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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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Most of you don't know me or know my story...blah, blah, blah........anyway.....I have not had a relationship with my dad for....well I have not seen him for over 10 years....and had not seen him for years before that. When I did see him, when I was a kid....we had a very bad relationship. Also I have not seen or had any kind a relationship with my dad's parrents.....in almost 20 years, if not more!! Well my sister pasted a way a few months ago...so we got into contact with my dad and his parents, to let them know....well they came to the funeral...which I bitched about a few months ago on another board...they took it more as a family reunion!!...anyway!!....my dad's parents sent me an Easter Card, first card I got from them since...shit it might have been the first card ever.....they wrote in the card that they want to start knowing how I am doing and they want me to stay in contact with them, all that kinda shit. So the thing of it is ... should I? Or should I forget about them like they did me most of my life? I really don't know what to do!! Another things is....This person I know, which I just got back into contact with. She used to work at the doctors office that my dad's parents went to. She said, they really didn't talk much about my brother, sister or I.....but when they did they would always tell her....'oh well they just stopped talking to us, we don't know much about them, they never call or come over.' I just can't believe they would say that...making it look like we were the bad ones....we were just kids.....I was probably in the 5th grade the last time I saw them....they were the adults...they drove, we did not...they could have drove over to our house to see us, they could have picked up the phone and called us....but they made it sound, according to my friend, that we were the ones who are to blame for losing contact....At least my friend said the same thing...why didn't they (grandparents) call, write, etc...So at least she knew we were not the ones to blame!! I just wonder how many others they have told and think we were the bad ones for not keeping in contact with them.....grrrr........I don't know, I just don't know what to do....I just have sooo much hate built up for them.......that I don't know what I should do. So any advice you can give it sure would help. That is if you can understand what I just wrote...it probably don't make to much sense!!
Thanks,
Brad
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trevor
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Really getting into it |
Registered: November 2002
Messages: 732
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The inside joke for the rest of you is I've just been to three different boards and there is Brad with the same question on all of them! Sorry if I embarrassed you - um - you DO have excellent taste in message boards, btw! And hey, you probably will get more advice this way - glad that these people are that important to you.
Okay I'm now off to check the Vent and Yell board - the only other one I look at more than very rarely. If you're there I'll have to think up some sort of prize or something. Hope you get some good advice!
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tom
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Toe is in the water |
Location: Derby, UK
Registered: March 2002
Messages: 47
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Here's the chant:
My dad's side of the family is full of (mostly) bitchy people. When my parents divorced, they didn't hesitate to blame my mother for it and she became the black sheep of the family.
My grandmother is a VERY bitter, twisted old lady, and my mum and I live with her. Soon after my grandad died a few years back, she directed all her anger towards the rest of the family, starting arguments and fights and the suchlike. She made herself believe that they were all evil and out to ruin me.
When my dad died 2 years ago, my dad's family jumped in to comfort me and take me out for day trips and showed interest and stuff like they actually careed. After the funeral, it was like they vanished. And they didn't allow my mother to go either, claiming it was in the will that dad didn't want her to go. It wasn't. I haven't heard from them in about a year now.
My point is, with people so ready to shun you, it's difficult to know what their intentions are. Most likely, had your sister not died, they would have remained dormant. That kind of situation usually leads estranged family members to feel obligated to pass on their condolences and show some interest. Then again, they might actually be trying to get to know you. It's difficult to tell in any situation.
My advice is, if they're being genuine, go for it, at least to suss them out. If they're just shamming, play along for a while anyway to find out why. It all depends on whether YOU want to be in contact with them, not the other way round.
Nothin' to see here, officer.
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tim
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Really getting into it |
Location: UK, West of London in Ber...
Registered: February 2002
Messages: 842
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Apart from VERY GLAD TO SEE YOU HERE
I think your father's FAMILY are not the same as him, and any relationship with them should be given a chance and stand or fall on its own merits. You canlose nothing by seeing them on your own terms and making a decision based in current facts instead of prior fears.
There is also one other person to consider. The young man for whom you took pain when you visited your father, and to learn who and how he is today.
My advice, for what it is worth, is to do this thing three times. The first time to learn, the second time to consider and the third time to decide. My vote would be to be in touch with them carefully and in a friendly manner.
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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When it comes to family, it doesnt matter who did what... or who said what... or any of the hundreds of reasons people have for loosing contact.
It obviously bothers you to some degree or you wouldnt have posted your letter...
Go out, buy a bottle of reasonably good wine or some flowers and knock on their door. You might be pleasantly suprised.
Do it for them... and yourself...
Marc
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Charlie Smith
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Toe is in the water |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 46
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Yep I'd go and see them, it wont hurt you to see what they are like now, if you dont like them then you dont have to see them again. It's up to you. In the future though you may regret it and always wonder what they were like, if you dont see them.
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give them a call to say thank you for the Easter card, then see what develops. If nothing, then you have lost only a little time and the cost of a phone call. But at least you won't be wondering. And if the interest is genuine, then the opportunity to have more caring and love in your life is fantastic.
They made the first move. Now it is time to see if you are still clinging to childhood memories, or if your adult perspective has softened your feelings.
Hugs, Charlie
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Darren
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Likes it here |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 190
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The difference between family and friends is you are stuck with family, while friends you can chose. You can turn this around though, family are also the ones there for you when you need them.
I know it has not seamed like these people are been "there for you", but they have held out the olive branch. Given them another try. It is important to give them a fresh new chance though. If you treat them like dirt, there is no hope for something good. I know it can be very difficult. However, everyone diserves a fresh start.
Good luck and let us know how it goes.
Darren
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Dude - I'm getting paranoid - are you following me around? 
Re: Need your advice and/or opinion....... 
