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tim
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Really getting into it |
Location: UK, West of London in Ber...
Registered: February 2002
Messages: 842
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"No-one should be allowed to give any help or advice on the internet unless they are a trained psychologist or psychitrist. This is not a game, it is about real lives."
He went on to say that "I would be angry if any of my (so far unborn) children were talking to people on the net to ask for and receive advice. This includes telling a boy who does not know how to masturbate to visit http://www.jackinworld.com/"
If I have misrepresented him in any way I know he has the good sense to correct my paraphrased quotations above. I have sought to represent his views accurately and impartially. I may have failed to do so.
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trevor
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Really getting into it |
Registered: November 2002
Messages: 732
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Many mixed feelings on this, I'll try to summarize.
How is "on the net" relevant? People give each other advice all the time, solicited or not. I guess a partial answer might be: The giver is a stranger and you don't know his motivation/"agenda".
We DO need to teach kids that just because it's on the 'net doesn't make it factual, that they must think for themselves and take any advice into context. One good thing about the net, and especially a forum like this (as opposed to an e-mail, for example) is there is a relatively wide variety of opinions. Not as true on all forums, I suppose.
I do think, too, that if we make our kids comfortable asking us questions and be willing to discuss awkward issues, there will be less need for them to look for answers elsewhere. Maybe, too, that will be an example for them when/if they become parents. I consider my parents a total failure in this regard.
I have mixed feelings about teaching kids how to HAVE sex, even by themselves. I think there is some value in self-discovery, that innocense should not be "taken away." Finding the websites themselves is a form of self-discovery. Of course practical safety and protection issues are important to discuss with kids. I do think if they are ASKING, verbally or non-verbally, sites like jackinworld can be a resource. Maybe that's what you meant? I just wouldn't send a kid there until he "needs" it.
I DO think most kids today are more "worldly"/"street smart", etc that my generation, however. They hear about crimes on the news that I never heard as a kid, they have personal safety and aids education in school, they get porn spam in their e-mail, etc. Perhaps less ignorant of "adult" issues is a better term?
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e
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On fire! |
Location: currently So Cal
Registered: May 2002
Messages: 1179
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When I was a teen and trying to figure out how to masturbate, I was shown by a friend. What I learned about having sex, I learned from from friends, Playboy, Penthouse, and Hustler. My school taught sex ed, but it was such a dry course I still didn't really know how to have intercourse after taking it. The only advice I got from family was my grandmother telling me that I needed to watch myself around girls because they would try and get me to do things so they could trap me into marrying them. My parents, mother or father, NEVER SAID A WORD. Even when my mom nearly caught my friend and I (she knew what was going on), she only told me that I shouldn't be doing that with other boys.
The point is, I found out using whatever means I had at my disposal. The reason I had to use those means is because my parents didn't have the courage to talk to me about it. If the net had existed back then I would most certainly have used it. If you don't want your kids learning from sources you don't approve of, THEN BE A REAL PARENT AND TALK TO THEM! If they know they can come to you, they will. It may not prevent them from finding those other sources anyway, but at least they will have heard it from their parents.
Many people ask for advice from friends, family, coworkers, barbers, and bartenders. Nearly everyone is willing to give it. The person asking needs to consider the source when deciding what to do with the advice received. And there are a lot more bad therapists out there than there are good ones.
Think good thoughts,
e
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smith
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On fire! |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 1095
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Yes,all of you have wisdom way beyond my 15 year scope of
the world.Yes,I have asked,and received thoughts,opinions,
and advice. I will ask again. I always listen carefully to
what you say, take it to heart and then make up my own mind.
Teens live in a world full of frightening things. I am
starting school again and going down deep inside myself
one more time. It is a warm, comforting feeling to know
that I can come here and tell you things that happen, ask
if I did the right thing and know that you will answer me
honestly.
No, in extreme cases of a person talking suicide or self-
multilation,etc.This could be an attempt to get attention
but it could also be a cry for help, a last ditch cry. I
don't think any of you would ever make that decision. My
rather simple problems were always met with "a therapist
could help you sort these feelings out", so I know that
more extreme problems would be handled much differently
than mine. I just always find it heartbreaking that no
one in this person's 'real' life can see the pain.
There are different levels of help needed...advice asked
for. I have read wonderful comments from so many of you,
always positive, always concerned. It's difficult enough
to just live in this world today, much less be different
in any way.
Perhaps people who would be angry if they found that their child was looking for answers on the internet should ask themselves why their child hasn't asked them. Kids today
are really computer/street savvy. We will find whatever
we need. It would just be great if we could find it in
places of safety 
I went and looked at that site....jackinworld....the info
is written on about a 5th grade level, even to the point
of pronunciation (e-jack-u-lay-shun). It's much clearer
than that awful health film I saw in elementary school that scared the pee out of me along with the stern glare of the health teacher pronouncing that the best thing to do was
"Never Touch IT". When the film was over and the lights
came on, everyone was afraid to look down...
Sorry for the long ramble, but Tim's post struck a nerve.
I wouldn't trade being able to come here and read what
is being discussed and sometimes even saying something
myself. I know this is a unique MB and I'm very grateful
for that. Thank you, Tim.
smith
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Michael Simon
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Toe is in the water |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 92
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I thik to some extent he is right. Sometimes it seems so easy to help, but maybe we are wrong...
On teh one hand I think, it does not matter whether we are web based in a conversation or not because there si a real person on the other side of the conversation, you just cannot see him. So this side would be treated as seeking advise with co-workers and friends.
On teh other side however it is not to forget that ppl can play games with others, an dnot trained ppl can make fatal mistakes. So I think if ppl play shrink here, they shoudl be really careful, cause it is a dangerous game.
But in my opinion one can never realyl find a suitable answer, even though I personally think that there is some danger in the web.
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Perhaps this requires another thread but here goes. One question comes to mind. Where exactly is the line between expressing an opinion, and giving advice?
Furthermore, in many cases, the views of people on this message board seem to be well thought out and honest. These are viewpoints that mainstream society does not ar cannot express in the public view. This has a benefit to many who search for answers to very personal questions. Even those that do not participate, can gain a perspective denied them by 'straigt' society.
These people (my friends, if I may be so bold as to assume), may not be professional therapists. But I believe they are wise, compassionate, and caring people who help those they have never met, time and time again.
If this advice helps one person, it is worth it. I know the argument that people could be lead down the wrong road. I have not seen any indication that anyone has had anything but the interest of others at heart.
You do not need a degree in psycology to be right or to help!!!!
"Be excellent to each other, and, party on dudes"!
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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i am some what new to this MB and i would not change a thing here ever.
to think that some one has to go to school for many years to give advice is a bit silly in my book. my grand father was w welth of advice and ideas on life, some good some not so good , but i never thought to myself that he had no clue because he never finished grade school. i am sure that most of us at one time or another sat down with a uncle older brother grand father or even our fathers and listened to what they had to say about one thing or another, keeping that in mind does that mean that all they had to say was worthless because they did not have a degree?????
just my humble opinion on the subject
oh and as a note: i have gotten more out of the exchanges here than a lot o sessions with "perfessionals" for what thats worth.
peace
tim...of USA
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Each and every one of us has benefitted in one way or another from this and other message boards.
Tim's friend/associate/whatever obviously has no idea as to what goes on here. We don't go out trolling for young naive kids and try to fill their heads with a plethora of wrongly perverse information. What we do do is try and rectify some of the mistakes our parents, our schools, our churches, even ourselves have made with reguard to our up-bringing.
In doing this we sometimes cross paths with someone in the same position as we were then so we tend to lend advice where it is needed.
A good analagy would be a young tribe member going to the village elder to tap on his vast experiences to better understand the world he lives in.
We live in a rather unique world, and being gay brings with it rather unique questions and problems. Most times, if a questioning or gay youth asks a delicate question in the mainstreem of his circle of aquaintences he is faced with ridicule and possibly even physical danger.
Due to the inherent anonymity of the iinternet (with minimal precaution) a young person can not only be himself, but be free to ask the questions we all were afraid to ask as kids.
The only problem I could come up with (and I thought long and hard about this) was whether or not the information given is the correct information.
Here, I have to believe it is correctly presented. The links on this site are for the most part informative and helpful. The threads of conversation are diversely opinioned enough to give a seed of opinion to the most naive questioner.
This is of course just my opinion,
Marc
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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mt
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Toe is in the water |
Registered: November 2002
Messages: 93
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Well said, all of you guys, I agree totally with what Trevor, e and Marc said. Does “on the net” look scary cos it’s new? We mustn’t fear new things until after we understand them and find some real danger.
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tim
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Really getting into it |
Location: UK, West of London in Ber...
Registered: February 2002
Messages: 842
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No comments though
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If so: coward! (Joking, of course. )
He seemed such a go-getter at the party, but maybe it was the booze talking?
-Lenny
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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You mean he has not checked it out yet? 
