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tim
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Really getting into it |
Location: UK, West of London in Ber...
Registered: February 2002
Messages: 842
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It was a nice lunch, and the company was good. A giuy who was two years ahead fo me at school invited me to lunch. We both had a good time.
The converstaion moved oddly at one point. We were dicusing biys we had known. For some reaosn we moved to homosexuality. He move dit there. And then he declared himself to be homophobic. And I found myself back at school and being unable to speak up.
I did get as far as "No reason to fear. All gay men are is wired differently". Then I found myself being very str8. Just like at school.
Afterwards I felt slightly ashamed of not being able to stick up for who I am. But I am not out. A dilemma
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Nothing to feel ashamed about, Tim. It's always entirely up to each and every individual when and how to come out to another person. If you do it's ok...if you don't, there's no rule that says you SHOULD have.
That leaves just that awkward feeling of being a shy school-boy again, which makes you shrink in psychological size somehow, and made you feel weak. That, my friend you can and should work on. Hoilding onto your own personal power and self-confidence and esteem in the face of somebody who seems to attack it requires practice.
For some of us it takes years, and constant work at strengthening "emotional muscles" to do it. But it can be done.
What would you do or have said differently looking back on it? Analzying that and planning on how to do it differently next time will be the way forward...
Thus ends the reading of the (shrinkly) Lesson...hehehe
"Always forgive your enemies...nothing annoys them quite so much." Oscar Wilde
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tim
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Really getting into it |
Location: UK, West of London in Ber...
Registered: February 2002
Messages: 842
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I this case I woudl have changed nothing. At school he was not my equal. In life he is not mine. yet survival was important now as it was then.
Shy? Me? Never.
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Did you ask him what exactly he was phobic about homos, so to speak?
Like, in what way he feels threatened by such people?
-Lenny
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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richard lyon
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Toe is in the water |
Location: San Francisco
Registered: February 2002
Messages: 55
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No Message Body
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tim
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Really getting into it |
Location: UK, West of London in Ber...
Registered: February 2002
Messages: 842
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For example, when you are afraid you will let your guard slip and say something out of passion instead of under control; when HE is buying a very expensive lunch and you are a guest; when the whole tone fo the converstaion does not allow it.
He simply confided that he was homophobic. I think he meant that he would not shag the same gender. What he said was different.
I at least got him to start thinking by telling his that it was no big deal, being homosexual. That in my view homosexual people were wired differently, miswired, to find that their mating instinct was with the same gender. No, I did not say "our", I did say "their".
He considered it, chortled about not much procreation taking place, and we smiled on through our lunch.
I stand by my "miswired" statement. I feel mostly content to be so wired, but I do feel it to be a miswiring.
That I will start in another thread.
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Odd Lunch 
Re: Odd Lunch 
