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I fully understand this post might upset someone, or make that someone become upset with me and if so, I'm sorry. It's not my intention to upset, truly! I just need to get this off my chest. I'll withhold any details to avoid any further embarrassment for either one of us involved. Please refrain from trying to guess who or what this post is about (it's not neccessarily someone anyone of you know.  ). Thank you.
Anyway, we were having a conversation and I was told something which he immediately regretted telling me. I guess I'm compounding that regret now and apologize again. 
Anyway, what I was told got me thinking. I stuck to the issue even though I probably shouldn't have, it was too hard for me to drop it because it was too much a surprise for me that it came up in the first place.
I guess I was having an idealized picture of my conversation partner, when in reality there is a real living, breathing person behind that screen name. A person with circumstances in his life that has to be dealt with in one way or another, and who am I to judge the way he chooses to deal with them, really?
I'm really divided over this issue. I hold my friend in the highest regard, and I guess that made me blind to those circumstances. Besides, what I was told is perfectly acceptable in our society after all, and actually thought of as a natural life experience. So why does it bother me so much?
Should I make it any of my business at all simply because I happen to disapprove of it, because I think my friend is demeaning himself by not reasoning the exact same way I do? That makes me a hypocrite I fear, because it is a legitimate 'pastime' after all.
Why am this such a big deal to me, really? (Rethorical question, mind you.) I don't understand. Have I been thinking of my friend as some kind of saint, and am I now disappointed in him because he's not (in my eyes), "perfect", for doing something that like I said IS acceptable just about everywhere in our society (even if frowned upon by some, but they've most likely done it too themselves at the same point in their lives).
If I have been thinking of him like this, I've been doing him a great disservice, and for that I am very sorry. I should have known better! Nobody should be forced to live up to somebody else's mental image of themselves, that's just plain wrong...
So actually, this isn't as much a question as a bit of self-analysis I think. Without exact details it's almost impossible for anyone from the outside to offer any meaningful imput on the issue. I suppose I made this post is because I worry about my friend. Not that I have a genuine reason to worry, he can take care of himself, and what he's planning isn't anything illegal or such. In fact, some board members HIGHLY APPROVE of this practice and greatly enjoy themselves doing it.
But like I told my friend, because of personal experiences, I've developed an extreme adversion to the whole thing (and especially at his age), and I suppose that's the root of the problem. Well, I only have myself to blame here. I hope I've not caused my friend any mental anguish because of our conversation or this post.
Is it wrong of me to care at all, or am I caring in the wrong way? This I cannot answer, only my friend can do that.
When I try to answer, what I come up with is, my brain tells me that when all is said and done, it's really none of my god-damn business. It wasn't wrong of my friend to tell me, it was wrong of me to get so hung up about it. Yet my heart won't let it go because inside me, I feel this is not right, he shouldn't need this. He's too...well, special. But then I'm disregarding circumstance again and other things... After all, he might just plain LIKE IT. Isn't that reason enough to do it? It's his life to live, not mine. I made my decisions, he makes his.
*SIGH*
-Lenny (Who's feeling rather stupid right now, and it's all his own fault.)
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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warren c. e. austin
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Likes it here |
Location: Toronto, Ontario, CANADA
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 247
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Lenny
It's called putting your foot in your mouth.
I do it all the time. Usually from the best of intentions, just as you have appently done. Your friend will understand; probably, like me and oh so others, having done so himself at time or two in his past.
If he never realized before the depth of your caring before, he surely does now.
Warren C. E. Austin
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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What you stumbled on was truth and the ability to be concernedenough to risk a friendship by explaining your position, or something very similar.
He has stumbled into your arms, but may naturally feel a bit prickly over it.
If you are true friends each will understand the other's needs better and you wil go forward closer, knowing you have differences.
And, whatever this habit or practice might be, since some people like it and others hate it, it should not matter at all.
The other thing you've discovered is hwo the net represents people. As perfection, if we are not careful. He isn;t perfect, you aren;t perfect. You each struggle through your own worlds as best you can and but a brave face on it. We all do in our own worlds.
All that's happened is the pedestal you stood him on has broken, and his eyes and yours can meet on the level ground. He's human. You are human.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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trevor
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Really getting into it |
Registered: November 2002
Messages: 732
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Especially if your aversion is due to your own circumstances and if those don't apply to him. As long as he isn't hurting anyone. I suppose it's also possible this habit/action may hurt himself/others less than the alternatives?
But, if you think he IS hurting himself or others - maybe long term or emotionally or whatever - then it was as a caring friend that you pointed it out and now it's up to him.
Personally, my friends here, you included, have helped broaden my thinking - helped me understand how little I really know.
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smith
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On fire! |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 1095
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All righty now.........
Lenny asked me what I was doing this weekend and I replied, as I have to my other friends on this MB at other times, "I'm going to a party and I'm gonna get drunk as a skunk, dance and have fun." I was laughing when I said it. I'm smiling now.
I didn't mean I was going to get so blotto I didn't know what I was doing. I ALWAYS know what I'm doing. When you live like I do, in an area where a pierced ear is unacceptable, you ALWAYS watch yourself and you have friends who watch your back. School is crap. Living in a broom closet is crap. Sometimes, I just want to not think....just dance.
I'm sorry if I caused you distress over a casual statement, my friend. You asked. I answered. I didn't regret saying it because it was the simple truth. Maybe I do come off as "Saint smith" sometimes but believe me, my pedestal is made of old Dr Pepper cans, Dorito chips,lots of mistakes and a great deal of pain..and it's only about 1 centimeter high. I put my best face forward to everyone because I want people to like me and I see no sense in negative vibes.
Thank you for caring, Lenny. I told you that I can get lost in the crowd when I'm dancing and laughing. That's exactly what I meant. There's a movie I love called 'My Cousin Vinnie'. The line that fits me is......"Oh yeah, YOU blend!" But I do try.
This isn't a thread for lectures on the horrors of alcohol abuse. I'm a 15 year old teenage boy who is going to a pasture party. Cut me a little slack.....K?
Love you, Lenny
smith
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Of course my mail generated (maybe severe) discomfort, people jumping to conclusions and stuff. Not that I really blame them, it was my fault.
I wish I'd never made the post. I should have stfu instead.
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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To Lenny...
It is understandable, but something YOU must get past. Remember, your friend is the same person as before, just a bit more real.
To smith....
Your still great! Just be careful, OK?
Both your pedestals are strong, intact, and quite real to me. I cannot think of anything either of you could possibly say that could destroy them for me. Call me kooky, but that's how I see it.
With love,
Kevin
"Be excellent to each other, and, party on dudes"!
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what's a pasture party?
I have this vision of an outdoor disco set in a field somewhere with lots of grass under foot and a few cows grazing amongst the partygoers and mooing in time to the music.
Am I close?
Anyway I hope you have fun!
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No Message Body
"Be excellent to each other, and, party on dudes"!
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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sigh.....to be 15 again and going out into the woods and parting with my "friends"
agree with you kevin 99% here....
lenny i love your posts with all the feeling and concern, but in this case maybe , just maybe you need to chill out a bit.
smith you rock bro and as it has been said just be carful...mmmmk?
one thing my dear old grand dad used to ell me all the time ....one of the best ways to leanr is to try some thing screw it up royaly and leanr from your mistakes. i grew up on a big farm in the midle of no place USA and back in my day having an ear peirced was surly grounds to get your ass kicked daily by everyone else, so i know where your comming from smith.
well enough from me for now
peace
tim...of USA
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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lol....my pedestal (if i have one) must be made of labbets blue beers cans and empty cigarette packs.
"saint smith".....bro i have not laughed as hard as i just did in a long long time....your a funny boy....hehehe
peace
tim...of USA
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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You are a sweet dear man, and taking a friends situation to heart is truely being a good friend.
I know you'll worry about him all evening and there is nothing wrong in that either. Just try and keep it in porportion.
To smith,
I know every one here thinks youre going out drinking is cute, but remember it is really never cute to go out and over do things. Especially when what youre doing is against the law. Just be careful when you are out.
oh, and beware of stray sheep in those fields too....
Bahhhhhhhhhhhhh.....
Marc
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Woods but hey it was the late 60's and there wasn't much that we wouldn't do.
But do take care as i am sure you will,for some reason I don't see you getting as out of control as we did.
People will tell you where they've gone
They'll tell you where to go
But till you get there yourself you never really know
Where some have found their paradise
Other's just come to harm
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smith
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On fire! |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 1095
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Needed:
1 pasture without cows
several trucks with high beam lights on top
lots of people
music
I had a good time. Actually met a new person and talked for a long time. Danced alot and came home safely.
Nuff said
smith
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Steve
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Really getting into it |
Location: London, England
Registered: November 2006
Messages: 465
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>>1 pasture without cows<<
Would sheep be acceptable?
Just asking.
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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mooooooooo
so are cows good dancers?
peace
tim...of USA
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Darren
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Likes it here |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 190
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I guess with that loud music there will be not cow tipping going on????
hahaha
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A philosophical question... (Probably without an answer.) 
Confessions of a Teenage Me 
Re: Confessions of a Teenage Me 
I'm not going to say what i and my friends used to do at 15 in the wo 
