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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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But there is....
He can laugh.... with all the glee he laughed with when he laughed when he was a bullying kid....
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Holy CRAP!!!!!!!!!!
Twice in a week!!!!!!!!!!
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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He was a thief, and a bully. There's no way he can do a thing. Not a single thing. Every day, with glee, he used to hurt me to acquire things from me. That's every day. Not an isolated incident, not accidental, just malicious.
Why on earth would anyone think I want him to apologise?
[Updated on: Sat, 18 October 2008 22:31]
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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I expect he can laugh.
Just sometimes bullies need to hear it. Do you seriously expect that I care what he does?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Of course you care. If you didn't you would not be putting yourself through this.
And if he wasn't about to listen to it then, what makes you think he is about to listen to you now?
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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What am I putting myself through?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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You are living in the past....
Again....
but whatever,
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Benji
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Likes it here |
Location: USA
Registered: August 2007
Messages: 297
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Still agreeing here!! Timmy, you obviously have not been able to put this behind you. And my one point re-encounter had nothing to do with the countless others. But other than kicking this guys ass, do you really expect an all out apology from him? If not, and if he doesn't where does that leave you?
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Please explain this "friendsreunited". Are you both random posters, or did he seek you out and post a specific thread to you? If the former, I'd let it die. If the latter, then you have every right to decide to post or not. IMHO, I'd probably let it die. At the risk of a thread hijack, I had similar experiences as a kid, but not by one bully in particular. I went back to my 5th class reunion, and they were still assholes, but not bullies. I didn't attend another until my 35th two years ago, and they weren't even there. The friends who I hung around with in school were there, and we have re-connected.
Scott
Cycling is the one sport where a guy can shave his legs, wear spandex and bright colors, and be accepted.
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unsui
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Likes it here |
Registered: September 2007
Messages: 338
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No Message Body
[Updated on: Fri, 24 October 2008 17:01] |
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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It's a site where you post your name and school (etc) in the hope that old friends will get back in touch. A little more formal that facebook, and not a forum like this at all.
So we both posted details there. I imagine his purpose is that old friends contact him, same as mine.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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I don't quite understand why everyone thinks I need to resolve it. The only person that has a need for resolution is the bully himself. It seems very hard for folk here to understand that the worm has turned.
It will be by email, yes. It may be that my initial probe has been sufficient, too. But as for letting him think he can still jerk my chain, if that is what he thinks, so be it.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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I fear no-one, with the probable exception of Roger, gets the point.
The point is not now, never has been, never will be, to get an apology. His apologising would mean that he has to agree that he was a thief and a vicious and sadistic bully. The chance of that happening is zero.
The point is to allow the vicious little thieving, protection racket running shit to know that at least one of the people he tormented is now big enough to hurt him.
I have no interest in knowing if the message has got through. My interest is in my end of the communication.
The more people here let me know this is the wrong thing to do the firmer is my resolve to do it. The attitude here bewilders me. If we were both still 12 years old you would all be advising me not to let the bully get away with it! Well, we are both 56. The sole difference is that I can hit him back with words that get under his skin.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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timmy wrote:
(snip)
> The attitude here bewilders me. If we were both still 12 years old you would all be advising me not to let the bully get away with it! Well, we are both 56. The sole difference is that I can hit him back with words that get under his skin.
I very much doubt that anyone here condones bullying, and I'm sure that nearly all of us of us here can (and do) offer practical steps and advice to those being bullied.
But you are *not* twelve, and are not currently being bullied by this guy. You've been carrying round with you a massive hurt, for too many years: you've got used to it. That gives it - and the bully - a continuing power over you, whether you recognise it or not.
The person that you have to convince that this guy no longer has the power to hurt you, is yourself. And you recognise that when you say "My interest is in my end of the communication". But the fact that you're doing so in a communication with the bully gives him a status, a relevance to your current life, that he doesn't deserve. And when you say "The point is to allow the vicious little thieving, protection racket running shit to know that at least one of the people he tormented is now big enough to hurt him." it suggests a conflicting desire - the desire for revenge.
It may be a good thing that this has cropped up - perhaps you'll be able to reach an accommodation with some of your personal demons.
How can we best help the adult "you" take the 12-year-old "you" on his lap, make him feel cherished, and restore his sense of self-worth?
[Updated on: Sun, 19 October 2008 10:32]
"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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I never said anything about appologizing.
I think the entire thing is a little.... well, a lot nutty....
As big as you are, you are not big enough to hurt him....
Of course your resolve is even more adamant.... You never listen to anyone, as you are always right....
If you both were still 12 years old, I would NOT be talking to you as NO... you would not be told by me to keep him from getting away with it....
I just think that this vendetta, 44 years after the fact is a bit... well more than a bit... over the top.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Don't put us all in the same basket, Timmy!
I'm far from sure I understand what's going on and I think many of the comments have been made out of a hope that you won't get hurt - going back to someone that has hurt me could easily do me more harm, I think, but I must be extremely lucky since I don't think there is anyone alive that has hurt me in any significant way.
I really don't know what I would need to do if someone had and (I had discovered where they were so) I could try to resolve something with them, even it was all to be resolved from my end.
Love,
Anthony
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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Vendetta? I wasn't thinking of killing his family or anything as exciting as all that.
Every other bully I have forgiven. This one is very different. He was a malevolent little shit.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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And he always will be....
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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Then it is about time that someone told him.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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From my perspective there is a simple process going on.
I found, quite unexpectedly, a name from my schooldays, together with the ability to contact the guy. He was a malevolent bully who picked on me unmercifully and terrorised me, using his power and strength to steal things from me on a daily basis.
He may or may not have grown up. But I wish him to learn quite simply that his behaviour at that time was wholly unacceptable.
This will not be a discussion I will have with him. This is one way communication. He is at liberty to ignore it, but there is a good probability that it will get under his skin.
There is no scope for my getting hurt, emotionally or physically. There is not going to be a meeting. There will not be a long and drawn out correspondence after I deliver my message. I may choose to discuss things with him as I woo him and gain his trust.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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How could it be "quite unexpectedly" that you found his name?
You after all were there looking for names out of your past weren't you?
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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You seem to want to make a very big thing over this, don't you.
So, to be pedantic, I went there because they emailed me to remind me that I hadn't been there for ages. I was mildly interested to see the names on the site. I clicked a link for a different school and found his name there. I had not expected to see his name. This seeing his name was unexpected. Since it had not been there the previous time I looked I was surprised to see it. While I had not forgotten about him, unsurprisingly the sight of his name reminded me about him.
So, I went there to see who was there, yes. Under such circumstances the fact that names were present was not unexpected. But, since his had not been there previously, the sight of his name was unexpected, and not altogether delightful.
I think this probably means that you must be correct. I did go there to look. And names per se were not unexpected. So doubtless I must have been expecting his name to be there. Except that it had not been there previously, so I was not expecting it. After all, he had slipped my memory until seeing the name brought it back to mind. That was unexpected.
Yes, I expect that does mean that you are right. What is all this about anyway? Why are you pursuing me with all this "You must be right because you are right as usual " stuff? What does any of this actually matter to you? Must we dissect it into minutiae? I asked for suggestions. Ok, I got them. In part it was to find out what people think. In part for amusement. In part so that others facing the same interesting circumstance could make a judgement.
I'm bored with it now.
[Updated on: Sun, 19 October 2008 22:22]
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Actually, I was bored with it from the first post....
As for "following this"....
I reply to your responses....
I will reply as long as you respond....
It is how a conversation works....
Speak, respond, then rebuttal..... and so on....
If you want me to just shut the F**K up then just say so....
Oh.... you did, didn't you....
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Purhaps you know me to well Timmy. LOL for me it would be a face to face confrontation. When I got thru he would be going to the hospital and I would be going to jail. Im willing to bet that if he has kids they, like him, are bullies in school. Im willing to bet that he is still a bully, but in a legal way, such as being a cop, banker, Lawyer something where he can lord it over others. Like I said Revenge would be my motive and yep revenge in my heart.
Timmy, you let him know that his life is not forgotten and that he was a theiving, mean, little shit and still needs his ass whipped. Dont let him or others forget what an ass wipe he was.
If you stand for Freedom, but you wont stand for war, then you dont stand for anything worth fighting for.
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Benji
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Likes it here |
Location: USA
Registered: August 2007
Messages: 297
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I really shouldn't reply here, but Marc if you were bored why continue?
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Fingolfin
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Likes it here |
Location: Slovakia
Registered: August 2008
Messages: 265
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Timmy, do whatever you think is right. We don't know what is behind this. Whatever happens make sure you're safe. Yes, we are writing because we care for you...
The more I think about it, the more obvious thing is, that this will help nothing... I'm afraid Marc is right, and, honestly, I hope (for your own sake) that he doesn't reply.
We all like you, Timmy, be careful...
Marek
It is better to switch on a small light than to curse the darkness.
- Vincent Šikula, Slovak writer
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Actually, most threads are boring.
But to answer your question....
It is impolite to not respond when in a conversation.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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67 replies
heres a suggestion(one that ive also made to an email list of youth 13-17)
I understand(this is me talking as part of this list) that conversations in topics happen and in the case of the list they were one liners which does nothing but fill the inbox with hundreds of messages which is annoying as hell
so why not maybe truncate topics to keep them lets say 40 messages max
make posts longer to get your respective says in but make it so its not impossible for a lurker/reader to catch in on a topic without having to read 67 posts which in my opinion(and im sure maybe one or two of you share it)is very annoying and takes too much time to do....
Just my 2 cents
J
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And here I thought this post was about something Timmy was wondering about. Timmy,,,,,,do whatever it is you want to do that puts a mischevious grin on your face and makes the other guy publicly look like the shit he is. IN the reunion site post exactly what he did and how he was when you knew him, then sit back and just grin.
Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you......
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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That SO works for me!
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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I will remember this....
I see it as reason to reap revenge....
And with so many that f**k with me I shall be busy for a very long time....
Thanks so much....
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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I'm a little lost about the point you are making here. It is not an instruction to you to do that which I may do, after all. You have free will and may do with it anything you wish to do.
Looking at the things I know about your life there is a great deal of revenge to be taken. Choose the battles wisely and win them.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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"Revenge, at first though sweet,
Bitter ere long back on itself recoils."
(John Milton, 'Paradise Lost')
"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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Well, yes, but he was a poet! It had to rhyme, scan, etc
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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I do choose my battles wisely....
I have already won many fron my past....
Now it is time to start a bit closer to home.... Recent if you will....
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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