|
|
tim
|
 |
Really getting into it |
Location: UK, West of London in Ber...
Registered: February 2002
Messages: 842
|
|
|
Over him, I mean.
Today is the 50th birthday of the "boy" I loved more than life itself, of the boy I adored since September 1965. Over the years he has been a source of huge sorrow and huge feelings of comfort. And he never knew of either.
This picture is on my site, on the index to the stories page. It is, I think, a picture showing his beauty. At least today I can look at it and say "To me, John, you are beautiful." But I am no longer under his thrall. He has no power over me. I no longer love him. I am no longer obsessed.
Sure, there are a few flashbacks, but for the past six and a half weeks I have not even imagined what it would be like, have been like, if he had loved me.
I don't know what has allowed me to come at long last to terms with a lifetime of unrequited love. It conicides with, but has not been caused nor catalysed by my seeing a psycho-sexual psychologist. We had not even got that far, the counsellor and I. He is as surprised as I am that John is now "someone I used to know".
I am not yet able to be angry with J. I should be. He is not, and never has been, a pleasant person, and never was the friend I believed him to be. He was self centred and selfish as a boy (a thing I always knew in my heart). And yet he never treated me badly, perhaps until I became an embarrassment.
-
Attachment: john2.jpg
(Size: 5.61KB, Downloaded 373 times)
[Updated on: Wed, 17 September 2003 17:56] by Moderator |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Guest
|
 |
On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
|
|
|
I never cease to be impressed by the love you have to give. It doesn't surprise me that someone of your depth and compassion would find it hard to walk away from someone who meant so much to you in the past.
I hope these things work out, and know that you have many friends here who wish the best for you.
I hope that doesn't sound trite or superficial. You are a special person to many of us.
Love,
"Feangol".
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I was about to reply to Tim's message; but then I saw that Feangol had already left one, so I decided to read his first.
Now, after reading his, I really don't need to leave one of my own, because Feangol has already said it all.
Tim, may you, at long last, find the happiness and peace you so richly deserve (and that you, through your good works, have made it possible for so many others to find for themselves).
HUGE HUGS!
Ron
We do not remember days...we remember moments.
Cesare Pavese
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Tim,
I hope that one day you will successfully fight this ghost of the past. Let him go and you´ll be open again for the world. In fact it´s time to.
Your friend
Jasper
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Guest
|
|
On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
|
|
|
Tim,
Unrequited love - so painfull yet I believe it changes oneself, not necessarily destructive - but human and caring. I'm reminded of "Death in Venice" bringing to mind a school friend of mine who died (we where both 12) thereby Mahlers No 5 Symphony affects me deeply. You have become a special person yourself Tim and much appreciated by a wide audience.
Bask in that love and affection.
Warmest regards,
Adrian.
PS.
Sorry this has been posted late - first time on this board.
|
|
|
|
|
Goto Forum:
|
] 
A Place of Safety
Search
Help
Register
Login
Home
I think I am over it 
