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but I thought I'll try and get some smiles out of you now when everything seems so glum. Maybe you'll laugh and decide to stay or come into the light (gosh, this sounds like a cult advertisment  )
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How good it is to be a man!
1. Your ass is never a critical issue in a job interview.
2. Your orgasms are real, always.
3. You get to keep your own last name.
4. You get the garage all to yourself.
5. The wedding plans itself, without any effort on your part.
6. You don't have the ununderstandable objection to having sex with friends.
7. You discover your true inner self in auto parts.
8. You don't turn sour every time someone doesn't notice you changed your hairdo.
9. Wax comes no where near you.
10. You do the same job and get paid more for it.
11. You don't have to leave the room to rearrange your privates.
12. A wedding dress costs: 2000 dollars. A grooms suit rental costs: 100 dollars.
13. People never stare at your chest while conversing with you.
14. New shoes don't cut or burn your feet.
15. Pornographic movies were designed while thinking of your needs.
16. You can count on your friends never to ask, "well...don't you notice something new about me?".
17. You mood doesn't change.
18. Phone calls end after 30 seconds.
19. A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.
20. You can open all the jars in the house by yourself.
21. You can go to a public restroom without dragging a whole support group wth you.
22. You can allow yourself not to rearrange the hotel bed in the morning.
23. For a tiny bit of consideration you get tons of appreciation.
24. You can remain friends with someone who forgot to invite you to some minor event.
25. You buy your underwear in "three for ten dollars" packages.
26. No one notices if you're 34 and still single.
27. Your face always keeps natural color, no additions.
28. You can enjoy a tranquil ride in the back seat.
29. Three pairs of shoes are more then enough for you.
30. You don't need to clean your place when the plumber comes.
31. You can sit down with a friend to watch hours of football without thinking he must be mad at you.
32. You don't need tampons.
33. You can go visit a friend without needing to bring him a gift.
34. If somebody else is wearing the same thing as you at a party, at most you'll become great friends.
35. No one expects you to name more then five colors.
36. You don't stop and think at which angle to place the nut in the bowl.
37. You can't see wrinkles on shirts.
38. Every hairdo lasts at least a year, sometimes even a decade.
39. You don't shave under the neck.
40. Mostly your belly hides you hips.
41. One wallet and one pair of shoes serve you faithfully every season, every year.
42. You can finish doing your nails with a pocketknife.
43. You have the choice whether to grow a moustache or not.
44. You finish your christmas shoping, for the entire family, in under fifteen minutes.
Be happy,
Gil
Searching for the light at the end of the bed...
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Why it's better to be a woman!
1. You were blessed with the ability to be vicious, and you're not ashamed to use it.
2. You don't need a wallet on the first date.
3. You understand the joys of shoping.
4. At 6th grade the boys are willing to sell their mother, for 7 minutes in haven with you.
5. At 13 you don't sound like a dying frog.
6. If you feel like acting like a little girl, everyone will think it's cute not stupid.
7. You're allowed to cry in front of people.
8. In the restroom you don't have to adjust yourself to the urinal's hight.
9. Sex depands on your will, not your genitalia.
10. When you ask the time, it's only because you don't have a watch.
11. After waxing, even the Syrian prison won't get any secrets from you.
12. Being a virgin at 20 - gets you appreciated not boycotted.
13. You can have sex for more then 3 minutes.
14. You don't need to add "Bro" after every word.
15. You already know and understand why they invented the deodorant.
16. Teachers will always like you.
17. Your handwriting doesn't look like an egyptian hieroglyph restoration.
18. You're not afraid of commitment.
19. A kick in the groin doesn't cause you to twist your face in terror.
20. You have no introduction to ruler measuring rituals at 16...
21. You have no organs that wake up before you in the morning.
22. You can't get someone else pregnant.
23. With tears you'll get out of everything.
24. Your mental development didn't stop at 16.
25. Your husband will die before you do.
26. Playing with a Barbie isn't considered perverted.
27. You know how the girl showers look from the inside.
28. Hanging out with your friends includes more then just football, beer, chips and burping.
29. You will always know you're your childs biological mother, and who is real daddy is...
30. You never had a "who spits furthest" contest.
31. Your shoes don't smell like a dead dog.
Be very happy 
Gil
Searching for the light at the end of the bed...
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smith
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On fire! |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 1095
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Actually, the women's list is funnier than the men's when you say the opposite thing for each of them..........
#31 My shoes DO smell like dead dogs !!
Thanks Gil.....This angst filled place needs laughter !!
smith
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Great - where DO you find them? It brightened my day
Friendship is the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts or measure words
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