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oh! i may get it! the list is things you'd like to do with your life!
I'm sorry you are sick & not mobile.
it's pretty obvious you want to become more outgoing & possibly more gregarious.
You've been holding back too long, simon. Do what you need to do! if you don't, you'll always regret it. You only live once! At least try it.
BTW i'm assuming it may have little to do with sexuality but this forum works for you regardless of that.
I'm going thru & reading your posts, & commenting on some...:
How long you been in a geodome? 20, 30 years? How you like it?? Do you ever get used to the odd interior angles?
You mentioned garlic & red pepper.. you ever tried DHEA? that stuff adds life too, like hot peppers! It'll kick you up a couple of notches, is availiable at walmart & costs alot less than Viagra & no prescription needed! Buy it up now, they may ban it over the counter in the USA. It's a pre-hormone.
Teddy
Life's a trip * Friends help you through * Adventure on life!
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pimple
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Likes it here |
Location: USA
Registered: March 2006
Messages: 375
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Greetings-
I said honest, so honest it is:
> 1) You're here to explore the homosexual side of you if nothing else
I suspect I'm still straight, but most of my friends were gay and gone and, if you like, my sensibility is gay: art, opera, design (but not fashion or celib worship)
> (I am here by surfing in. Wasn't looking & didn't need it. But now here I'd like to stay if I could help others. And in the process will benefit myself. I feel so strongly for any one who needs help.)
Was given the link by a gay foster son so that I could read the stories (better understand him) while I recover
> 2) You are highly intelligent, experienced & tired of where your life has come to right now.
Dead On! (not the highly...part)
> 3) You are dealing with two strongly conflicting emotions (presumably homo & heterosexuality) the attendant mental conflicts within your own mind. & the physical lusts. you aren't alone.
See above
> 4) You also feel that there is a better way of living/thinking/acting. I've yet to figure out what exactly, tho i get the idea it has to do with connecting with feelings more & loving. Am I close??
Yes, close but somehow more
> You (and I also) have also been spending much time on the computer & with this forum. Eating & sleeping suffer. We need a rested clearer head. fortunately you are retired so you can devote more time to it...
I wish I were retired - NOT! This week has been so boring
> 5) Actually i perceive that it may be thru the communicating that your therapy Is being affected (not effected, right? I need an english tutor!).
Not sure exactly, but yes
> 6) Have you been diagnose with a terminal disease? (other than the terminal condition we all share: LIFE)? Your reference to "medical/physical/mental" seems to fit with serious disease requiring changing habits or lifestyles.. Such as heart disease or similar seriousness.
Yes, but lets not go there
> I await you reply...
>
> Teddy
>
> PS How many capris did you have? Just 1 from 1972 to 1980 yellow 4 banger 4 speed. German made, and 2600.00 new. Nice car. It was named Saladin in honor of it's food source. Bought it just prior to the oil embargo.
Joy Peace and Tranquility
Joyceility
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cossie
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On fire! |
Location: Exiled in North East Engl...
Registered: July 2003
Messages: 1699
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... you think we're BORING!!!! Wash your mouth out with soap!
Seriously, though, don't underestimate the therapeutic qualities of this rather curious community. I'm not pressing you to elaborate on the medical factors mentioned in your post, but if you decide to do so it won't make the slightest difference to your welcome here.
My only (rather tired) observation is that you've ratcheted up the posting rate to the extent that folks like me - who only have the chance to visit once a day - are beginning to need matchsticks to support our eyelids ....!
For a' that an' a' that,
It's comin' yet for a' that,
That man tae man, the worrld o'er
Shall brithers be, for a' that.
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> I suspect I'm still straight, but most of my friends were gay and gone and, if you like, my sensibility is gay: art, opera, design (but not fashion or celib worship)
With all due respect, Sir, I don't think there should be a gay label put on sensibilities, interests, abilities, or aptitudes. Due to nature & nurture we each have our unique combination.
Perhaps to a stodgy, repressed, elizabethan type mindset some subjects are strictly male or female oriented, but what is gay? Happy!
I'd venture to say as in the hetero-, that homo-sexual people have widly ranging interests, talents & skills. Perhaps statistically speaking homosexual people tend to have some similarities, but probably not even as strongly as people from one race would have as opposed to another... Blah Blah Blah... I'm gettin' tired of hearing myself talk...!
Teddy...
Life's a trip * Friends help you through * Adventure on life!
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pimple
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Likes it here |
Location: USA
Registered: March 2006
Messages: 375
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That having been said, there was some other reason most of my friends were gay?
Joy Peace and Tranquility
Joyceility
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pimple
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Likes it here |
Location: USA
Registered: March 2006
Messages: 375
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Trade ya
To sleep, perchance to dream!
Heaven
If you think about it, 120 posts in 72 hours, not that high an average!
Joy Peace and Tranquility
Joyceility
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Hadn't thought about that. eyelids gettin' heavy now...
Because you were gay too? no, couldn't be. You're here for learning about gays..
I'd guess why they're dead though! AIDS?
I'm a bit ignorant from my deprived childhood... you're older than me... where were there many gays(had to erase the "Q" word) when you grew up???
San Francisco?? I dunno??  ??
Either give me a hint or I'll ponder more of your cryptic(just joking!!) posts until the bulb comes on...
Teddy 
Life's a trip * Friends help you through * Adventure on life!
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pimple
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Likes it here |
Location: USA
Registered: March 2006
Messages: 375
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Yes Teddy
Young adult friends from when I had a photo gallery, and was active in the art community. 1975-1985. Yes, they knew no reason to be careful, considered it an infringement on their rights and died because of it.
Simon
Joy Peace and Tranquility
Joyceility
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Well, mine hasn't panned out thus far. Atleast not to my knowledge. I guess however that I am making progress. I finally came to terms with being gay which was cool. The college I moved across the country too was helpful in that. I haven't really accomplished all of my goals as of yet however. One of those goals that I'm having trouble with is not keeping people at arms length. I think part of the problem I'm having with that is that I sort of keep myself at arms length as well if that makes any sense. I think I tend to be slightly "fake". That is not to say that I am completely fake, but still, I wish I didn't try and keep myself behind a facade. I think I'm beginning to cross the wall that I've constructed for myself but I still have alot of climbing to do so to speak. I think a large majority of my problems stem from hiding a large part of myself from everyone I know. I lived/live in an extremely homophobic small town. The vast majority of my friends have no idea I am gay and that includes all of my friends from high school. I believe that was the original reason I constructed my wall but I've sort of lost touch with myself as a result of that wall. I feel like in life I am basically an actor. Another problem is I tend to not give people much to go on as far as who I am. This generally results in people seeing in me whatever they wish to see and construct. The me that exists in people's heads generally doesn't resemble the me that actually exists. This has become a problem as of recently because people seem to develop crushes on me and in my mind they tend to be based on this fictitious me that exists in people's heads.
I'm not sure if I've really answered your question or even written anything that is at all coherant. I'm'a gonna' leave it be though.
David
It's always the old to lead us to the war
It's always the young to fall
Now look at all we've won with the sabre and the gun
Tell me is it worth it all
~Phil Ochs "I Aint Marching Anymore"
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pimple
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Likes it here |
Location: USA
Registered: March 2006
Messages: 375
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Gee David I'm sorry (for both of us) to hear that, I was so hoping to hear a success story. What will happen come summer break? Return to small town and old friends?
Have you read about my Goliath arm span further down this string? Nice (and yet sorry) to see that it is a not uncommon affliction.
Have you read what I said tonight about my facade? Can you find one that works for you rather than against you?
Do you have a firm image of the end result of your transformation?
Your answer is, and that's enough. Good luck
Simon
Joy Peace and Tranquility
Joyceility
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Well, since I failed out of college (well, the college I traversed the country for although I'm planning on applying for readmission) I am actually in my small (well, on the outskirts of a large city I suppose: oklahoma city) town with my old friends. It's tricky.
I haven't read the other parts of this thread yet, but I plan on doing so.
I really haven't an idea of how I would like my transformation to end. I just want it to be more real I should say.
David
It's always the old to lead us to the war
It's always the young to fall
Now look at all we've won with the sabre and the gun
Tell me is it worth it all
~Phil Ochs "I Aint Marching Anymore"
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Emeril Lagosi, his recipes aren't bad, but I cannot stand his show at all. I have never been able to watch it longer than five minutes. Now Alton Brown's show Good Eat's on the other hand...
It's always the old to lead us to the war
It's always the young to fall
Now look at all we've won with the sabre and the gun
Tell me is it worth it all
~Phil Ochs "I Aint Marching Anymore"
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Simon, Yep Heinlein, Asamov, Sturgeon, Campbell, Hamilton, etc. etc.. I have also read all of C.S. Lewis. Yep I read and I dream. Have you ever read Burrough's John Carter of Mars series? Have you ever read Have Spacesuit will Travel? The Angry Red Planet? From Out of the Silent Planet? IM shy and coutious. When I first came here and posted I was so scared. these guys made me feel like a brother a son a grandson. Well actually your not lost, your here with us, and we can always help give you directions. I know about the being lost thingy, Its scarry. Especially by yourself, but you try and pick up friends along the way who are willing to help.
I believe in Karma....what you give is what you get returned........
Affirmation........Savage Garden
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Deeej, you are smart, literate, well spoken, funny, caring, cute and if you are half of these in real like, I would give you a hug and tell you how much I like you. ;-D
I believe in Karma....what you give is what you get returned........
Affirmation........Savage Garden
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Tell me if Im right, or tell me to buzz off and go hide. Yu dont like the person you see yourself as. You feel like your attitude drives people away. Your afraid to love cause they may not love you back and you will get hurt. What people see is someone who is uncaring, unloving, bitter. While inside really you are loving, caring, and not hard hearted. Its like two different people and you want the nice person to be the one people see and meet, but its a struggle for him to climb to the surface. By coming here you are hoping to make it easier for him to come out and be able to stay out.
and you can make friends on line, it doesnt matter if you ever meet them in real life. they are the ones you can talk to about anything and they wont judge you and they will listen.
I believe in Karma....what you give is what you get returned........
Affirmation........Savage Garden
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This post is in no way meant to steal the thread, but, Bryan, have you ran across Vonnegut ? I imagine that you most likely have, but in case you haven't, you should check him out.
It's always the old to lead us to the war
It's always the young to fall
Now look at all we've won with the sabre and the gun
Tell me is it worth it all
~Phil Ochs "I Aint Marching Anymore"
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No Message Body
It's always the old to lead us to the war
It's always the young to fall
Now look at all we've won with the sabre and the gun
Tell me is it worth it all
~Phil Ochs "I Aint Marching Anymore"
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Yep I know him, and some of his writting is good, altho I found it hard to understand sometimes.
I believe in Karma....what you give is what you get returned........
Affirmation........Savage Garden
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and you're up early Brian! couldn't sleep??
Yeah, he's a nice, smart guy (so are you  ) not at all "irriatating", or "uninteresting", rather stimulating(mentally) & engaging.
>he wrote:
It is easier to talk to people online when you can measure your responses carefully; and, of course, you are anonymous. I myself would never have become a part of this community if it did not principally exist online; I would have been too frightened of being judged (as irritating, or uninteresting) on first appearances. But in fact the people round here are very non-judgemental. I'm not sure if the person I become online is really likeable or not, but it is infinitely more forthright than I ever am in person, except with my closest friends; and even with them, in real life, I stumble and um and er a lot.
Have you seen his other pics on his site?? they're good & he's a fine looking fellow! http://www.davidjoy.org/images.cgi/Winchester%20College/Joel%20Phillips/?s=0
Hey brian, how'd you like yo go to England together?? Would that be fun or what?? I've never been tho it's always 'felt' like home all my life, to greater or lesser extent..
It won't be anytime soon, but we should stay maybe a couple weeks or so & travel around!
My older bro did a month or so with a eurail train pass years ago. now he's dead, but his widow has many good memories! I should've died instead of him.. he had so much going & a cute 2 year old daughter. Me nothing much..but my selfish pursuits. :-/ (not that i want to die, but it'd have been less of a loss in some ways..)
Wow that sound morose on2nd reading! yuck!
Love y'all, TeddyBear
Life's a trip * Friends help you through * Adventure on life!
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pimple
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Likes it here |
Location: USA
Registered: March 2006
Messages: 375
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Hey Whip-
You liked C.S. Lewis? Boy, not me! Course in those days if it wasn't 'science' I wasn't really interested. In later life I gradually came to enjoy fantasy and maybe if I picked them again... now it would seem too juvenile. Have you ever read (or heard of) "The Warlock in Spite of Himself"
by Christopher Stasheff? They should make a movie of it, having read Harry Potter, and this is at least as good (but it isn't a kid's story).
Read the 4 Burrough's Tarzan books that were not ghosted, but his science fiction did not meet my science requirements. Of Heinlein, my juve favorite was "Tunnel in the Sky" and "Methuselah's Children", which was the lead in for his best book "Time Enough for Love"
Take care
S
Joy Peace and Tranquility
Joyceility
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13799
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I just want to remind you. Orientation is not an issue here. Nor is anything else.
When I started online a lifetime ago, people actually objected that I could not be gay because I was married! I found that wholly offensive.
We have all sorts of people here. Not all are as happy as they appear. The seeming happiness can be "evidence of trying", too.
Medical conditions are only important to the person with the condition. If you tell us we will strive to understand. If not we will treat it as your own business.
I think we would love to know more about fostering, but only in general. Your foster son's life is his own. He may be here already, or he may not. His call.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Well yeh, on week ends I tend to stay up late, since there is no-one here but me. I would love to go to England, I figured I mihgt do it befor college or durning a break at college.
Now Im gonna fuss......If you had died, how many people would have been affected? Dont say none....how many people down the road would have missed knowing someone special? We all, all of us interact with other people. Yes your brother left a wife and a beautiful child and a family who loved him. But they love you too. Your brother would have been sad cause he lost you. How many people would be sad, knowing you touched their lives even for a short time, and now you gone. Selfish!!! Wishing you were the one who dies is being selfish..depriving other people of your presence.
So there, guess you got told huh
I believe in Karma....what you give is what you get returned........
Affirmation........Savage Garden
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13799
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A eurorail pass is excellent. You need a good backpack and 3 friends. My son did it when he was 16 or so. They stayed in hostels and slept on trains. And had an awesome time for a month or so
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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pimple
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Likes it here |
Location: USA
Registered: March 2006
Messages: 375
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Woow Boss
Where did I go astray?
Simon
Joy Peace and Tranquility
Joyceility
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13799
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did you? I never noticed.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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pimple
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Likes it here |
Location: USA
Registered: March 2006
Messages: 375
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You made it sound as though YOU thought I had. Explain your intent if I have not. I'm asking, please, in as much detail as you will. If the electrons do not deceive, you are mad at me, and I'm clueless.
Simon
Joy Peace and Tranquility
Joyceility
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pimple
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Likes it here |
Location: USA
Registered: March 2006
Messages: 375
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David
I agree with you on both Emeril and Alton, though to my way of thinking the entire food channel is "food as TV entertainment" not "instruction" Give me Julia Child any day!
Regards
Simon
Joy Peace and Tranquility
Joyceility
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I didn't detect that.
Timmy seems so cool & laid back.
I imagine if i met him in person, he'd talk softly & slowly. He's considerate in his use of words so as not to offend, talk over another's head, be too blunt to offend, waste you time or prevent you from conversing.
He seems a cool, ultimately mellow guy that doesn't seek to put himself forth or steal the focus.
I believe he thinks more than he speaks, he listens to us more than he posts, doesn't he?
I think you're safe Simon, put down your guard, you're safe.
Teddy
Life's a trip * Friends help you through * Adventure on life!
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pimple
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Likes it here |
Location: USA
Registered: March 2006
Messages: 375
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No Message Body
Joy Peace and Tranquility
Joyceility
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Why no one there. Your mom out working or chasing guys?
Someone could teach her about the responsibilities of parenting.
Thanks for your words about if i had died instead of paul (my bro)
I'm happy to be here. that thought only crossed my mind once about my brother & the irony of me well & him sick with a family & new house, etc.
Oh, yea, suicidal i've felt countless times. it used to be once a month for many years. and that's just the worst of the depression then. man, I'm glad those days are past!! Halleluja!!
;-D
Life's a trip * Friends help you through * Adventure on life!
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13799
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same as anyone else.
What you need to look at is why you feel I am upset in some manner. I am not, but why do you feel it?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13799
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you have misinterpreted me 100%. I am not mad in any way at all. The reverse is the case. I was hoping to reassure you.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13799
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I am also as big a dickhead as the next guy, you know  but I thank you.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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pimple
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Likes it here |
Location: USA
Registered: March 2006
Messages: 375
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Greetings and thanks for clarification.
I have been rather active on your boards, I feel guilty about how active, and since the get-go I had attempted to follow the tenants of your place as strictly as possible. I really don't want to mess up, or mess up anyone here.
In my real world a restatement of the goals and ideals of a project is a subtle way of requesting a mid-course correction. And thus my startled reaction, amplified by above mentioned guilt.
Thanks again!
Simon
Joy Peace and Tranquility
Joyceility
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