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Dave Hewins
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Getting started |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 1
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Well this the second attemp to reply to your letter to your friend. I to had the same type of relationship that you have had and it took over twenty eight years to make contract again. His sister contacted me and I inquired about his phone number and called. We talk on two occasions for a hour each time. The fear of being reject was out the window in a flash and we were talking about old times again. He chose another path to walk and I help him aswell. The age difference in my relationship about eight years. He is in his late fortys now and thank me for the helping him choose his path in life. So if you don't try and find what the rest of the story is, you'll spend the rest of you life wondering. Being concern about your feeling I came forth, the first note I wrote was losed when register and this being important to me, I started again. Reading in the background you can see that there a lot of good fellows out there to help you if get rejected. So what do you have to loose.
Would believe be that you are the one who got me to write on the messagebroad and believe me I have a fear of public writing and just starting getting over it. This how important this Letter to you friend is. So don't put on it the shelf.
The Best to You
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rockyraccoon
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Getting started |
Location: Mexico
Registered: March 2002
Messages: 11
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I won't remain silent.. but I won't show him the letter either... I'm gonna talk to him, try to learn what his true feelings are, and once I know that, I'll act accordingly.
Like (I think it was him) Lenny said, we already have a bond, and there's no need to brake it.. even if he doesn't love me that way.
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tom
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Toe is in the water |
Location: Derby, UK
Registered: March 2002
Messages: 47
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Jeez I wish I had the kind of courage it takes to send something like that to the guy I love. I wrote to him a few weeks ago but he hasn't replied, not even to a text message saying 'have a good holiday' I sent him.
But my advice is never base an ultimatum like 'he doesn't love me' on what you alone think. Nobody in my life except the people I have told has any idea I'm gay (well, one exception- the guy I love. He once said after a phone call that he thought I was gonna tell him I was gay and fancied him, which I just shrugged off believeably). Just because I don't run to his arms and hug him and kiss him and hang out with him often doesn't mean I don't love him, it just means I'm too cautious for my own good. Maybe it's the same with the guy you love?
Is he gay, and does he know you are?
Nothin' to see here, officer.
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Seems like a good choice to me.
If you find out he doesn't love you, what will you do then?
Take care, Rocky!
-Lenny
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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trevor
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Really getting into it |
Registered: November 2002
Messages: 732
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Just some thoughts. Of course you have to do what's best for you and your situation.
First, what can you say to "Have a good holiday." Maybe "Sure, okay"? Not much to work with, easy to blow off.
Second, you may have missed an opening. Next time maybe try to use his "I thought you fancied me" to open the door wider. You could ask something fairly noncommital like "would it freak you out if a guy was hot for (or in love with) you?" just to feel out his attitude. You don't need to grab and kiss him, but you're probably going to have to take some chances if you are going to seriously persue him.
No worries - I'll bet you have another opening or can make one yourself. Good luck.
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tom
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Toe is in the water |
Location: Derby, UK
Registered: March 2002
Messages: 47
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I stand a lot to lose from making public moves
I really should text him to ask about his holiday. But he might not reply for weeks, if ever (he doesn't reply people much).
Dammit this gets infuriating sometimes.
Nothin' to see here, officer.
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Darren
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Likes it here |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 190
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It seams like a tough situation for you, but I think you need to do something. Otherwise, you may drive yourself crazy. I like Trevor's suggestions about opening the door. Given what he said to you 'I thought you would say that you fancied me ...', it was either his way of opening to you or he already knew what you were up to. It is not something that guys normally say to each other.
I know that you have been using text messages, have you tried giving him a call? Ask him how his holiday went. You may even want to say that you missed him (as a friend). You had lots of fun the last time you did .... I think that you somehow need to know if he loves you back, so that if he does not, then you can move on. Look for another guy.
You say that you have a lot to lose. You may want to tell us what exactly they are. Maybe there is a way that you can tell him in confidence that you are gay or bi. Tell him you need to get it off your chest. The danger obviously being that he may ask you the same 'do you fancy me' question again. I guess at that point, you could lie or tell the truth. Even if you lie, he may not beleive you, but you will then know if he does not approach you then he probably does not love you back. To get love you sometimes need to take some chances.
We are with you on this one.
Darren
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tim
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Really getting into it |
Location: UK, West of London in Ber...
Registered: February 2002
Messages: 842
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Tom's school is not known for pupil or staff tolerance of homosexuality, and previously people of his seniority have been beaten up and had their lives made miserable.
One can so easily say "but this is in your mind" when hearing this, but the school's isolation in a small vialge (it IS the village) and the fact that he is a boarder there and cannto change schools if this should go wrong mean he needs to be cautious.
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tom
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Toe is in the water |
Location: Derby, UK
Registered: March 2002
Messages: 47
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What Tim said is sadly true.
Nothin' to see here, officer.
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tim
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Really getting into it |
Location: UK, West of London in Ber...
Registered: February 2002
Messages: 842
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There is another risk. That of sanity.
The challenge is that love, especially unrequited love, hurts far worse than any beating or fear of beating. And I know to my cost that unrequited love has not helped me in my own life.
The risk of exposure versus the risk of findng love is a foul balance. The most likely reatcion is truly a polite refusal, but that does not make the terror just before speaking any less.
I would advise a quiet exploration of the other perosn;s attitude to gay people in general, and to how he would react if, in theory, he was approached at a party by someone who was not female who rather found him attractive. While the jump formtheory to practice is large, it is bridgeable if the declared attitide is of tolerance.
One can also fall back on the old chestnut "All boys want a blowjob", but that isn't true. Mind you, one could sdo worse than have the theoretical ocnversation "Who will be better at giving a blowjob, a boy or a girl?" and seeing where the conversation goes.
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tom
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Toe is in the water |
Location: Derby, UK
Registered: March 2002
Messages: 47
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Have you been practising that speech? It was good 
Yeah so my sanity's been going down the pan for a year or two already, and my exams will be death warrants. But at least I have my dignity. For now.
Trouble is it's the holiday. He's at home in the Isle of Man living well and having a good time. I'm at home quietly going mushy in the middle of landlocked Derbyshire. Geography never was my strong point, but that means I can't just invite him oer to the pub for a drink if I feel like it, and I couldn't even bring him home one day for fear of him meeting my grandmother. (long story, suffice it to say I can't do ANYTHING right in her eyes- She had a son and he died after 3 days in the big wide world, and as far as she cares, I could never be as good as him.) Even calling him would be dodgy. I don't want him to feel like I'm crowding him, I just want to be around him but not open the can on my feelings- that would be kicking the puppy. I guess in my heart I don't think he's ready to hear what I have to tell him yet. We'll see.
Guys, how do I get his attention without seeming like I'm an annoying little creeper who wants to be in the elite social posse? Neither of us are particularly popular, and he seems to 'have things sorted' as my friend Tim Smith from school would say.
Maybe its me? maybe its me not being in the right kind of state to handle the situation objectively and wisely. So I guess until I have the confidence to dive I won't be making any ripples.
Disclaimer: Any damage to the temporal lobes of those reading this post is purely accidental- paradoxes have a nasty habit of doing that. And my life pretty much is a paradox.
Nothin' to see here, officer.
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Rocky Raccoon,s "The Letter" 
