I expect simple behaviours here. Friendship, and love. Any advice should be from the perspective of the person asking, not the person giving! We have had to make new membership moderated to combat the huge number of spammers who register
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
Falling in love will take care of the dream boy/girl thing. Love doesn't respect silly distinctions like that. But you also have to work out that, if a gorgeous girl and a gorgeous boy were walking towards you stark naked, on which one would your eyes rest?
The problem for me about the military is that you are under orders and if you are commanded to do something you have to do it even if you think it immoral and even if there is no good reason for doing it.
And although the military is full of blokes an awful lot of them are stupid and it is the sex organ that people have between their ears that gives the most long term satisfaction.
And those that aren't stupid are often there to prove something to themselves (such as that they aren't cowards or gay or ... ). I did find a few friends in the navy but only one of them wasn't going to university with me after we'd done with the navy.
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
Me too, always. But I fell in love with and married a very feminine and pretty girl, and it has been a successful marriage, though the sex part is sub optimal because she has the incorrect accoutrements. And she is a woman and acts and thinks and feels like one.
I told both my daughters that if they wanted a happy life they should choose a man who would be able to stay at home and help. My father was a commercial traveller for the first few years of his marriage and (for example) was away in South America for nine months of the year when my brother was born. He wasn't even around for the birth. In those days travel was by ship and it took weeks.
I do think that the armed forces would do a lot better if they followed the example of Sparta and recruited gay couples! Just think - it would have a lot of advantages!
However gay men are no more ready to fight for their corrupt politicians than any other sector of the community. So it isn't a serious suggestion.
The disadvantage of being commanded even extended to the domestic services such as the police. The best looking policemen were commanded to go and attract people in public lavatories to make indecent approaches and then prosecute them!
Location: Berkshire, UK
Registered: March 2005
Messages: 3281
Hi Dave,
Welcome to the site! Seven years is a long time to lurk -- you must have been here as long as I have. I started posting properly in 2005 although I'd been visiting the site with varying frequency since 2001/2/3. I don't post much these days but I do still visit from time to time.
I know very well the difficulty of being quiet about one's sexuality, assuming that it would turn people against me, hoping the right person would come along and yet not knowing how to make that happen. I'm still not sure I know, although at least I'm more comfortable with being the way I am than I was as a teenager. The people on this site were extremely helpful to me -- as a teenager I knew virtually no-one who admitted to being gay and it was reassuring to meet such kind and interesting people (I would have added 'normal' except that in recent years the word has picked up something of a stigma to my ears).
The UK is a better place to be gay than many -- of course, it's not a utopia, but sadly nowhere is. One thing I can say is that letting people know I'm not straight (bisexual?) has never been the problem I feared it was going to be. In every family (or almost every family) being gay is breaking the mould a bit, but decent people are able to put the individual above the expectation and doing so lets them know you better -- hopefully to improve the relationship in the long term. The reaction of everyone I have ever 'come out' to has been positive or at worst matter-of-fact. I don't know anything about your own situation but you may be pleasantly surprised if you test the waters a little.
Timmy mentioned me in the context of college and while my experiences aren't ideal I might be able to give some advice -- please let me know if you're interested. Anyway, whatever happens, I hope you have a good time on the board. There are some great people here and many are much better qualified to give advice than I am.
Thanks for your words, along with the others, it really helped me.
If you feel you can talk about your experiences, I would very much like to hear of them.
Thanks again guys,
David.
...night has brought to those who sleep, only dreams they cannot keep...
Location: Berkshire, UK
Registered: March 2005
Messages: 3281
Hi David,
Good to hear from you, and thanks for the reply. I'm about to jump into the car for a 140-mile journey (Somerset to Reading), but I thought I'd drop in a quick message to say I'm writing a longer reply which might be helpful, and I'll post it as soon as I arrive a bit later.
I don't know if my own experiences are representative of young people in general (I get the impression not these days) but there could be some points in common.
Location: Berkshire, UK
Registered: March 2005
Messages: 3281
Well, I should start by saying that I'm probably not the greatest person to give advice on this subject, as regards my sexuality I've always been pretty quiet and introverted, and at the age of 20 I was still thoroughly in the closet. I'm not in the closet now, five years later -- I'm much more comfortable with my sexuality, but I'm still also waiting for the 'dream guy' (or possibly girl) to come along unexpectedly ... and life doesn't work like that really.
I first starting posting here a lot mid-way through my first year of university (early 2005). At that point I was unable to discuss my sexuality at all in real life, even with strangers, so I entirely skipped over the LGB society even though I was curious about it. Fortunately as a substitute this board was useful -- until I got to know some of the people here I had never known anyone who was gay, and this place shattered all the stereotypes I knew.
With the help of some of the people here I did test the waters as far as the LGB society goes. I have to say I probably approached it too late -- by that time I had been at the university for a couple of years already and didn't quite fit with the new entrants, nor the existing members in my year, and my confidence wasn't great enough to force my way in -- I do have a feeling that such societies can become cliques fairly easily. That said, the most damaging thing is to expect the worst -- it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy! I would definitely recommend that if there is one, find out about it -- if you don't want to go to a social event email in advance and ask if you could meet a couple of people individually for coffee. If you subsequently decide it's not for you there's absolutely nothing lost, but there could be a lot to gain. If I could go back in time and speak to my younger self, I'd get myself to go much, much earlier than I did -- it can be total torture, but the main hurdle is getting to know a couple of people well enough to feel relaxed in their company, and then it's all downhill from there.
It's also worth going to gay events such as Pride, if there's one near you. They are a lot better if you have someone to go with. If you don't know any gay people well enough to ask, you may be able to find a girl who'd be happy to go along.
I left university a couple of years ago. I now live where I work (for an Internet hosting company), in Reading, which is not exactly a dynamic and exiting place, but there's a similar organisation here that provides support to gay people in the area -- I've seen a few of these around and they might also be worth following up. It isn't quite the same as a university LGBT society, though, in that the age groups and backgrounds are much more diverse. It's a pity I didn't realise while I was still at university what a good opportunity it could have been. Being a bit eccentric, I don't think I will ever perfectly fit into any community, but that's not a good reason not to try and make contact with as many people as possible -- hopefully sooner or later I'll come across 'the one'.
Anyway, I hope that didn't bore you stiff -- I don't know how much of that might apply to you, but please let me know if you'd like any more details, and you're welcome to email me or MSN me if you would like (spuriously@gmail.com).
Thank you for taking the time to help me. I appreciate it and found it mist helpful, certainly gave me something to think about. I also hope that if someone in the same sort of boat as you and I are reading the boards they may find it helpful too.
That is why this place is gold.
Thanks again, David.
...night has brought to those who sleep, only dreams they cannot keep...
Location: US
Registered: February 2010
Messages: 5
I just joined up myself, Dave, though this is not my first forum, and i've never kept quiet a day in my life.
But the question of what percentage of "viewers" would be "posters", and what kinds of things either encourage or hinder such conversions. I won't expand on the question here, or now, as it is your willingness to share openly with us in your introduction that I has me shouting "WhooHoo, YES!"
and to say that I am so glad I dug back in the posts that came before me, as yours is one I've been longing to see, and would have hated to miss.
So, welcome retroactively (haha, is that dorky or what?) and thank you for your candor and for demonstrating how important what we say here and how we treat each other is critical to the community that includes us all.
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