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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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I met someone today. He was about my age or less.
He was doing a rather horrid thing at the mall.
As I walked in the door, I noticed him over by a
trash barrel, exposing himself slightly as people
walked in. It was not real obvious but I noticed.
I slowed down and kind of watched.
Remembering Adam and how he so desperately wanted
to help that kid that night, I approached him and
said, "What's up, dude?" He was embarrassed and
wouldn't look at me. "You need money?" He tried to
look angry but nodded. "For drugs?" "Nah."
I thought of what all of you had said about
how if we don't help, if we don't try...........I
asked if he was hungry. He was. I took him to the
burger place and he ate like a pig.
We didn't talk much. He didn't trust me, why should
he? I asked him if he would please go home now?
I gave him my other money and told him to please
not do this anymore. Find another way. I didn't have
any other way of helping him.
He wasn't doing it for sex. He was doing it cause he
was hungry. I don't know his name. What do we do about
these kids? I guess this is another "smith needs
help understanding the world we live in."
I know how Adam felt that night....helpless. It's like
trying to stop the leak in the dam with a kleenex.
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trevor
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Really getting into it |
Registered: November 2002
Messages: 732
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It did help - worst case temporarily, best case he might think about alternatives next time and might realize someone cares. In our "civilized" societies, there are so many charities, so much wasted food, so many people (especially at a mall with a food court) who would give him a few bucks if he told them he was hungry, almost any parent. So, it seems ludicrous and I don't understand either, but we don't know what position he's in, I suppose. MAYBE, and I'm just guessing, some sex makes him feel important, needed for awhile. I know some people like that, sex is the only thing that really makes them feel "desireable" due to low self-esteem.
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e
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On fire! |
Location: currently So Cal
Registered: May 2002
Messages: 1179
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You may have at least saved him for one more night, at most for a lifetime. Either way, you did good.
You bought him a meal and that was an excellent thing to do. But a word of caution, don't give him money. Many years ago, a friend of mine who was studying for the priesthood demonstrated to me that buying food, clothing, or other items of necessity is a far superior way to help and ensure that you are not actually assisting bad habits. We were at a major shopping center when we came across what looked like a homeless man who asked for money for food. My friend asked him if it was for drugs or alcohol and the man said no. He then offered to buy the guy a sandwich and a drink. The man declined the offer. Just as we were leaving the store, my friend pointed across the parking lot to a liquor store on the other side. I saw that man standing outside the liquor store holding a bottle to his lips. That day I learned how to help without harming. If the man had truly been hungry, he would have taken the sandwich. If we had given the money, we would have fed his habit. At least the boy you helped took the food, that's at least a good indication that the money wasn't wasted. Just be careful.
And smith, sometimes that kleenex might just hold long enough for the repair crew to arrive.
It never ceases to amaze me how one person's good thoughts, turn into good things. Adam thought some good thoughts about that boy he saw, smith received those thoughts and committed a good deed.
Think good thoughts,
e
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Michael Simon
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Toe is in the water |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 92
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I will start with the last sentence smith posted...understanding the way of the world ( or so )..
In todays society, in my point of view, many values changed, some for teh good and some for the bad. There has always been poverty caused prostitution, and always been orgotten adolescent kids.
Nowadays, sometimes these kids grow up in dysfunctional families, or had any other hmm lats call it rather unpleasant incidents. Butthey never had a person they trusted. That si one reason they are in the streets. To get help, the yhave to trust strangers, and trust the forms of social welfare. So if you never trusted anyone, how and why shoudl oyu start now.
What I think is most important with what you did is that you did not ask anything of him, but you gave him something..just liek that. That may lead that boy a little on to the path of trust and then maybe lead him to something he would call safe or a feeling of safety  ) and ask for help.
I think by giving something, especially food, you gave him trust, even if he may not realise that. ( the money post is a good one here ) )
smith you can never save teh world, but you can tr yto make it better around you, an dthat you did ) if you set yourself litte goals in what to do ) like doing what you did today, you can change it
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mihangel
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Likes it here |
Location: UK
Registered: July 2002
Messages: 192
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Feeding him was obviously the right thing to do. As for giving money, of course people are right - it's often spent on something the giver didn't intend. I've met that myself. But if you DO give money, it's an expression of trust, that it will be put to the intended use. In your case it sounds quite likely that it WAS spent later on more food. Equally important, you showed him that generosity and trust are possible in a cruel world. Whether he hoisted that in, who knows. Maybe the leak in this particular dam was too big to stop. But you used all the kleenexes you had, and nobody can do more than that.
As to understanding this leak, and the leaks in all those countless other dams, and what to do about their causes, sigh ... that's another ballgame altogether. We all need help on that.
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tim
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Really getting into it |
Location: UK, West of London in Ber...
Registered: February 2002
Messages: 842
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You, smith, made a difference. You will never know if it was a major or a minor one. We hope for major, and expect minor.
Adam made a difference. He was unable to at at the time, but his message about it allowed you to act on a great impulse.
Each of here acts in our own way, and within our own limitations. You acted outside your limitations. I am so very proud of you, and a little fearful for your perosoal safety also.
You are not one voice, but we are not yet many. And I am not in the same league as you are. I look up to you today as I did yesterday when you told me first.
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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So if you think he wasn't doing it for the sex..... Well do the math.....
He was looking for an easy way out..... Work is hard.... Sex is easy.....
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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mihangel
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Likes it here |
Location: UK
Registered: July 2002
Messages: 192
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... it seems unjustifiably cynical and uncharitable.
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Michael Simon
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Toe is in the water |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 92
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No Message Body
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tim
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Really getting into it |
Location: UK, West of London in Ber...
Registered: February 2002
Messages: 842
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Well, even if you are right, and I see no reason to doubt you, this young man learnt something yesterday. What he learnt is up to him. The lesson about human kindness was there if he chose to see it. Even if it meant he owned his own asshole that day and that was all he learnt.
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Well, what an interesting thread.
We have smith's hugely generous and brave gift to a stranger. Prompted by another generous urge half the world away.
And we also have the mean and skeptical response by Marc, however "realistic" it may be. The whole world seen in microcosm.
I'm sure the boy benefitted from smith's gifts (of himself and his food and his trust) more than he would have understood Marc's telling him to, "Get a job..."
I know which one I'd sooner model my own actions after.
Thanks smith.
"Always forgive your enemies...nothing annoys them quite so much." Oscar Wilde
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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How on earth can you say sex is easy? Have you ever been hungry? Have you ever been homeless? Have you ever been in that situation? If the answer is no then you're very lucky, if it's yes then you should know better than to say such things...Sex is easy......
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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what I did say was that if the boy had any sense of survival he would not have been wasting his time in a Mall tricking himself out. His energies would have been better off seeking a long term solution (such as a job) which produces not only a weekly pay check, but a degree of personal esteem, dignity if you will.
Although smith's actions were kind, they were by no stretch of the imagination a long term solution to the boys problems.
And lastly, it is easy to go to a street corner and turn a days wages, it is very easy.... I know......
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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No Message Body
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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No Message Body
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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It is indeed very easy to use sex as a way out......
I'm not saying it is a solution, or right, or wrong....
what I am saying is that it is easy to lay there and take it...
Sad........ yes......... but easy........
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Kindness never goes unrewarded..... What you did was a good thing to be sure....
I am just unsure as to how much of a long term affect it would have.....
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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Marc -
I understand your point of view. I have a job
this summer working at the library reading to
kids. There were lots of jobs out there. I just
wanted this one. But, you see, I'm the right type,
the right color, the right kind of student with
the right parents. I am fortunate.
It was naive what I did. I was just going on an
impulse, no hesitation involved. He may have spent
the money I gave him on drugs within 10 minutes.
All I can hope is that he didn't. I did talk to
him a little and he did not like what he was doing.
He just said, "It's all I got, man." I will never
be able to comprehend that, as will no one else here.
Thank God.
I don't think selling sex would be easy. I don't
think there would be enough drugs in the world to
make it easy. I guess I just looked at him and thought:
"There, but for the grace of God, go I." Hard to
turn away and forget eyes like that.
Maybe he could just get a job, but what if he can't
read? I'm just a kid myself and look at things from
the other side but he needed help........and for just
one day, he maybe got the right kind.
{{hugs}}
smith
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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Marc, the majority of us on this board have never been in that situation, I think myself I would rather starve than sell my arse, but never having been there I don't know, I thank my lucky stars I've not. Glad you got yourself together eventually.
Hugs Charlie.
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tim
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Really getting into it |
Location: UK, West of London in Ber...
Registered: February 2002
Messages: 842
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To live I would do anything necessary. Anything at all.
To survive I would submit to any act that appeared to ensure my survival, however degrading, however taboo.
I would
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e
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On fire! |
Location: currently So Cal
Registered: May 2002
Messages: 1179
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Survival is the name of the game. Thankfully, I have never been in that position. But I have counseled many teens, boys and girls, who have. They lived on the streets in LA and sold sex for many things including food, clothing, shelter, companionship, drugs, and money. Was it a short term solution? Well I guess that depended on how long they could keep it up (I realize that was a very bad pun, sorry). Was it easy? For some the answer was yes, for others, no. But one thing each of them knew was that the had paid a hefty emotional price. But they survived. Unfortunately there are far too many who don't. smith helped one of them. And it doesn't matter whether he fed the boy for a day or taught him to feed himself for a lifetime, any help is better than none at all. Do what you can do and know that you've done well.
Think good thoughts,
e
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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Tim-
Have we switched over from 'I'm hungry' to
'Do this or I'll kill you'? Survival: in what
sense of the word are you using it now?
I would be quiet and take it to stay alive.
That,I accept and know. I don't know if I would
before I would ask someone for help if I'm hungry.
smith
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tim
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Really getting into it |
Location: UK, West of London in Ber...
Registered: February 2002
Messages: 842
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Simple hunger? As in "Hmm I need a burger"? No.
Perpetual hunger? True survival? Desperation? Yes.
It is the degree.
Part of this degree is perception, my perception, of the real or imagined state I am in. What I may consider survivable without compromising what in unstressed times I believe to be my principles may differ, will differ, from someone else's perception.
As a paradox I believe it takes greater bravery to decide to set principles aside than to stick to them unyielding, yet I woudl also see myself as a coward for doing so.
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We should always act with loving kindness to all we encounter!
But I can tell you this young man if he wanted did have options. Granted some times taking the step out of dispair can be hard but for an adolescent or young adult in the U.S. and probable the whole of the first world, there are organizations that will not only feed but cloth,house,educate and help find job. I have found one of the hardest parts for these young people is that to do this they may have to conform to certain rules of discipline. I have a time or two been close to what one would term street kids and frankly most of them at least at first are taken with the desperodo persona they are almost required to take on, that is till one of there friends dies of an overdose or they find out that one of the people they have been sleeping with has HIV or AIDS and that they probable have it themselves.
We humans are not simple beings and we certainly don't make living in this world simple by our on volition.
For me it's "There, but for the grace of the Great Spirit" I don't live in the secound or third world where like in Rio as a street kid I don't have to run and hide from the death squads....
Sorry for being so long winded guys
People will tell you where they've gone
They'll tell you where to go
But till you get there yourself you never really know
Where some have found their paradise
Other's just come to harm
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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eRich-
Yes. That is exactly the right name. That
tough atitude to hide the fear. They fight
the rules of discipline and yet always cry
out by their actions for structure in their
lives. And they usually learn too late.
I agree...why do we make it all so difficult?
Not long winded - excellent thoughts 
smith
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Since we all have no idea what the circumstances were for that youth to be there doing what he was doing, there's nothing much we can say or recommend about him or his situation.
What we can all do is what smith did. See somebody who needed help, and deciding how he was able to do that.
Acts of loving kindness (hesed, I think Steve would call it, altho the spelling is probably wrong, in Thai it's called making a tamboon) rebound in small and large ways across the whole world, as has been pointed out already.
I hope we all continue to offer these actions of love and a helping hand, however we choose to do so, and not simply stand back and think about what might be wrong.
We can all learn from each other by discussions like this, which I appreciate a lot. Especially if what we learn is translated into direct actions like smith's, or giving to shelter programs, or volunteering with kids, or any number of other ways.
That's the most important thing.
"Always forgive your enemies...nothing annoys them quite so much." Oscar Wilde
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I know another cliche', But one that bears putting into action as often we can!
smith I don't think that we the mass of humankind need bear all the resposibility for the difficulties we face in lifes journey, sadly I believe we live in a world that exploits humankinds great potential in the narrowest possable way! So naturally, spiritually if you will, we rebel against those that would explot us for their own personal material gain.
If I may here's a poem from a Moody Blues album.
As the white eagle of the north is flies over head
and the browns,reds and golds of autumn lie in the gutter dead.
Remember then the summer birds with wings of fire,flamimg,come to witness springs new hope, born of leaves decaying.
As new life will come through death, love will come at leisure.
Love of love, love of life and giving without measure gives in return a wondrous yern, of a promise almost seen.
Live hand in hand and together we will stand on the threshold of a Dream.
I don't know if I remembered it all correctly but the gist is there I hope.
People will tell you where they've gone
They'll tell you where to go
But till you get there yourself you never really know
Where some have found their paradise
Other's just come to harm
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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is never wrong..... As inteligent individuals living in a busy world it is ever a rare thing to see true acts of kindness. It is after all very easy to (just turn away and keep walking) so our complicated lives are not further complicated with a strangers problems.....
And it takes a brave person to reach out (knowing his hand might be bitten off) to someone in need.
But truely, how does one small kindness make an impact on one lost soul.
It is a romantic notion to think that a few kind words will dramatically change this boys life.
In reading these threads I am reminded of the Dickens story "Oliver Twist".... ergo, one lost waif, taken in by group of social degenerates, saved by one of his victims and brought out of his unsavory environs to live in safety....
It is a beautiful notion... but a true rarity in our modern world.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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tim
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Really getting into it |
Location: UK, West of London in Ber...
Registered: February 2002
Messages: 842
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No Message Body
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trevor
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Really getting into it |
Registered: November 2002
Messages: 732
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what if several people gave the one lost soul a small kindness? What if he was just temporarily or recently "lost", or looking for a sign to change his life?
Optimistic, I know, but I can't stand to see a constructive, generous gesture that requires character and kindness to be second-guessed.
Also, I'm so sorry if you've been a lost soul yourself, Marc, and especially so if this is causing you to relive any nightmares.
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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I wish I thought for one moment I had changed
anything. I didn't. The only words I spoke were
words of sympathy. I didn't try to change him,
preach to him, or even assist him other than let
him eat. My last words were simply,"Take care,man."
I left it at that; him to his world and me to mine.
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And smith, that's exactly what was sooo terrific about what you did. It was generous. It didn't require anything in return, and had no strings attached. It didn't need to be dramatic, and had no unrealistic expectations.
It was simply a loving and respectful and honest gift from your heart.
Whatever additional good it did isn't the point. It was good in and of itself, standing on its own merits.
The only other options we have in life are to do nothing or do something bad.
Whatever small odds there may be of the good thing making any more difference than it did in that moment are totally beside the point, Marc.
"Always forgive your enemies...nothing annoys them quite so much." Oscar Wilde
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Ahhh.... But you did change something. In that one simple act of kindness you made him aware that there are people (however few) willing to try and feel for anothers plight.
He knows now that you might come by again and he will think about you every time he passes that spot. He will remember that at least one stranger didn't take advantage of him. He now knows there is something better in the world.....
Words of sympathy.... I think perhaps sympathy is the wrong word here.... perhaps understanding.... better yet, caring....
But know that whatever words you spoke, thay were said in true kindness and without any pressure to the boy.... He will remember you and perhaps one day as a friend....
Lastly.... His world and yours are one in the same.... as is for all of us.... It takes so very little to make this a better place for us all....
You did well.... better than most to be sure....
Oh, and one thing I would like to know.... At any time when you were with the boy did you see him smile???? Even just a little....
Oh, and David, perhaps I am not as cynical as you thought.... Sometimes though, I like to provoke thought....
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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Marc-
He did smile. I kept talking about really nothing
to try to make him talk. I draw Japanese manga
characters and asked him if he liked it. He did
smile and tell me that was way kewl. His eyes
lit up for a second then shut back down. He is in
there, just buried really deep. I gave him the
drawing I had in my pocket.....along with my money.
He hesitated and then told me "Thanks,man." All
we can do is hope that in his part of this world,
he can find a reason2shine.
smith
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Michael Simon
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Toe is in the water |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 92
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well in my opinion that is THE reason...shine
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AdamAnt
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Toe is in the water |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 74
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WAY 2 GO SMITH !!
I just wish I had done something that first night.
Anyway, Sorry I havnt been posting lately, I been flat out with school and hanging with my lil buddies from school =).
Good news too, I am going to see a Musical "Oliver" next month with another BL my age from sydney. His lil buddy is the lead role, so we are going as a cheerleading squad. HAHAHAH...
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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You DID do something that first night. You made
everyone think. If not for you, I might have
walked on by. You helped me help him just as
surely as if you were there. Thank you......
smith
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Thanks, smith. 
Way to go smith 
I will never learn these smileys 
nonetheless 
