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Darren
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Likes it here |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 190
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Hello everyone!
I just wanted to introduce myself. My name is Darren and I live in Ontario, Canada. Tim helped me immensely over the last week, or so, as I “came out” to my wife. It was something that before two weeks ago I never considered doing until I came across Tim’s site. The Chris and Nigel story along with his bio gave me the strength and idea to do so. So far, one of the best decisions I have ever made.
My wife took it well. Of course she was extremely shocked the first day. She did not even believe me at first. After disbelieve waned, she was extremely worried that I would leave her for some young gay lover. However, our love is too strong for that and I am not that type of guy (at least I don’t think so anyway). However, after many long talks and crying sessions, it started to be come “normal”, and it became apparent that we were inseparable. She started to get used to the idea too. Now, after 1½ weeks, she is comfortable calling me “gay”. My wife is very open; has a brother that is gay; and helped a good friend of mine come out of the closet. I think that is what made it go so well.
Tim invited me onto this message board and I thought I would start with a question about definitions. I know that many of you dislike “labels”, and for us talking with each other they are not necessary. However, when it comes to many str8 people, labels help in defining what we are—makes the whole process of opening up much easier.
Thus, my question is about myself. I have strong feelings for other men. This is what I think about when I jerk off. However, I am also physically attracted to my wife, and the sex is very good. In addition, there have been a few other women that have turned me on. One chick that was staying at our house once just drove me up the wall. Regardless, it is guys that do it for me most. The question is: am I “gay” or am I “bisexual”?
Please don’t answer “who F___ing cares”, as that is my answer and it is taken. This is a question my wife really wanted to know as well.
Thanks,
Darren
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trevor
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Really getting into it |
Registered: November 2002
Messages: 732
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About the labels, my take is that often sexuality is "shades of grey" on many levels - guys/gals, desire level, age, specific acts, etc.
I don't recall if it was one of the regulars here or on one of the other boards, but one guy mentioned that his sexual orientation has changed several times over the years from very gay to very str8 and back, or something like that.
I guess if you know you are somewhat attracted to both genders, you can call yourself bi, or mostly gay, or whatever works for you.
Here's why I personally don't like labels:
I think it really can be "just a phase" for younger guys (or maybe even a midlife crisis phase for some geezers?) but that doesn't make it any less real for where we are at the current point in time. So, to say "you're just going through a phase" tends minimize the importance (hmm, that's not the best wording) of actual, current, orientation. But, for people to label themselves "gay" and be locked into a subset of loveable people isn't fair either. So, you should love people rather than catagories, IMHO.
I'm pretty sure there are guys who love one guy and are otherwise not especially gay. I consider myself gay because in my heart I lust after guys and have never really lusted after any woman as far as I recall. I love my wife and keep her mostly happy in every way, but I don't really lust after her, so I don't consider myself bi.
Onlookers may see your actions rather than your feelings, so to them I might be considered 100% hetro, having never "done anything" gay. Well, assuming that when I was messing around as a pre-pubescent kid doesn't count, that is, hehe.
Take care, and again, welcome to Tim's second family.
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tim
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Really getting into it |
Location: UK, West of London in Ber...
Registered: February 2002
Messages: 842
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My own answer (now I have a PC back!) is that oyu are not gay, nor are you bisexual. You are to some degree like me. A man who loves his wife and lusts solely after HER and Males.
In my own case I fell truly in love with my wife, not in lust. Lust came later. But with males it has been erect at first sight and love, well that can come later.
I am going to suggest that your wife both reads this board and comes here in her own right under whatever name she chooses. And that she also posts her own questions for answers.
Sometimes answers are slow to appear. Sometimes people are busy. So be patient and do prod gently if you feel the need for more urgency.
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Darren
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Likes it here |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 190
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Thanks guys.
I don't think that she would be interested in particpating here, nor am I sure I want her to. It would mean that I would always need to be cautious of what I am saying. However, she has said that she would like to talk to others about who I am, and I am encouraging her to do so. She has a brother who is gay, and maybe he can help her. She is going to see him (in Germany) in a couple of days. If I find an interesting posting, I may print it out though.
Is there a way to print out an entire thread?
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educated, totally intellectual board on the net (and of course, I am totally lying, hehe). Anyway, welcome to the zoo, and please feed the animals.
My humble(lol) opinion runs along the same lines as Trevor. As a metter of fact, if you read back through old posts, you will probably find that most here feel the same way. The sex of the person you love doesn't matter, and you really cannot control who you fall in love with. Why we fall in love with a particular person has more reasons than even the vast internet can accomodate. I don't pretend to even know a few of them, because I love a man and a woman, and have for years. I know I love them for different reasons, but I don't think I love one more than the other. What about sex you say? That's the lust part, and yes, I lust after both. I generally fantasize about males, but that is this year. Last year it was definitely women. And if I see a particularly delightful creature then that person becomes a fantasy object, at least for a while. I do read and enjoy both Playboy and Freshmen, so no clue there either. Label (ugh!!!!) - people lover.
Concerning any questions your wife may have, if she wants to ask particular questions but not participate in the board, most of us can and do attach our e-mail addys to our posts and will answer all legitimate (and some semi-legitmate) queries.
So, a big welcome hug to you,
Charlie
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trevor
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Really getting into it |
Registered: November 2002
Messages: 732
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I totally agree that part of the "safety" of this board, and others, is I really don't have to worry about my wife reading my posts (sometimes about her) and being further worried. HER being further worried, that is, but me being careful about what I ask or say, too.
Besides, she has a couple friends close enough that she can talk to, and she talks to me, slowly getting a little more info as she's ready and comfortable. She is slowly getting more comfortable. PFLAG or similar might be an option at some point as well.
After 8 months of being "out" to her she still has many worries and has the good sense at this point to not ask questions she isn't able to deal with honest answers to, like "How young?" for example. I know this is a bit of the "The Truth - you can't handle the Truth!" mentality on my part, but I honestly believe it's best if she gets used to "the new me" slowly, and after I learn to understand myself a bit better as well and have rebuilt some trust.
Now to answer your question, you might want to remember that IE prints the URLS on printed pages if you want to avoid that. Also, for saving paper and/or elimating urls/names/whatever you could just cut & paste into a text or word processing document. Personally, I use Edit - Paste Special - Unformatted text A LOT to get rid of formatting, graphics, etc.
Another "con" might be that some of us are considerably "more freaky" than yourself, and you don't want your wife to know what kinda crowd you hang out with. I'm mostly joking, but I think you understand that some topics discussed here may not apply to you and cause your wife more worries?
We could always create a WOGG board - wives of gay geezers? No, strike that, women tend to have both conspiratorial and "divide and conquer" mentalities! Might spread rumors like Comsie marrying Tim or something. 
Your actual wifeage may vary.
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Darren
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Likes it here |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 190
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I like the way you put "we can't control who we fall in love with". I never thought of it that way before ... thanks
Regarding my wife, she is doing well. Really well, actually. Our sex got 10 times better after I told her so she is on clould 9 right now. Her real problem is not my sexual orientation anyway. She is from another country (Germany, where she is visiting right now), and she totally misses it. It is not something that I can do much about (right now). But, whenever she goes she comes back both happy to see her friends and family, but also miserable because she always thinks what she was missing the whole time. Then she tries to press me to go there with her, which puts strain on our marriage. It is problem that we have had from day 1 and will be with us for many yrs to come.
I guess that is life. Women don't move as easily as guys do.
Thanks ...
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tim
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Really getting into it |
Location: UK, West of London in Ber...
Registered: February 2002
Messages: 842
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Now I have not tried this, but the top message in the thread has a VIEW ALL option. Try clicking this and then printing.
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Darren
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Likes it here |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 190
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Thanks that works great!
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Re: Printing Entire Thread 
