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David B
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Getting started |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 1
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I have just registered, though have gained useful information from this site for over 6 months. I am a gay man but it was only recently that I really fully accepted this. I want to have a relationship with a younger man, (I am 40plus), one aged 18plus to about 30. I am anxious about my inexperience as a gay person, but what do people think about the idea of an older man in a loving and caring relationship with a guy 20 years or so younger? I do hope I find Mr Right assuming he is out there, but I would value the opinions of others!
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You are talking maybe a twenty year difference. It all depends on the maturity levels of both involved. I was 16 years older than my wife, but in a lot of ways we were on the same level. Age is only what you make of it. And if you are looking for a fully committed, long term relationship the only draw back is chances are your mate will have to say good bye to you before he is ready.
BTW, welcome to A Place of Safety. You will find lots of friends here.
Hugs, Charlie
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tim
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Really getting into it |
Location: UK, West of London in Ber...
Registered: February 2002
Messages: 842
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A genuine wish of "good luck". The right guy IS out there, and it is a matter of finding him in the right place.
Probably that is not the "gay scene" if you are looking for a committed and caring relationship together. People have had much success with places like Planetout (careful screening required) and other similar places.
Age diffierence in only an issue in other people's eyes.
For example, on Monday night I was in the last train home fomr London. Almost opposite me was a girl of perhaps 18/19 entwined around a man of perhaps 60/65. I judged. I thought "hooker". Or "Sugar Daddy". But I misjudged. I was seeing a genuine and mutually caring relationship between two people of enormous age difference. I dont; know what my blesisng is worth, but I smiled a blesisng to them, though I am sure they didn't notice.
The greater the age difference the greater the potential for hitherto wise people to tut. Simply be aware that love transcends age differences and transcends gender, too.
Be unconcerned about "But when I am 60 he will be...." he wil be unconcerend too, for it wil be you that he loves. Speak about it by all means, but do not let it intrude. Speaking about it is honesty, concealing worries leads to distrust.
"Inexperience as a gay person" is interesting. You see you are not. Potentially you are a gay virgin, but you also have an idea what turns you on. Th eprobability is string that wil turn another guy on too. So all you are looking at is sexual technique. And the real answer is "If it feels good, do it more".
Gentleness and fierceness togetehr, for me, is the art of sexual compatibility. For others that may differ.
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Just what we needed around here...another David! Cool!
I'm 50 and my partner (nick-named Man) turned 32 yesterday. We've been together almost 10 years. It works. For as much as you wonder why somebody could be attracted to you (I was never attracted to my own age group, etc. and so didn't believe anybody else would be either...) they will be.
It isn't the age difference that's terribly important. It's whether you match and complement each other. Man said on the phone the other night that he was the water to my fire. I completely agree. He's calm, I'm anxious. I'm curious enough for both of us, he's more content than I will probably ever be. I worry, he tells me to stop. He's one of the few people who can actually get me to stop worrying. Just a few examples, skimming the surface of a complex issue. Hope it helps...
And some will judge you harshly. I'll never forget the time we were walking down the street in Bangkok and a complete stranger stood in front of us, making us stop, and asked me where I had "rented" Man. Or the times we aren't seated in 5-star restaurants as it was assumed that Man was a rent-guy. Luckily, the discrimination in most Western countries isn't this blatant. At least I hope not.
You'll be fine. Just remember to look for potential "Mr. Right" in places you enjoy being yourself. So you're more compatable together later on.
Email me if you want to. It takes me a while sometimes, but I do answer!
"Always forgive your enemies...nothing annoys them quite so much." Oscar Wilde
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Hmmmmm, That didn't sound right..... LOL.... Well, anyway,,, I'm Marc, just turned 50 and my life partner is 34 (can pass for 18) and we both are happy and totally accepted where we live. At work we are as out as can be imagined, and every body we know or even casually come into contact with know we are a gay couple.
Experience, well that is easy, begin with caring, the rest comes naturally. Remember, when there is love and understanding between two people, when they are indeed compatible, everything else tends to fall into place.
And if others don't like it..... Well then to hell with them 
Oh, btw... Kevin (Kevy) is my loves name....
Marc
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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trevor
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Really getting into it |
Registered: November 2002
Messages: 732
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I find this subject challenging my own stereotypes/predjudices. That's a GOOD thing. But, a sincere welcome, especially since you've been "lurking" awhile!
My initial reaction, which has already been addressed well by others, is WHY are you looking for a younger partner? Initially, it seemed "shallow" to make the looks of a person a priority. I was going to say "keep your options open, don't limit your 'playing field'."
But, the more I think about it, how is this any different than saying you prefer men over women? Or blondes over brunettes? If you plan on investing time and energy, possibly a lifetime, with someone, you may as well try to find someone you find beautiful, attractive (emotionally) and compatible.
Too, I realize, there is more to "younger" than youthful appearance, there can be different life experiences, different emotional needs, etc. E.g. maybe you've never been a father or mentor and want to share your knowledge and experiences? Maybe you are a "protector and provider" type? Of course I'm guessing at "typical" life experiences as examples, which aren't necessarily your situation, just thinking aloud, here.
So, as Tim well put it, you have my blessing too, which is worth absolutely nothing.
I do wish you luck - I realized just this year (pushing 39 yo) that I am REALLY gay, but am in a solid marriage and staying that way. So, I can relate to being "new" at being "gay."
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tim
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Really getting into it |
Location: UK, West of London in Ber...
Registered: February 2002
Messages: 842
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Some of us like younger, some like older. It may be to do with need for a father figure/need to be a father figure, or it may be pure animal magnetism. The important thing is that it s not wrong. It is one of the many shades of "right".
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Gay older and younger person (18plus) relations 
It's not hard at all......... 
Welcome! I must say 
