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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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I hope all of you who are so very good at helping kids, will take the time to write to this guy.
Send your e-mail to me and I will copy/paste & send to him without disclosing your e-mail address. This is protect myself. I don't know him- he doesn't know me - this is a random stranger E-mailing an organization (the ARA) for help.
Please, please - all of you write to him. Just send your replies to my e-mail and he will get them. He needs advice, encouragement, some friends, some role models, and support. Thanks guys.
**********
Subj: a cry for help
Date: 6/15/01 12:24:18 AM Eastern Daylight Time
Hey to everyone at the ARA,
I found you guys through a friend. She is the greatest and my best form of support, but she is going off to camp for 3 months then moving away so i am basically going to lose her.
Anyway I'm 17 and my parents are forcing me to go to a NARTH meeting in D.C. this weekend. There is no way i am going to a place where they can try to brainwash me and make me feel bad for who I am. I couldn't be responsible for my actions if i went.
I'm not sure if you aware of NARTH but my parents have spoken to the group for a few months now and have become completely brainwashed by the members. They say they are against forced change and yet they are forcing me to go to this weekend of speeches and meetings. Also this is a non-profit organization and yet it costs $500 to go.
Hmmmmm......sounds suspicious to me. Anyway I really don't know what to do my parents are definitaly convinced beyond a doubt. They believe that if i don't get changed back to "normal" that I will get AIDS and start using drugs and never be happy. They force every gay identity and stereotype on me possible. They no longer understand anything I say and I can't convince them of anything, even that I will still lead the healthy life that I deserve. I can't take this crap anymore. Everything if anything you can do would be of great appreciation even if it's just advice. I'm all ears.
Thanx
-Ryan
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tim
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Really getting into it |
Location: UK, West of London in Ber...
Registered: February 2002
Messages: 842
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I know of NARTH. What I can say is "Go, and listen, and learn, for information never hurt anyone." But having said that, I think you already know who you are. I know you will look at all advice and challenge it until you understand it, and then accept it or reject it with a good heart, and with politeness.
You parents are no worse than mine. In my day I would have been institutionalised and given ECT or maybe a lobotomy. And it would have been done with love. Try not to forget that they love you, even under extreme pressure from their desires for you to be "cured".
If you need a refuge, there are places to go. Research them before leaving home. Your parents cannot compel you to stay at home, nor to leave, nor to do anything that you do not choose to do willingly. But be careful before admitting to them that you have (if you have) sexual relationships, because in all probability either you or your partner is under legal age. And they will get one or other of you jailed.
If you need an ear my email is its_onlyme@hotmail.com so write to me, and learn who I am at http://www.iomfats.org
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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Dear Ryan,
I am a member of the ARA. I am writing on my own behalf, not as a spokesman for them. The ARA is an organization that believes in civil rights for all including gays rights.
As an individual I wanted to offer you support and someone to talk to anytime. I am sorry that your parents are (for lack of a better word) so ignorant that they buy into this crap. I don't mean to insult your parents, I'm sure they love you, but they ARE ignorant about homosexuals if they believe something as ingrained as your sexual orientation can be changed. Do they think that THEIR sexual identity can be changed with intensive therapy? Do they really believe that someone could turn them into homosexuals and that they would never again desire a heterosexual relationship? Of course not! But what they are proposing is the same thing. And these ex-gay organizations are the real freaks in my opinion.
Being gay is like being left handed or having blue eyes or being tall or short. Do you "choose" to be those things? Of course not, no more than you "chose" to be gay.
People are who they are. No one has a choice. It isn't a "lifestyle." People don't wake up one morning and think, "I'm going to be a homosexual today." In fact, if most people had a choice, given the homophobia in this country, I doubt many Americans would "choose" to be gay when they are teens. BUT - even given the homophobia in this country, I think more and more gay ADULTS who are out, would not change to straight if they could, because they are comfortable with who they are, they have friends who love them, many have life partners, and contrary to what your parents believe, they are living happy. healthy lives. I know lots of gay couples who have been in committed relationships for years. They are very happy.
Things are changing within our culture moving towards more and more enlightenment, with kids coming out at earlier and earlier ages. The media has helped effect this cultural change with TV shows and movies that portray gays in a positive light. But there is a core group of people who resist progress either based on ignorance or religion. We live in a country where even our Congress passes laws that openly discriminate against gay kids but the public - individuals, corporations. charities like the United Way, religions, and some politicians - have had enough of this bigotry and things are changing every day towards more acceptance.
Since you E-mailed the ARA I assume you have access to a computer. Going on line and talking with others from all over the world is one of the best "therapies" and resources that gay teens have to help them. Years ago, gay kids had no idea that there were other people in the world like them. They only saw the most exaggerated stereotypical gays. Now gay teens know from talking to people on line, that gay people are as diverse as straights. Most gays are as normal and boring as everyone else - even though the stereotypes used to be all exotic or flamboyant or feminine. There are gays who are like the stereotypes and that's not a bad thing at all. But there are many more who are nothing like these stereotypes - they just don't get any publicity.
Gays occupy every profession, play professional sports, and occupy leadership positions in our military and government and fortune 500 companies. These are not the people that are seen on CNN in gay PRIDE parades. These are just the everyday people who quietly live their lives, even if they are out. These are the people that your parents don't know exist - but they exist. It has been said that if every gay person in the world turned purple you would be so surprised. Gays could be your married next door neighbor with the two kids, your mailman, your doctor, your priest, your teacher, - it could be anyone. Because gays are as diverse as straights. There are good and bad people, smart and stupid, short and tall.
I assume that you have checked out some of the GLBT web sites that offer advice for teens and their parents such as PFLAG. If not, let me know and I can recommend some great ones. Have your parents read any of the advice or information on these sites or are they only interested in trying to change you rather than accept you? Do you have brothers or sisters?
Your parent's concerns for you health and your happiness are normal concerns of all parents, yet they must also consider the impact of their actions on your happiness. I am sorry that they are so single-minded that they would subject you to these quacks at NARTH.
I don't know what your home life is like. I don't know if your parents are extremely religious and this is what prompts their denial or if they are just extremely concerned for your future.
I don't know whether you came out to them (and others) or if it was discovered by accident. I don't know what your relationship is like with your parents.
But you are 17, almost legally independent. However, I know that you are not financially independent and maybe you are looking at college, and several more years of being financially dependent on your parents.
If you want to write to me you can tell me some of these things - and I can only offer my opinion and advice - I'm no expert but I have many many friends on line who are gay and straight but gay friendly - and they have tons of resources for information and they have personal experiences. Most of my own information concerns gay rights but many of my online friends are very involved with gay youth and adults who are going thru the coming out process or just the everyday tribulations of life and they offer lots of really good advice and support and friendship.
As for this weekend, is refusing to go an option? Will your parents even listen to you at this point? Are they going with you and forcing you to go? Are they sending you alone?
There are options - some drastic, some not so much and most depend on the kind of personality you have and the relationship you have with your parents.
If your parents truly love you and want you to be happy, talk to them and keep talking. If they are more concerned about the stigma of having a gay son, or their standing in the community or church, you could be beating your head into a wall, especially when their motives are guided by religion. Religion is an obstacle to acceptance, if their faith condemns homosexuals, but it doesn't have to be. Many religions are rethinking their position regarding gay Christians.
Some of the gay kids that I talk to who have religious parents have resigned themselves to lying to their parents until they are old enough to be financially independent - (after college). I don't know if this is something you are comfortable with. Most parents who are extremely religious may want to believe that you are just going thru a phase or confused, etc etc. There are tons of excuses that can be used to convince them that, yep, you've changed. You're straight as an arrow - and get them off your back.
And on the other end of the spectrum, there is the option of leaving home. That is a very extreme choice and I'd only recommend it if there is physical abuse.
I don't know what gay support resources are available to you where you live - whether there is a GSA in your school. If there is, then the teacher who helps with that group would be someone you might want to talk to.
In any case, of course, I shouldn't be trying to "fix" everything. But I am here and you can talk to me. I have asked some of my online friends to respond to your letter (To protect your privacy, I did not give anyone your E-mail address) and I will forward their comments to you as I receive them. You can respond to them if you want and I will forward to them (and again everything confidential so their identity and yours is protected.)
As for this weekend - if you are forced to go just remember, there is a whole world out there where gay people live and laugh and fall in love, and they are accepted and valued as the people they are, and are not judged because of their sexual orientation. You can get thru this, it's just 72 hours out of your entire life. Whether you choose to listen to what they are saying or whether you spend the whole time daydreaming about something that makes your happy and tune them out, or whether you sleep through the whole thing, it's just a weekend and you'll get a trip to Washington.
You seem to have a clear idea of who you are and I commend you for your strength.
I hope to hear from you soon.
Your friend,
Crzypunx
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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And this time is no different, ( fooled ya' Lance!!  ).
Anyway I won't repeat myself, what he said goes for me, but....
I would have a little fun.
If you can't talk your parents out of it at all, and all else fails......
Goof on 'em....
I mean, let's see what kind of actor you can be, by convinceing them that they are turning you around, meanwhile you're laughing like all hell behind their backs, (the people at NARTH, I mean.)
I'm sure your Parents love you. Parents will do some strange things in the name of love for their child...just ask me...I'm probably the biggest fool going. I know what you feel like, I have a sixteen yo son and many times, no matter what he says, I gotta have MY WAY.
Let your parents love you. If it means lying to them about your sexuality... DO IT. It's a white lie, at least they will feel that you love them back and they may get off your ass if they think they've done the right thing.
As for NARTH...GOOF ON 'EM...PUT ON AN ACT.
It will be laughs for you, and like Lance says...you'll get a free trip out of it!!!!
Keep us posted, we want to help you!!
Lyndie
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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I hardly ever totally disagree with Lance............... 
haha! soooooooo cute! 
