are allowed. And yet some children who are pre-pubertal flirt like crazy, or are in some way alluring, perhaps sexually attractive. It is not wrong to be attracted to them, though it is unlawful to do more than be attracted in a very passive manner. I surmise that almost all adult males and many adult females have found at least one child in some manner sexually attractive and that none of them will admit it for fear of reprisals. I argue with your words "Sexual Preference" on the simple basis that sexuality is an orientation. I happen to be homosexual. My preference would be to be heterosexual. Orientation and preference are by no means the same thing even if they occupy the same part of the spectr…
creator: timmy
date: 2016-01-12T23:13:04-00:00

Re: Pedophilia
type: item
description: I'd say it isn't wrong to be attracted to pre-pubertal children. Evil? I don't think so. It is wrong to carry out any sexual contact with kids, and evil. Those of such young age simply aren't ready for sexual situations. They're kids and should be thinking about schoolwork and playing with their friends. Sometimes they do become sexually explorative, and with those of their own age I'd say that's about as normal as things get. But an adult shouldn't be arousing their curiosities or 'initiating' them into sexual thoughts or situations. Like Pink Floyd sang... "Leave them kids alone!" Those attracted to kids can't help how they've developed and what they've ended up attracted to. They can control themselves and not mess with kids. If they can't control themselves, they should seek help. The kids don't need bothered in those ways. Let them develop those aspects of their personality on their own in their own time. As for my own opinion, no, it's not evil or wrong to be attracted to kids, the same sex, or teens, or even animals. Some do say it is evil, however. Animals and kids, now, I have a problem with that. As for animals, so long as I or my pet isn't involved, and the animal isn't harmed, I don't want to know. I don't understand it at all. I suppose that is much how homophobes feel about homosexuality. But I'm not going to stone an animal lover to death over their trysts. When I was in my late thirties, I was accused of being a pedophile and 'grooming' a 17-18 year-old on a website. Yes, I found him attractive and very sexy, but I knew there was nothing real to be had there, just a fascination and attraction that I eventually explained to the guy. Someone decided to invade our privacy and read those PMs, and I was banned for 'grooming' and labeled a pedophile. Funny thing was, the 'victim' and I ended up chatting on Skype for the first time immediately after I was banned there, and getting to know each other even more after the banning. So if I was grooming the guy,…
creator: Smokr
date: 2016-01-13T07:25:03-00:00

Re: Pedophilia
type: item
description: Think of all the animals that would have been locked up now if they had to act on our human rules! I saw the next door neighbors' cat who is around 13 years old trying to screw my kitten Saturn, who is 14 weeks old. Its all about animal instincts for the most part but there is a line of moral decency we have to abide by if we are going to call ourselves a civilized species. My argument has always been what can an adult find sexually attractive about a prepubescent boy/girl. But then we are talking in the realms of 5-13 in most cases. Once you start getting to 14,15 and 16 then it becomes a grey area because my friend at work has a 15 year old brother who always boasts about how experienced he is between the sheets. Hot air the words may be but the fact that he talks like that suggests he knows exactly what sexuality is and is probably engaging in it. However as I approach my mid thirties I have found my age preferences to have also changed. To me a 15 year old boy (whatever hot stud he thinks he is) is still a child and does not rev my engine, because I see a child. Sure, I might think he is attractive, hence the comment you sometimes hear "Thats a good looking kid you have there" but the eagerness to engage in sexual intercourse with him is non existent. But, take me back 10 years and I vividly remember being very attracted to a certain male around 16 years old. and its funny... back then I felt that 16 was an almost mature age when I was 25. Go forward again 10 years and now I see 16 as still a child and NOW a 16 year old would do nothing for me simply because my mind has changed its angle or whatever the word is. Besides, I am probably not the best one to comment on this thread because I have always leaned towards older men in general. My last boyfriend before I met my long term partner now was 10 years older than me, in the military and a hairy, macho handsome stud I loved hanging on the end of. I think society gets uptight because the child is supposed to be th…
creator: James Matthews
date: 2016-01-13T20:07:37-00:00

Re: Pedophilia
type: item
description: Quote: WestcliffWriter wrote on Wed, 13 January 2016 20:07 Say if it were YOUR child and he or she came home as a 12 year old (for example) and said, Daddy, my PE teacher was watching me get undressed and rubbing himself in certain places. As a father what would you wish to do to that teacher? Anyone who says they would not have a problem with are either liars or equally disturbed as the teacher. -- I'm just picking this part. As a father I would not have been pleased. But it is because a teacher is in a special position, one of trust and power, and with special access to my child, not because they may have found him attractive at 12. I hold a teacher, as does the law, to be in a special position. I do not expect them to express in any way their interest in my child. I am far less concerned if the young neighbour lad a few years older than my son finds him interesting. In both of these situations I see my job as a father to be the one of reassuring him that he is good looking and that people will find him attractive, and that there is no reason for him to feel concerned unless this makes him feel uncomfortable. How I react then depends on the way our conversation goes, but the last thing I want to do is to create any sense of being a victim in him. I base this on my own school experiences, in a number of situations At eight, perhaps nine, we, as a class, were all interfered with by a maths master. We took our work up individually to his desk at the front of the class. If we were right he patted our little bottoms, wrong and he squeezed our little bollocks. We ignored it all and thought he was silly. We preferred to be patted to be squeezed. Maths was learned. He was obviously a groper, but no-one was affected, no-one was a victim. At 11 a school friend told us all he was having sex with his older sister. She was about 15/16. He was proud, we were jealous. He seemed a well rounded, well adjusted lad. Under the law he was a victim, she was a predator. He said she had …
creator: timmy
date: 2016-01-13T20:48:40-00:00

Re: Pedophilia
type: item
description: I find Timmy's experiences rather interesting, for they show a child or a young adolescent does not need to be seen necessarily as a "victim" even in the presence of some sort of titillation or groping. More generally, kids discover sexuality mainly through the changes in their bodies and through interaction with their peers and they can mostly evaluate either by themselves or collectively what they do or do not wish to do sexually, although sexual discovery implies necessarily progressive traumas (in terms of pushing boundaries, not of violence). I find the idea of an age of consent absolutely disturbing, as if desire could be restrained by law, which is something that belongs to totalitarian regimes, although democracies seem to advocate it in order to protect kids. In most cases the law does not protect anyone, it actually creates occasions for molesters to act in the dark and abuse their power in order to obtain sexual favors from someone who is underage. Actually, being able to express love for a 13 or 14-year-old kid openly will protect him much more, for most of the psychological blackmail that takes place in these cases and takes advantage of embarrassing secrets would have no reason to exist. I think the body will tell the boy whether he wishes to explore sexual acts or not and if the act is not socially stigmatized and the adult respects the limits of the boy's wishes, then for me there is no issue at all. We seem to see sex as something problematic just because Eros is a very powerful drive but most people do not see that it is repression to damage people, not sex.
creator: aschenbach
date: 2016-01-13T23:18:49-00:00

Re: Pedophilia
type: item
description: When I said pedophilia I was referring to lecherous attraction to a minor, which, since it is it is not technically unlawful, might or might not be understood as a bad thing. In the eyes of the state's system of laws it is a punishable act to engage oneself in sexual activity with underage individuals. Everyone agrees with that, but this leads me to ask: what should we do with that person that fantasizes with it? It is impossible for him to ever be with the ones he feels attracted to, he has to accept that. Then, should we sympathize with them for being that way? As Smokr said, there's no way they can stop themselves from having those thoughts, but they can voluntarily avoid their actions. Here's another thing: given that we are aware of their situation, isn't it understandable that they become pederasts? What could they do anyway? It's either to do nothing about it, consume the legal (I think it is) pornography (erotic fictions, drawings, animation), or rely on the illegal stuff; in order to get sexual relief. What do you think?
creator: Hugs
date: 2016-01-14T04:05:51-00:00

Re: Pedophilia
type: item
description: A reply from "John" who wrote to me after reading a couple of my stories. We exchanged emails for quite a while before we told each other more about ourselves. It was another while before he told me that he was a pedophile. We've continued to talk and exchange emails for years now. I'd trust him with my sons. Honestly. I'd probably have a talk with them beforehand, and afterward, and I would tell John so. But I would surely trust him with them. I guess, as I don't have any, and I'm sure actually having a son or daughter would likely change many of my thoughts and ideals. "John" is one of two men who have told me they are attracted to boys under 13 and I still communicate with. I have stopped emailing others who have been pushy or outright perverted in emails, who never admitted pedophilia but asked to trade pictures of boys, or spoke too intimately of boys and their anatomy, or such things that simply made me shiver or groan in disgust. That is a risk you take when you write the kind of stories I have written. But writing those stories is a way for guys like "John" to fantasize and release those desires without real-world complications and ramifications. It was after getting to know "John" and others that I began doing stories about even younger characters. As far as I'm concerned it's harmless fiction, just like the murders and mutilations in horror stories, or the other illegal activities in other popular stories ranging from theft to arson to the destruction of billions of lives on Alderan by the death star or the hundreds of fighter pilots in the Imperial fighters and X-wing fighters of the rebels. No one actually blew up Alderan, just as Aiden isn't a real 12 year-old boy picked up by a man on the street in my story Aiden At Twelve. But it entertains someone, and gives them another day of having only real boys to look at and fantasize about and stew in empty, desolate longing until they can't take it any longer and crack and do something they will regret with a…
creator: Smokr
date: 2016-01-14T05:22:15-00:00

Re: Pedophilia
type: item
description: I read the e-mail and both admired his honesty and bluntness but equally I felt rather worried this person has not sought help for his obvious infatuation with prepubescent children. To give his situation a more simple analogy I would say this... Some people smoke weed all their life and are satisfied with the "fix" they get from it. Some people however smoke weed and eventually end up on Heroin because the next level always seems that little bit more attractive. For John's predicament I would say from they way he talks, one moment of weakness could bring his and a child's house of cards crashing down and as with other aspects of life it is all to easy to bring something contained within your mind out into reality and in that respect I worry. We debate on these forums about subjects that offend society... society being a word I see more on this site than anywhere else but people on this site also try to justify Society's collective opinion as just people being brain washed by the masses. No, No, No! Society is much like a Jury. If you have 20 people in a room trying to decide if Mr's Smith's act of murdering his wife because she nagged him all day was right or wrong, and 18 people decided of their own free will that his act WAS wrong then you would have to argue that those 18 people are more likely to be right because 18 of those 20 had the same opinion and came to the same conclusion on Mr Smith's actions. It does not mean that 17 were brainwashed by 1 and those 17 just went along with him because he gave a powerful argument. My point? Well my point is this. If we are being honest, the only people that are going to think that pedophilia is acceptable is pedophiles. I think it is very naive to think (for example) that Mrs X hates pedophiles because Mr Y next door says that's what she should think. There are some things in this world that are just plain and simple wrong. And whether they are consigned to the mental thoughts of a person or acted out in reality does no…
creator: James Matthews
date: 2016-01-15T00:42:10-00:00

Re: Pedophilia
type: item
description: Wes, you didn't read his email close enough. He clearly mentions seeing counselors about it and learning from them. True, some people start with weed and move on to stronger drugs. This guy is considerably older than even me, so if he was going to move on past mere fantasizing, he would have done so decades ago. So would "James" as he's older than me too. I'm fifty. I would think that if I were attracted to kids I would have succumbed to temptation by now. I'm not that strong a person and can barely resist white chocolate or cheescake. In fact, I rarely can resist them. As for your jury = society example, you've clearly never been on a jury or known people who have been. LOL It is quite like that sometimes. One person can literally influence nearly all the others no matter the true right or wrong of the case. Even a cursory study of legal cases will prove how effective one person can be in that deliberation room, right or wrong, facts or no. That extends into all realms of human interaction. Ever seen a dozen kids standing around yelling during a fight? They're not yelling, "Stop it!" they're yelling, "Kick his ass!" because so is everyone else. We're followers by nature, with just a few leader types with the ability to influence others. No one here is arguing pedophilia is acceptable or not. Nor are we discussing whether the acts are right or wrong. We're discussing the question whether a person who has that attraction it is 'right' or 'wrong' in the way a person being gay is 'right' or 'wrong'. Is someone evil because they are attracted to youths the same as someone is evil because they are attracted to the same sex? 99.1% of six billion people say being gay is a wrong. Are they right? Are gays and lesbians evil or mentally deficient? We're attracted to the same sex. Religions spit on us and condemn us, even today. They beat us to death - even today. They throw us off of tall towers -- even today. They throw 15 year old boys of off towers to their gruesome, public…
creator: Smokr
date: 2016-01-15T06:52:32-00:00

Re: Pedophilia
type: item
description: "WestcliffWriter wrote on Thu, 14 January 2016 19:42" I read the e-mail and both admired his honesty and bluntness but equally I felt rather worried this person has not sought help for his obvious infatuation with prepubescent children. ... ... Not only that, when have you ever heard of a story when a person has finally had the courage to admit they were sexually abused as a child come out and say, "Do you know what? When i was being fiddled with at age X, I loved every minute of it." That collective disdain from the children who grew up to say they hated it should stand as all the evidence you need to say that everything about a man perving over a child is wrong. And again, just because it stays as a fantasy of the mind still makes it equally wrong because its like saying that Mr Smith THOUGHT about murdering his wife for 20 years before he did it. But its ok, we wont chastise him because he was only thinking about it, and its ok to THINK about murdering someone isn't it? -- One wonders where he would find a competent source for help with his orientation toward prepubescent children; the history of attempts to cure people of homosexuality suggest that considerable caution would be in order. Revealing such an orientation to an untrustworthy counselor might well prove to be a life-changing mistake. Considering that in this country children are being charged with distribution of child pornography for sending nude selfies to their peers, with the threat of being placed on a sex offender registry for life if convicted, I can well understand why such a person might be reluctant to seek help. Since anyone who has paid the slightest attention will know that any sexual contact they might have had while under the age of consent will be assumed to have been abuse, why would anyone who does not feel abused "admit" to having had such experiences? There could be a significant fraction of the population that has had such contacts and been nothing but pleased about them and we wou…
creator: dgt224
date: 2016-01-15T06:55:05-00:00

Re: Pedophilia
type: item
description: "Quote:" WestcliffWriter wrote on Fri, 15 January 2016 00:42 We debate on these forums about subjects that offend society... society being a word I see more on this site than anywhere else but people on this site also try to justify Society's collective opinion as just people being brain washed by the masses. -- Society is us, too. We are not above it nor outside it. We form part of it as individuals. Society has no opinion. Instead it is made up of people with many subjective opinions, yours, mine, his, hers. Many of these are in disagreement with each other to a larger or smaller degree. Some are diametrically opposed to each other. What happens in a democracy is that we have determined that we will elect people we deem to be suitable for the job to take those myriad opinions, and to distill from those the rules under which we wish live. We consent to this because we have chosen to. That does not mean that any individual is necessarily in total agreement, it means that we choose to abide by the way we have chosen to be governed. So it is nothing to do with anyone being brainwashed. Nor do we discuss things here that offend society per se. We discuss, instead, the things that people shy away from discussing. I wonder, then. Is it paedophlia that is wrong, or is it pederasty? I believe that window shopping is not in any way harmful, but that touching the merchandise is entirely inappropriate. I include improper lingering in showers and similar acts in 'touching the merchandise'. I should also point out that this is a metaphor.
creator: timmy
date: 2016-01-15T12:57:39-00:00

Re: Pedophilia
type: item
description: "Hugs wrote on Thu, 14 January 2016 04:05" When I said pedophilia I was referring to lecherous attraction to a minor, which, since it is it is not technically unlawful, might or might not be understood as a bad thing. In the eyes of the state's system of laws it is a punishable act to engage oneself in sexual activity with underage individuals. Everyone agrees with that, but this leads me to ask: what should we do with that person that fantasizes with it? It is impossible for him to ever be with the ones he feels attracted to, he has to accept that. Then, should we sympathize with them for being that way? As Smokr said, there's no way they can stop themselves from having those thoughts, but they can voluntarily avoid their actions. I think the term "lecherous" is unhelpful. It is an attraction that, if acted on, would be unlawful, and would also cause potential harm to the child, but 'lechery' has religious connotations and is imperfect. "Hugs wrote on Thu, 14 January 2016 04:05" Here's another thing: given that we are aware of their situation, isn't it understandable that they become pederasts? What could they do anyway? It's either to do nothing about it, consume the legal (I think it is) pornography (erotic fictions, drawings, animation), or rely on the illegal stuff; in order to get sexual relief. -- I do not understand the linkage between "our being aware" and "become pederasts" and, in my view, there is none. Those who admit to themselves that they are attracted to this age group do not, in the main, act on their attractions. Pederasty is something they avoid. If they did not avoid it there could be no youth sport, no scouts, guides, nothing that depends on people who enjoy being surrounded by youth, because some, perhaps many, possibly all, are attracted to youth in some manner. Very few tamper with a child. Those who do make headlines. We have yet another such happening in the UK at the moment. Porn is an interesting issue. Many years ago there were Danish m…
creator: timmy
date: 2016-01-15T22:37:50-00:00

Re: Pedophilia
type: item
description: In ways I feel sorry for them. They are attracted to something they can't have. How entirely frustrating that be. My own lecherous attraction to young guys leaves me with no options either, but at least if someone of that age group comes along who is interested in sex with a fifty year old, it won't be illegal. These guys don't even have that possibility, small as it is. And even if they meet an under eighteen who is interested in sex with them, it is still illegal and rather questionable. Especially a child of the age they're for some reason attracted to. They're stuck. It must border on torture. Not only that, but they have to deal with the knowledge that their desires are considered so obscene and disgusting. It must be so demoralizing and depressing. I don't think I could withstand it. I could never act on such desires, so I'm sure I would take the easy way out and put myself out of my own misery. I can't help but admire their tenacity and strength. Odd to say that about a pedophile, but we're trained by society to think of pedophiles and sick perverts that molest kids on a daily basis, leaving the poor boys and girls in a morass of loathing and self-hatred. But it is the pedophile who never acts on their desires that is left in that morass by denying their desires and sparing the child. It's the pederast that we should revile and be asking the question, "Is he/she evil?" That question has an easier answer in my estimation. And a set of questions from "John"... Every straight guy thinks about sex with women. Some straight men rape women. Should all straight men be assumed to be about to rape a woman? Every pedophile thinks about sex with kids. Some pedophiles rape kids. Should all pedophiles be assumed to be about to rape a kid? If a pedophile is wrong for thinking about sex with kids, then aren't all gay men wrong for thinking about sex with men? Then aren't all lesbians wrong for thinking about sex with women? Is a straight man/woman thinking about sex with wo…
creator: Smokr
date: 2016-01-16T04:27:18-00:00

Re: Pedophilia
type: item
description: Interesting questions. While I think thoughts are important, actions, in this case, are much more important than words. Personally, as I get older, younger persons have little attraction to me. I'm over 50, and have no desire for sexual activity with anyone male under the apparent age of 25, and prefer 30 and up. As for females, I can't be attracted to children or any female with slim hips-- that repels me and makes me think "child" even when the female is 35 or 40!
creator: Bisexual_Guy
date: 2016-01-17T00:59:54-00:00

We ran a poll a while ago
type: item
description: Here are the results
creator: timmy
date: 2016-01-20T14:59:27-00:00

Re: We ran a poll a while ago
type: item
description: Another poll, of sorts. Respondents are self-confessed homosexuals attracted to minors willing to answer the question posed by a researcher in 2011. 1,180 answers. Age preference/primary attraction 13-15 = 52% 9-12 = 34% 16-18 = 11% 8 and younger = 2% Age preference/secondary attraction 9-12 = 42% 13-15 = 37% 16-18 = 19% 8 and younger = 1% Apparently more than half of 'pedophiles' are actually ephebophiles. I find it interesting that secondary attraction was mostly to younger instead of older, though 16-18 did almost double, and the numbers were closer.
creator: Smokr
date: 2016-02-26T06:34:17-00:00

Re: Pedophilia
type: item
description: hello, i am liam. i have always been attracted to boys, i am 41 yo now and i love boys so much. i have two nephews that are 10 an 12, but i love them so much as boys i wold never do anything sexually with them, but obviously i do think about it. it is hard being a boylover, always thinking about boys, but knowing you can never experience it with a boy. i think that homosexuality is the same as peadophilia, only difference is that peadophilia refers to young boys. now, homosexuality refers to male to male, but peadophilia refers to man to boy. there are always people of any sexual preference that will act criminal or have criminal thoughts, but those are people no matter what sexual desires they might have, are evil people. peadophilia is not an evil thing, it just means you are sexually excited towards boys. the same can be said about heterosexuality, the sexual attraction to the opposite sex, there is nothing evil about it.
creator: abillionto1
date: 2016-06-24T19:10:22-00:00

Re: Pedophilia
type: item
description: Quote: abillionto1 wrote on Fri, 24 June 2016 20:10hello, i am liam. i have always been attracted to boys, i am 41 yo now and i love boys so much. i have two nephews that are 10 an 12, but i love them so much as boys i wold never do anything sexually with them, but obviously i do think about it. it is hard being a boylover, always thinking about boys, but knowing you can never experience it with a boy. i think that homosexuality is the same as peadophilia, only difference is that peadophilia refers to young boys. now, homosexuality refers to male to male, but peadophilia refers to man to boy. there are always people of any sexual preference that will act criminal or have criminal thoughts, but those are people no matter what sexual desires they might have, are evil people. peadophilia is not an evil thing, it just means you are sexually excited towards boys. the same can be said about heterosexuality, the sexual attraction to the opposite sex, there is nothing evil about it. -- This will have been a difficult post to make. I hear it as a plea form the heart for understanding, the more so since you look, enjoy looking, but do not touch, despite wishing that society felt it was ok to touch. More people than you can imagine are attracted to children of both sexes. It is the mark of a civilised person that he, or she, does not touch. Youth movements would not exist without those who love, truly love, children. It is those who interfere with the child that are a concern to the world, not those who adore them.
creator: timmy
date: 2016-06-24T20:04:54-00:00