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I've just finished chatting with one of my internet friends. We live in different countries and we've never met. We've exchanged pics, that's as close as it gets. We have talked a lot though, about our innermost feelings and fears, and in some ways our lives mirror each other to an extent that is almost scary. In a way he feels like a family member to me, or at least a family member I wish I'd had while growing up, and he is very dear to me. More than dear even, and when I see he is in such pain as he is now I feel so helpless...
He means so much to me! I don't know what to do if I was to lose him. He said about half a year ago he lives for his dogs, but right then he started dating his boyfriend for real, and he's since moved in with him too. I thought that would pick him up, but it hasn't. His health isn't so good and his veteran pension is extremely limited, he's very poor. His boyfriend wants to help, but he isn't allowed to because my friend doesn't want to feel like he is a burden, financially and otherwise. It's pride to some extent, but there's more also behind that, more sinister motives.
He wants to die, I know it. 
I want to HELP HIM! But I can't! I'm too far away!
Don't know what to do... My words of support aren't accomplishing anything, and that's all I got! I'm totally helpless...
-L
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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There was once I wanted to die also Lenny. I didnt tell anyone and went about it like it was something I could do that wouldnt turn out wrong. I couldnt even do that but I found that there is something to hope for.
Your Friend needs you always and all you can do is just be there and continue to chat with him and let him know you REALLY care. It will get to him eventually that it IS worth being here. Hugs for you and your Friend Lenny and Merry Christmas to you both. 
People have a habit of changing your direction through life
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Just keep telling him what you know. That he is a worthwhile person. He may not see it, but he will know you know
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Hi there , I am sorry to hear this about your friend ..
But you are doing alot for him just by being his friend and talking to him .. Just keep it up .. I know it will help him because I was in the same way about a year ago ..
I just wanted to die too ...but A SPECIAL FRIEND on here and a few more help me alot and he didn't give up on me ..
So just keep telling him it over and over ..
Let him know again and again that you will be here for him no matter what ..and that he is a special person ..
I hope what I said here will help you in some way ..and take care of yourself ..
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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I'm not sure if this will help your friend, but when I was depressed and suicidal an online friend said one of the most profound things to me, that helped me quite a lot. He simply said that I had to stay alive so I could meet him one day and that said everything I needed to know about how much he did care for me. I was still depressed, still suicidal, but it was enough to stop me from actually doing anything...
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stephen
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Toe is in the water |
Location: UK
Registered: December 2002
Messages: 31
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Lenny
I'm not very good at this - I know what I want to say, but can't think how to say it. Basically, just keep doing what you do best and tell him what you've told us - that he means a lot to you, he's like a member of the family - show him you care, support him as much as you can and know that you have our support as does he, if he wants it.
Does this make sense. I hope so.
Stephen
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e
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On fire! |
Location: currently So Cal
Registered: May 2002
Messages: 1179
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You can control what you do. Sometimes just letting a person know you care and are his friend is all you can do. Often it is more than enough. You are doing that. I know you want to do more, but you can only do what is possible. Your friend must do the rest. Have faith in him and support him. Whatever hapopens you should know that you did what you could do and be glad that you could do that much. It is more than a great many of us who do not know your friend. All we can do is support you and your efforts.
Think good thoughts,
e
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smith
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On fire! |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 1095
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You are a strong loving friend. He knows that. Keep telling him and keep trying to make him smile. You ARE accomplishing a great deal by cherishing him and holding on. When a person doesn't feel important, doesn't feel worthwhile, they need to hear that they are from the people who love them. Keep telling him. Your words are always so beautiful, Lenny. Use them now.
Hugs and Love~
smith
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He's stopped caring. Not about me, or things I say to him or such, but about himself. He doesn't take care of himself anymore. He's been wearing the same two-week lenses for a year now and it's to the point where he actually gets headaches from watching just a little TV... I've told him he's going to get himself an eye infection and go blind and he's like 'whatever'. He even WANTS it to happen. I don't know WHAT to do!
I wanna hold him and love him, but we're seven timezones apart so that is impossible!
Please smith, can we talk? I need it... I said bye and merry christmas to an old classmate just an hour ago. He stayed the "night" (it's not even six thirty and I've been awake since three thirty), because his plane for Hungary leaves in the early morning where he will spend the holidays with his girlfriend. I'm scared, and I feel alone right now.
-L
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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No Message Body
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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I'm very sad and worried and I feel utterly helpless! 
