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Darren
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Likes it here |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 190
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We had 3 single female friends over for dinner last night. There is this guy in their church that they do a lot with, and his name is smith. I have met him and I thought he was gay.
We talked about him and they said that he had a girlfriend for 2 years (or something like that) and never had sex once. My question was obviously, is he gay? Well they said that no, he was asexual, which to me means no desire to have sex at all. His friends, family and church is very gay friendly, so from that point of view, being asexual fits. However, I just can't imagine someone not having sexual desires for one sex and/or the other. I just can't believe it unless he has some physical problem or something, but his could be my ignorance.
Just for my interest, I just thought someone else my have an ideas.
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maybe some of the more learned members of this board can answer that.
But what I do know is that some people must have certain requirements be met before they engage in sexual activity. These requirements, or needs, are very restrictive, and often cause that person to not have sex for significant periods. These requirements include:
1. A feeling of love toward the other party.
2. A desire to conduct sexual relations with that particular party.
3. The opportunity to conduct those sexual relations in the manner that both agree to and desire.
4. Informed and reinforced consent from the other party for sexual contact.
Sounds clinical, but I think you get the idea. Some people have imposed very rigid guidelines upon themselves, and until those requirements are met, it ain't gonna happen, baby.
Hugs, Charlie
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Darren
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Registered: January 1970
Messages: 190
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That does not sound very unlearned to me. It totally agree with you. Just someone "is gay" does not mean they wan't to "be gay".
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I think fear can be a strong motivator, even to quell feelings. Their may be more scientific reasons, but I certainly am not qualified to answer them.
I sure wouldn't wish that on anyone, but I do remember a time when, out of fear, I wished it for myself. Thank God I'm past THAT part of my life!
Ironic huh?
Unsure,
Kevin
"Be excellent to each other, and, party on dudes"!
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smith
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On fire! |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 1095
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I lack experience and opportunity !!
eimaJ
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warren c. e. austin
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Likes it here |
Location: Toronto, Ontario, CANADA
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 247
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No Message Body
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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"Asexual" is a valid, though unusual, orientation. It i show many of us start out in life, and some either remain that way or return to it.
Being asexual does not mean there is no masturbation, no orgasm. It just means that there is no desire for any activity at all with another person. Or another creature. Or a location. In other words it is a truly mechanical desire, possibly devoid of any fantasy at all.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Can a guy be asexual 
Is Not THIS smith !! 
