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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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pssst. It was the best analogy I coould think of in a hurry. You know what I mean though 
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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YA AND TIMMY DOESNT GET THE POINT.....rob
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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Actually I address this to all, but I do mention it to you in particular:- avoid the use of all capital letters. It is seen as shouting and is rude
- avoid combative posts such as the one above
- aviod attacking people
- avoid the use of unpleasant language (not present in that post but present in many
- continue inthe poists that are good and gentle and be welcome here
That post was entirely inappropriate to this thread, and under normal circumstances I would have deleted it since I am now watching this board closely. I have left it as a shining example of a posting style I will not tolerate.
This thread is about returning the board to the place it was, and which we all enjoyed. Combative behaviour will not do that.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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trevor
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Really getting into it |
Registered: November 2002
Messages: 732
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When reading, we can look for the positive, for something we can relate to in any post. Granted, we may not always find it, but if we read with a positive attitude, we just may.
When we disagree or are offended, I really think we should consider if voicing our opinion will be particularly constructive or helpful to others.
As much as I hate to stifle speech, if what you say is to just get your opinion out or express your feeling, but will not be particularly useful or constructive, why say it here? Why not keep a journal or something, or just realize you can be a "better" person for NOT saying the first thing that pops in your mind. I think that was smith's point.
This isn't really a "rights" thing - we all have the "right" to express our opinions, but sometimes it will be the wrong time, or we can't phrase it in a constructive way. IMHO then it is wrong to do so.
Finally, we need to realize when we post jabs or joking comments that there is a hugely diverse group here and unless they are well-phrased and very very obviously a joke, they will likely be misinterpreted by some.
I guess we need to reread our posts a couple times with the mindset of "Who will this offend" and "Am I contributing to a sense of security and brotherhood, or possibly detracting from it?"
My thoughts, anyway.
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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my recent posts were not ment to be combative and the reason for the caps were not to shout,but to get your attention!!!!! The stories,bring attention to this site..THEY ARE WELL WRITTEN! Message boards come and go.Yours is one of the best!!!
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smith
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On fire! |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 1095
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A while back, there was a topic made asking if we wrote replies and then deleted or corrected them before we hit 'post'. If we read them over before we offered them out to the world. I remember some people saying 'No', they just typed their thoughts and sent them in. But....some people, myself included, said that they read and reread their words checking for spelling and for any way that what they said might offend or cause hurt feelings. Perhaps, like Trevor said, we need to reread a couple of times asking ourselves 'who this might offend' or am I contributing or detracting from the sense of safety' of this MB? Heck, I even reread to think whether what I'm saying is too gay or too str8...hahaha !!
I really think that we begin to think of ourselves as a group of good friends who meet in a fun neighborhood bar to trade stories and to discuss life. We kinda forget that our "bar" is worldwide and an "Americanese" or any other language slang type joke might not be understood or might be taken the wrong way.
As for the common courtesy rules timmy mentioned: We were taught these simple rules in Computer lab in school.
*Never use CAPITALS ~ they mean you are shouting and no one likes to be shouted at
*Never use bad language on public MBs or e-mails unless you want the people to think that's how you talk
{{{hugs to everybody}}}
smith
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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you have my attention  I guess it's just conventional not to use caps.
We also need to think hard, each of us, about the huge effect we have on others. Words have immense power.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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I post here when I feel I have something to contribute. Some people are very good at responding to others and I try and learn from them. Sometimes when I check back and find a good reply to a post I think "why didn't I think of saying that?".
I find that reading this message board teaches me a great deal. It reminds me that we all have frustrations and problems in one form or another and therefore to be sensitive to those around me. Occasionally someone says something insensitive which makes me cringe and I learn from that too.
Sometimes it is hard to know the right thing to say. But then if we become overly obsessed about saying the "right" thing rather than simply speaking from the heart, we risk ceasing to be ourselves and, as Marc says, losing our individuality.
Those who can speak spontaneously from the heart and somehow always manage to find the right thing to say have a special gift which I greatly admire.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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It most assuredly is not suppressing or losing individuality, as I think you acknowledge.
I enjoy seeing individuals with strong opinions who display them with empathy and remain decent, gentle spoken individuals.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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dont ya just love putting itch powder in some peoples shorts?..rob
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In keeping with protocal, I will respond to the original post first.
Lately the reason I don't post is due to a lack of time. I sure do miss regular communication with many people here. You know who you are (I hope). You keep my soul filled with hope for a better world where people care about each other. You are all wonderful people.
As for the the replies, some are abslutely awsome.
I might add only that we look for things in a post like "I am feeling ...". How any of us feel is and should be given the greatest importance. How we think, should be secondary to someones feelings. If we keep that in mind while we respond, far fewer people will wind up offended.
I don't think I need to talk about a plea for help. We all here seem pretty good about that.
Each of you (even those who are only "watching") has gifts of points of view that can teach us something new and help us all to grow. So if your thinking of something, or you have a different take on a situation, let us know it!
If we take real time to consider wht someone says, we just might learn something new. I couldn't think of a better group to learn from
Much love to all of you,
Kevin
"Be excellent to each other, and, party on dudes"!
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To Timmy: If I have ever been the cause of anyone staying away or have put anyone off in any way I want to apologize. I will try my best not to commit or repeat those kinds of mistakes.
To the rest of you: If I have ever offended you personally in any way, I'm sorry. Please know that in my heart I have nothing but respect, admiration, and caring for my family here. They say we hurt the ones we love. So know that I didn't mean it to hurt or offend you.
I stand with arms open, waitng for a hug ....
Kevin
"Be excellent to each other, and, party on dudes"!
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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I second what Kevin has just said about lack of time often determining what I say and when.
I also appreciate the thoughtful answers on this thread. Perhaps some of the most salient points can be put on an auxilary page like the irregular pics?
And Rob, I have been enjoying you more lately than at first, when you made me very anxious.
Your last post wasn't one of the ones I got the point of, especially on a thread about how to get us all back on track.
Surely you're not trying to derail us again?
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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Big hugs from me, since I seem to be first in line!
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smith
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On fire! |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 1095
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{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Kevvy Hug}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
smith
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trevor
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Really getting into it |
Registered: November 2002
Messages: 732
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No Message Body
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trevor
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Really getting into it |
Registered: November 2002
Messages: 732
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Absolutely not, especially if they've just found out their bed has been short sheeted and they are homesick, to use camp analogies. Problem is, you don't know if they are homesick, or their bed is shortsheeted, etc. Especially so when we are having a serious discussion here. Grrrr!
Counselor timmy, can you make rob do 100 pushups and clean the toilets? He's being mean!
Okay, so this is what we're NOT supposed to be doing. ::frowns at self in grimy cracked camp mirror::
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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Sorry about the camp humor folks.TIME is what is needed much here.AND a lot of patience.Trev got a little hot at my humor---WHY? Sure its a serious topic and concerns the survivability of this forum.Trev and others getting angry at slight levity is one good example that we all can work on.So lets not all get mad at rob.he is just a harmless ol fart poking a bit of fun at too serious people.Not that this isnt a serious topic.Timmy is really doing a darn good job keeping this board working!!rob
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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absolutely am i not trying to sink any ships i just figured you guys were tired of my frog jokes...rob....hugs
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Re: What you missed..... 
Re: I wonder if you woudl mind, Rob, doing the following: 
Adding to Trevor's thoughts.... 
Re: you hit a valid point 
