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tim...of usa
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Likes it here |
Location: buffalo, new york...USA
Registered: July 2002
Messages: 266
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to matt:
dear matt a friend of mine brought you rushing back into my mind and i feel totally compled to sit down and let you know how i truly feel about you.
i know it was a long time ago that you made your choice to move on to a better place, a place of peace. at first i was hurt and angry as hell for what you did, not to your self but what you did to me. but now as the years have slipped by and i have grown into a man i know that you took that step in to the light to escape the pain, i too know that pain and i now can honestly say i am sorry that i did not help carry your pain and help you feel more at peace with your self in this life. i will forever question my self and wonder if, if a million times over..if i did this ... or if i had done that. (lol...for a 2 letter word "if" hold a ton of weight).
well more to the point my friend, i know that i never said this to you face to face but i loved you with all my heart and soul and to this day you are and always will be my one true love. even today i hold every one that comes in to that specail place in my life up to you goast to se if they mesure up.. none do, some come close but none ever do, and none ever will.
i now know that i have spent years in love with what could have been, its time to move on.
i was at your grave this morning and left you a gift, you'll know it when you see it, its long over due but it is yours now.
with all my love
tim
NOTE TO READERS: i read tim's story "the misfit" a few weeks back and it brought back my first love into my life. he killed himself when we were both young boys and discovering ourselfs in this mad mad world, that was my motivation for writing this note to matt my first love. i guess this is sort of my way of letting go and moving on.
you need not make commenet on this its just some thing i had to get out of my system
thanks for reading
and THANK YOU tim, your story as unhappy is it may be gave me back a bit of my life
later floks
tim
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And I was going to whine about being bored, how can I do that now, it feels so petty... 
I feel a tremendous amount of respect for you, for writing this post, and I also feel very privileged to have taken part in it. Thank you so much, thank you.
Now I will ponder what you have shared with us over a nice cup of tea or two, try to come to terms with it...
Sincerely, and with many warm hugs:
-Lenny
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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But when you do you open up for yourself a world filled with love. Hold dear the memories and cherish the image you see when you close your eyes... they will always be with you, but look forward to moving on...
I did.... and I'll never go back....
Marc
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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Tears welled in my eyes when I read your letter
to Matt. The past can be painful, bitter, and
full of regrets and ifs....
BUT, when you can begin to put it behind you,
keeping only the sweet memories, the joy you
found together, then you can smile and find
the happiness he would definitely have wanted
for you.
What a brave post......
smith
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tim...of usa
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Likes it here |
Location: buffalo, new york...USA
Registered: July 2002
Messages: 266
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lol....bordom is not a bad thing....some times i wish and prsy to be bored and let my mind be at peace...but alas we are but mere humans......
tim
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tim...of usa
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Likes it here |
Location: buffalo, new york...USA
Registered: July 2002
Messages: 266
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love is a thing that i have found my life is in desoert need of ....that is my reason for being here...tim in his stories has shone more love than i thought one human being could hold in his heart.... it is time to move on ...thanks
tim
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tim...of usa
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Likes it here |
Location: buffalo, new york...USA
Registered: July 2002
Messages: 266
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to all those who have read my note to matt:
its been a long long time since i have visited my feelings about him...truth be told those feelings scare the living shit out of me...i have become comfortable not feeling at all and 'TIM' brought a part of me back to life....bless him and curse him in the same breath.
it is said that time heals all wounds well i guess it is my time.
with your help and support i hope to heal my wounds.
with love and respect
tim...of the USA
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tim...of usa
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Likes it here |
Location: buffalo, new york...USA
Registered: July 2002
Messages: 266
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matt
all i have to say is
THANK YOU
i have read all the past postings from the day yo became part of this forum and i wish i was half the man you are.
your 15 year old words are the words that matt would ahve spoken if he had chosen to be here.
THANK YOU again
tim
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e
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On fire! |
Location: currently So Cal
Registered: May 2002
Messages: 1179
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You will always have our love and support. That was a beautiful letter. Time does indeed heal all wounds, but only if you allow them to be healed. You sound ready to allow it. Good for you.
Think good thoughts,
e
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Hey Tim, let me begin by saying welcome (a little late I know but better late then never...right mate?!?  )).
Your note is very emotional and is to be read with both the heart and eyes - thanke you for sharing your feelings with us. Time might not heal all wounds but love fills the heart so that the wounds have no more place, your love is genuine and true, hold on to it and savor it that is the meaning of life.
I'd like to share with you a bit from a song named "stronger then the wind" (I'll have to translate it so forgive me if it doesn't rhyme, the words are the important part):
"Suddenly one day he arrived/Like a god who rose from the sea,
All her powers she gave him/ Her heart woke up from far away.
But her beloved like the water/ Touched the shores and returned
Now love she knows / A pain that does not end.
Out of broken worlds she grows\
Whole nights she weaves all that will happen to her..."
It just feels appropriate to me.
A big hug, Gil
Searching for the light at the end of the bed...
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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I keep coming back to your answer and reading
it again and again. Your words are helping me
too. Thank you ~ smith
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tim...of usa
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Likes it here |
Location: buffalo, new york...USA
Registered: July 2002
Messages: 266
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hugs back to you gil...and thanks for the welcome
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tim
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Really getting into it |
Location: UK, West of London in Ber...
Registered: February 2002
Messages: 842
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I had hoped it would counter a bully, or make someone think. I had not expected it to help a person who had lost someone to heal.
I am holding you and Matt in my arms now. He can hear when you talk to him. I don't know how I know, but I know.
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