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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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All right you asked for it......
Friends.... use you for whatever they can get out of you.
Friends.... invite you along and drive off as you walk out the door to meet them.
Friends.... drop you for the next person at the drop of a hat.
This is how it has always been for me.... if there is otherwise I have never experienced it....
Oh well, so whatever....
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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The reality is what we each make of it. This board is a tool, if you like. It allows you to do whatever you want with it. You can build and nurture friendships if that is what you want to do, or you can watch others do it, or you can interpret anything hee as you wish.
If you see cliques, then, for you, there are cliques. Maybve the way into a so-called clique is to ask if you can play.
When we were little kids no-one played with us if we asked "Will you play with me?" But we played with them if we asked "May I play with you?". Friendships happen by meeting the other person's needs, not our own. Frinedships grow with a two way exchange of all sorts of things, with the probable exception of the one-line shot.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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Saying something often does not make it true. Ask Fred Phelps.
If you really perceive this, and if no-one else perceives it, then you do look like the only one in step.
If there is a clique then it is everyone else here. And since everyone includes you, at least at the start, then it seems to me that it is you who walks away rather than the others closing ranks.
So why not take steps to join the clique you perceive rather than standing in the outside saying "no-one lets me play"? The problem is, no-one has excluded you. That means it will be really hard for you to see when they include hyou because you are included already.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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I though Seller and Yeatman had the definitive translation "Honey, your silk stocking is hanging down".
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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"Make me happy
don't leave when things are hard
not scared or nervous around them
funny and caring
plus the always important: doesn't suck too bad"
This may sound OK at first but who is the focus on?
If one focuses on one's self exclusively one is apt to get disappointed when the other fails to meet ones needs or has needs of their own that require attention.
I speak from 10 years experience in such a relationship. You can hardly retrain another's mind. I've learned to check the person out over an extended time to ascertain, as best is possible, their true motives & see their true character which will eventually evidence itself under various changeable situations & seasons. Take a couple years to get to know a person's true character before comitting longer term.
Don't naively take them at their word either, trusting they'll do what they say. Wait to see it in actions. I didn't & learned the hard way.
Let me put it more clearly:
That definition is selfish.
You can't get to know a person's complete nature quickly.
Make sure you know them completely before committing long term.
Let logic rule over emotions & present feelings, or you'll be studying at the college of hard knocks.
TeddyBear
Life's a trip * Friends help you through * Adventure on life!
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timmy wrote:
> The reality is what we each make of it. This board is a tool, if you like. It allows you to do whatever you want with it. You can build and nurture friendships if that is what you want to do, or you can watch others do it, or you can interpret anything hee as you wish.
>
> If you see cliques, then, for you, there are cliques. Maybve the way into a so-called clique is to ask if you can play.
>
> When we were little kids no-one played with us if we asked "Will you play with me?" But we played with them if we asked "May I play with you?". Friendships happen by meeting the other person's needs, not our own. Frinedships grow with a two way exchange of all sorts of things, with the probable exception of the one-line shot.
That's clear, frank, unambiguous yet unpretentious.
That's what we like about you timmy! We love your truthfulness  .
You have deep meaning in all you say yet it remains easily readable & understandable and you don't offend the sensibilities.
Thanks! Teddy.
Life's a trip * Friends help you through * Adventure on life!
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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I realy appreciate being compared to Phelps.... Thanks.... That's just what I needed to hear....
And.... What makes you think that everything has to do with this message board exclusively?
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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pimple
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Likes it here |
Location: USA
Registered: March 2006
Messages: 375
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Greetings
The six hours would be worse if you lived a 'normal' schedule. No, Simon is a work of fiction, (but the thoughts and words are not) He is about a opposite the real me as I could get.
The real me would never type a message on any board. I've had the internet since it was text based. Something happened last Friday and I decided to shake my life, and being here is one of a few changes.
I'm really not sure that I won't sneak up behind Simon with my piano wire...
Wish me luck
Regards
S.R.
Joy Peace and Tranquility
Joyceility
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pimple
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Likes it here |
Location: USA
Registered: March 2006
Messages: 375
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Marc
What can anyone say? If that is your reality, you're in a rough place. I notice that all of your post is how 'friends' treat you, now tell me how you treat them.
Simon
Joy Peace and Tranquility
Joyceility
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pimple
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Likes it here |
Location: USA
Registered: March 2006
Messages: 375
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Greetings
I don't see it as a monkey wrench at all.
This was never an attempt for a unified field theory answer, just a site survey.
As for time; you have to make choices. I gave up sleep along time ago, and now I'm giving up eating, fortunately I can type and breath!
Regards
S
Joy Peace and Tranquility
Joyceility
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pimple
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Likes it here |
Location: USA
Registered: March 2006
Messages: 375
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No Message Body
Joy Peace and Tranquility
Joyceility
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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In real life.... There are none.....
For people in general....
I try to be there when they need me.
I help when asked and also when not.
I guess I expect too much when nothing is warrented.
I always hope for the best... but time has made me always prepare for the worse.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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The comparison is between two men who insist on saying the same thing over and over and over again. Neither of these men makes the statement true by their repetition of it. Gay people are not bad, and this messagebaord does not exclude you.
"What makes you think that everything has to do with this message board exclusively?" Well the answer is that everything you have said so far either is or appears to be aimed at this messageboard.
- Is something you find here if you are on the "in" list.....Otherwise it's a nendescript existance......
- Here you are either a member of the club or you are not..... If not then there is no recourse
- It actually is quite simple.....We are talking about friendship..... You should know this because it is your thread.....The signature..... Well it means what it says.....Either one is a member of the clique or one is not.....
- You have just said exactly the wrong thing.....The fact is that this place is the same as every other place.....There are NO friends here..... Only aquaintences.....and fleeting at best...
The theme is encompassed by the word "here". You can hardly expect that I am the only person who has noticed. It is the "here" that is beginning to be more than a little offensive. The constant repetition of "here". The destructive repetition of "here".
I looked at your concept of friends driving off just after they've invited you along. I wonder if you ever asked them why they did that?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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I like you Simon. You are FUN! ;-D Teddy
Life's a trip * Friends help you through * Adventure on life!
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But I've been living with the same guy 24/7 for 7 months now withought any problems so I suppose that criteria worked fairly well for me. It might seem selfish but if you feel nervous all the time you will NEVER be able to be friends or anything else with them.
This was a beautiful e-mail to wake up to
I think I'll go back to lurking
Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?
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Andy,
I think your definition of friendship is fine -- and it's not selfish at all, provided that the feelings are mutual and work both ways. I do think Teddy was being unnecessarily critical. I know you of old, and I know you're not in the slighest bit selfish.
Please don't go back to lurking! It's lovely to have you around again.
David
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I apologize Andy. (muffled, with foot in mouth)
Don't let me run you off.
It sounds like you're doing well.
I was speaking of the principle..
A few lines doesn't tell your whole self.
I assume you are not selfish.
I was just picking at the words perhaps.
Sorry for being critical of the words you wrote.
Honestly wasn't being critcal of you.
I've hardley even seen you here before as I'm pretty new.
I'd thought to be critical of things Marc has posted, but then I used discretion (rare for me) because I don't know him well & at least two people who do say good things about him. Plus i think I've read some good posts by him in past. Anyone can have an off day, be sick or moody, though not saying ANYONE here is!! (hee hee hee. I caught myself. eating crow tastes bad & is time consuming.)
Andy please hug me & FORGIVE me PLEASE?!! :-[ Your true friend, TeddyBear! :-*
Life's a trip * Friends help you through * Adventure on life!
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pimple
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Likes it here |
Location: USA
Registered: March 2006
Messages: 375
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Marc
If I push too hard - tell me.
I did notice that honesty was not part of your matrix. I've always been adriot at hiding, but found that the only time the freindships worked was when I didn't. And that leap of faith was hard, really hard!
For me the issue is space. Head space. Even my closest friends know that arms lenght applies to everything. There have been people that couldn't accept that, and we nod when we passby.
S
Joy Peace and Tranquility
Joyceility
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Honesty is a core trait of existance.
It is not specifically attributed nor allocated to any one specific aspect of life experiences.
In other words, if it is there it is there for one and all. If not then it isn't for none and nill.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Friends, are two hearts
Singing the same song.
So if one forgets the words,
the other can remind them.
I believe in Karma....what you give is what you get returned........
Affirmation........Savage Garden
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pimple
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Likes it here |
Location: USA
Registered: March 2006
Messages: 375
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Greetings
I've heard that before; do you know where it came from?
SR
Joy Peace and Tranquility
Joyceility
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cossie
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On fire! |
Location: Exiled in North East Engl...
Registered: July 2003
Messages: 1699
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... but agreeing is against my principles!
I can't lay hands upon my copy of '1066 and all that', so I'm frustratingly unable to come up with a put-down response. Grrr!
The book is pretty well unintelligible to anyone who is not a Brit, but to any Brit with the slightest knowledge of history, it's one of the most hilarious reads imaginable. ROFLMAO just doesn't begin to describe it!
For a' that an' a' that,
It's comin' yet for a' that,
That man tae man, the worrld o'er
Shall brithers be, for a' that.
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Important Note
The Scots (originally Irish, but by now Scotch) were at this time inhabiting Ireland, having driven the Irish (Picts) out of Scotland; while the Picts (originally Scots) were now Irish (living in brackets) and vice versa. It is essential to keep these distinctions clearly in mind (and vice versa).
I can't find my copy, either, but I welshed those from a review on Amazon. Come to think of it, unless I do find it, I ought to re-order it. That book is a priceless piece of British schoolboy heritage.
A summary of the Magna Carta
1. That no one was to be put to death, save for some reason (except the Common People).
2. That everyone should be free (except the Common People).
3. That everything should be of the same weight and measure throughout the Realm (except the Common People).
4. That the Courts should be stationary, instead of following a very tiresome medieval official known as the King's Person all over the country.
5. That no person should be fined to his utter ruin (except the King's Person).
6. That the Barons should not be tried except by a special jury of other Barons who would understand.
Magna Charter was therefore the chief cause of Democracy in England, and thus a very Good Thing for everyone (except the Common People).
Plus some very silly exam questions.
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SR, I think I have posted that here befor, but not sure. I got it off a web site but its been so long I cant remember what the site was.
I believe in Karma....what you give is what you get returned........
Affirmation........Savage Garden
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...are "Down with Skool!" and the rest of the Moleworth books. Good Lord, they're even "Penguin Modern Classics" now. You will never find a more fascinating, amusing and badly spelt series of books about life at an English boarding school in the 1950s.
I have also lost my copy, so I'm going by the memories of a nine year-old schoolboy. But I enjoyed it then, and I really hope that when I find another copy it will still be everything I remember it as.
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P.S. Even now I am inclined to write "as any fule kno" instead of "as everyone knows". It's one of the more memorable mistakes from the Molesworth (or more correctly, molesworth) books. I imagine it sounds rather random if you don't know its source.
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pimple
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Likes it here |
Location: USA
Registered: March 2006
Messages: 375
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Did this sub-thread start because of my spell checker needs? If you'd like I can turn it off and you won't need to find your old copy of whatever.
Joy Peace and Tranquility
Joyceility
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And what about "Jennings and Derbyshire"? I still remember things like "helthser ticket" to prove that one didn't have any "germans".
The paradox has often been noted that the United States, founded in secularism, is now the most religiose country in Christendom, while England, with an established church headed by its constitutional monarch, is among the least. (Richard Dawkins, 2006)
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Re: Think you have me confused, there ... 
