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new_new_guy
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Getting started |
Registered: July 2006
Messages: 11
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I agree with you, Brian. It stroke me, too. And I told him that "experiences" are not everything. But I kinda let it go by. Because, like you say, I want to see how it goes, outside the bedroom.
I think this "experience" thing is just an idea, people hearing other people talk, sometimes boasting, about how they pass their time... Also, its curiosity... and a mental collection of fantasies, advertising, clips from movies, restlessness inside.... something like that.
I observe that as I get older, though, this thing gets less and less to my head. This notion that some huge, unbelievable, unimaginable, perfect, neverending ...something... is happening next door and I wanna have some. As time goes by, I realise what I really want and go for that (and that applies to life in general, not just sex or relationships). But, see, now I'm starting all over again!
BTW, you do sound like you're in your fifties, but I suspect this will prove to be for your benefit in life....
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cossie
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On fire! |
Location: Exiled in North East Engl...
Registered: July 2003
Messages: 1699
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On a personal level, I agree wholeheartedly with your distaste for one-night stands, though I know that there are others who think differently. I have in my time had casual, uncommitted sex, but always with friends and never when I was in a relationship with someone else. I've always taken the view that sex divorced from love, or even affection, is sterile and pointless.
It's interesting that you say that things feel 'new' to you, despite your previous experience of gay sex. I'd interpret that as a positive sign for the future; a watershed is always a good starting point from which to move in a new direction!
I'd already concluded that you were not responsible for the break-up of your 'boy's' previous relationship. What you say endorses that view; it seems pretty clear that HE was the one responsible. I'm not necessarily implying that his attraction to you was the cause of the break-up; you may simply have been a catalyst, accelerating what was already destined to happen.
On the general question of how to react if approached by someone already in a relationship, I'd say that the only sensible reaction is to make it clear from the outset that you have no intention of being a 'bit-on-the-side'. If you didn't actively encourage the approach, you are not ethically responsible if the existing relationship comes to an end, but succumbing to the approach without making your position clear is a recipe for disaster, with yourself as the prime casualty. Brian gives a sound analysis in his post above, and I share his reservations about the wish for 'experience'.
Though I say again that I may be reading the situation wrongly, the inferences I draw from all that you have said lead me to feel that you are, to some extent (possibly without any conscious intention) being used. This may not prove to be a problem, but you say in your reply to my previous post that you think you may be falling in love - in which case you are especially vulnerable. With the cynicism born of age, I think you really do need to protect yourself. Do you go to gay bars or other meeting places? If not, I'd suggest that it might be a good idea. Not only would it allow you to make new friends upon whose support you could rely if things go wrong - it's also a great setting for the classic 'litmus test'. If the two of you are alone at a table, engaged in romantic conversation, do his eyes stay with you or stray to the passing talent? If the latter, it's not necessarily a critical problem, but it would certainly be a warning to be careful!
That said, I hope things go well and that you find yourself!
For a' that an' a' that,
It's comin' yet for a' that,
That man tae man, the worrld o'er
Shall brithers be, for a' that.
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You are soooooo very right Brian, it is cheating and nothing can change that can it? A gay relationship should be just as sacred to both partners as we think it should be if they were hetrosexual, but just exactly why should that be in his thoughts at all? If all these other guys felt the way you do Brian, we would have far fewer problems no matter what the relationship was, gay or str8t.
Ken
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P.S.
I think you are a lot more mature than some of the people I know who are my age.
Ken
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Now if I were just 50 years younger Brian I would like to meet you. You have a good head on your shoulders and I dont care if you find others here who may disagree with the things you have said or not. If you go ahead with living your life the way you are telling us is your philosphy of it, you will have a lot fewer problems in my opinion. Yes, maybe this guy will be happy with all this that happens now but I wonder if everyone will be happy and for how long? I can see reasons for resentment and of course always wondering if the relationship is actually the "same for him as for me" etc.
Ken
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