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tim
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Really getting into it |
Location: UK, West of London in Ber...
Registered: February 2002
Messages: 842
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"I want to tell someone something important. The problem is I am not sure he will listen to me, but I know he will hear my words. What I have to say to him is something I believe deep in my heart he needs to hear, something I know he needs to pay attention to, and something I fear he may take badly."
Does that sound familiar?
I am a true friend so I feel bound to tell the person, but I am scared, too, that I might offend him and even make him push me away.
Now, the challenge is how do I do it. No, that isnlt the challenge at all. The challenge is how I wil feel once I tell him, and how I wil feel waiitng for his reply if any, and how I will feel if his reply seems to push me away.
What do I do, guys? I cannot just stand by and say nothing. That option is a non starter. So what do I do? How should I feel? It's a theoretical problem and also a real one.
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tim - the canuck
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Getting started |
Location: Canada
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 14
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Tim;
I think you should tell your friend, but be careful how you word your tale. If he is a true friend he will take what you are saying in the spirit that it is given.
If the problem is as serious as it sounds then I would guess you will have some fear of rejection, but you need to get across to him that you are trying to help him and your are very good friends.
It is a scary moment, cause you don't know how ppl will take Criticism - there maybe a bit of anger, but if he knows a good friend when he sees it, then he will accept it
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e
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On fire! |
Location: currently So Cal
Registered: May 2002
Messages: 1179
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If you must tell him, then you must tell him. That part is settled. If the challenge is not how to tell him, then it sounds like you already know what to say and how to say it so that he will understand. It will then be you to him as to what he does and how he feels about what you've told him.
It also sounds like you are more worried about your feelings than his. This may sound selfish, but isn't necessarily. There are times when you should be more worried about your own feelings than those of someone else. This could very well be one of those times.
No one can tell you how you should feel, not even you, though you may know how telling him will make you feel even before you've told him. But in the end you will simply feel the way you feel. You may feel good that you did the right thing. You may feel bad that you've lost (or think you've lost) a friend. You may feel both and/or some other things as well. Regradless, you have friends here (and I'm certain at home) who you can rely on for support to help you deal with whatever feelings you do experience.
I hope I made sense.
Think good thoughts,
e
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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It's funny about people. We can watch our
closest friend or our loved one hurting
themselves for so many reasons: drinking,
drugs, needing to lose weight, needing to
try to make good grades, needing to get their
priorities and their head straight, etc...
but until they want to, until that little
buzzer goes off in their head, it is all
almost wasted breath.They even resent the
mere mention of the problem because it seems
impossible to fix.
I recently tried to help a friend with one of
the above and found myself pushed away. The
saddest part is when they KNOW there is a huge
problem and they don't even know where to begin
to straighten it out. At least, he knows that
when and if he calls me, I'll be here for him.
Someone wise told me: "Think...THEN act. And
act with caution, reserve and focus." Otherwise,
you're just spitting in the wind. Think it
through, then do what you feel is right.
smith
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trevor
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Really getting into it |
Registered: November 2002
Messages: 732
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I know that people - individuals are important to you, as are friendships. It sounds important. It may give you courage to know that it's more important to tell him than to maintain a friendship. Some people never hear things that they need to out of politeness or friendship.
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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It is true that honesty may anger your friend at first but the truth will shine through and your friendship will be all the stronger for it.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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AdamAnt
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Toe is in the water |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 74
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If it was me, I would tell my friend straight out...Dont beat around the bush.
Just sit them down and tell them you wanna chat to them about something, and they got to promise not to interupt or ignore what i say.
If it was me recieving the talk, then i would shut up and listen, Everybody has a right to be heard =).
Thats just me though, I am probably wrong,,,
Adam
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Not sure if anyone's suggested this before, but this is how I might do it...
First, tell him there's something important I need to tell, and say I'm uncertain how he'd interpret it and all that. I would emphasise I don't mean any harm, quite the opposite.
Then I would ask if he's ready to hear something like that. If he trusts me enough to believe I'm sincere and have his best interest in mind. If I got a positive reply, then I'd go ahead and tell.
-Lenny
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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No Message Body
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tim
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Really getting into it |
Location: UK, West of London in Ber...
Registered: February 2002
Messages: 842
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If they reject the information, so be it. If they accept it, so be it. But they will think.
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I want to tell someone something important 
