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e
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On fire! |
Location: currently So Cal
Registered: May 2002
Messages: 1179
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Sometimes I do forget that a hug is all that may be needed at a particular time. I think that is because for most of my life I had no one to hug me when I needed it. There were very few hugs in my family when I was growing up. I had to find other ways to ge t through the hard times and difficult feelings. Taking action of one sort or another is what worked for me so it's what I tend to prescribe.
I know it is easy to get sick of someone telling you it is for your own good or things will get better, but sometimes it is true. You are also right, though, it never goes away. The best you can hope for is to learn to handle it when the beast rears it's ugly head.
{{{HUGS}}}
Think good thoughts,
e
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13802
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You make such a strong and personal point. And it is a point that all who have been through such things have said to me at one time or another That they felt sometimes unable to accept hugs from the people they needed to hug them the most. And that because some bastard had, at least for a while, ruined the act of hugging.
Sometimes a hug has to by symbolic, too. Delivered emotionally, not physically.
Yes, do tell. And choose wisely the person you tell. 99% of parents are like your father, Ashley. Capable of understanding, and loving unconditionally, willing to fight for his child. But, as we know, some are abusers themselves, or canto cope with hearing of abuse because they were, themselves, badly abused. It is much for a child to judge. The child needs a gentle person to tak to who will never judge them. And frankly, even if the child flirted, it was never the child's fault. Always the adult's. So no judgement except hatof innocence is possible.
From talking to you and others I can say one thing clearly. That it never goes and is a part of all who have suffered is a fact. That it can also be processed and "finished with" is also a fact. I have watched, and sometimes been a small help in the processing. It is a processing that happens when the abusd person is ready and has become able to handle it. No amount of pushing can do this for them. It will always be an important part, but can be made to fade into the background.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13802
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Please let it be so. I have beaten this drum wherever I have been able to talk about abused people.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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I wish it were true... I wish it could have been different.
An appology.......
Sometimes an issue crops up and things seem to go all fuzzy. I get fixated on it and can't seem to let go. Sometimes the "issue" is due to or related to a post or reply here on this MB and sometimes I loose control. I don't mean to, but it happens. Some subjects seem to cause me to become upset, to go over the edge. Sometimes I make bad choices that I regret later. Sometimes (even though I try my level best not to), I word things wrongly. I'm sorry.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13802
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It takes a real man to apologise.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Take some hugs Marc and an OZ guys hand in yours and we can sit and chat ok?? You are you and unique and it wouldnt be any good if ya wasnt YOU.
Some ppl make mistakes and never know it, some make them and choose to forget them, some choose to BLAME others for them and some just outright lie. But, among all those ones are the ones that KNOW they have and they do something about their errors. You are ONE of the latter Marc ok?? The Roos will be looking out for you ok??
People have a habit of changing your direction through life
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rbryce
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Likes it here |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 216
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this is why this message bourd is special.It has special people in it.Please Marc-never let people ever say you are not brave,Because you are brave.Strong too. rob
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trevor
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Really getting into it |
Registered: November 2002
Messages: 732
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Sorry it's taken me so long to get to this important post. I've been busy and stressed and tend to avoid emotional subject or tangents when I'm like that - e.g. "go check this out." I also tend to boycott spam postings, which may not be a good "universal rule."
I'm glad I finally got to reading this thread. Lenny posted some things to think about. One of those was "something good comes out of everything bad." That's REALLY hard to believe, I'm very sure you'll agree Ashley, Marc, Tim and too many others. But, people who commit rape don't usually stop with one person unless they are caught. That doesn't dull your pain in any way, I'm sure, but it's a good thing that likely fewer will share that pain.
Too, maybe some folks reading this will know they are not alone - that they can e-mail their fellow victims for a bit of support and mutual e-hugging, even if they aren't up to posting about it or are unable to report it.
Marc - thanks for the explaination and the apology. We are all so imperfect and for better or worse, the products of our childhoods and society. I guess that is just part of being human.
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