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warren c. e. austin
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Likes it here |
Location: Toronto, Ontario, CANADA
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 247
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You may wonder at my feeling of alienation at "A Place of Safety". These past few days I've done considerable soul-searching, arriving at many unassailable truths, both about myself, and of others I've had, to one degree or another, interaction with.
The conclusion that I have reached is that I am responsible.
I am the outsider. I'm not a part of "the Club"; nor, could I ever be; nor will I ever be. It is apparent that I have little, or nothing, in common with those that are.
One truth that I do know is that my life has been one of considerable privilege; one that has seldom been troubled by many of the issues faced by a majority of your clientele.
Another is that I apparently don't understand the "rules".
Caught up in whorl-wind of one other's interest in what I thought had been me, I didn't realize that whilst he appropriated most of my daily on-line contact, I had little, or no other, with anyone else. In the very occasional absence of the one, I failed to notice that I, although theoretically "visibly" present to others through one Instant Messaging client or the other, was, and currently am, seldom ever spontaneously contacted by anyone. I have all these "buddies" in my "friends lists", but I'm not often present in theirs; nor, am I likely to ever be. By and large if I contact someone, they are polite; but, in truth I have come to sense, they would rather I simply just go away. I am tolerated, and nothing more.
In my posts to the Board, I have had more than one participant tell me (either privately as you have done, or more openly as others have) I'm "too" wordy; or, that I'm too intense; others tell me I have a unique "gift" with words; still others, that what I have to say has no relevance, effectively silencing me. Simply put, I no-longer know what to believe.
I'm am an intense, and focused, person; always have been. This has often traditionally been counterbalanced through my inherent caring, compassionate and nurturing nature. Sadly this seems to be not enough, and after a lifetime of giving, I find myself more alone now than at any other period in time.
I've now come to sincerely regret my having ever found your web-site, and this Message Board, and the potential promise of fellowship that it held out to me.
Warren C. E. Austin
"The Gay Deceiver"
Toronto, Canada
2003.02.11 12:00 Hrs EST
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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If you are not a part of the "good ol' boys club" nothing is taken seriously.
An honest opinion it taken as a *rant* and unless you agree with the status quo there is no chance of acceptance.
I know the powers that be in this "place of safety" will dispute what I say here, they always do, but what matters is that I am not the only person that sees what I see here.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13771
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You know, most open letters also ask for something. I am perplexed.
You don't seem to be a man who lets others put him off by being told he is verbose, or has swallowed a dictionary, or is irrelevant (which I disagree with).
The potential of fellowship is in each of our own hands, and no-one else's. We grasp hands or allow them to pass by ungrasped. Are you asking? Are you grasping? Is the letter one that says "Please accept me?" If it is, then you have it.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Steve
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Really getting into it |
Location: London, England
Registered: November 2006
Messages: 465
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Dear Warren,
Earlier on today and in connection with a completely different matter, I told Timmy that I was not going to get involved with 'problematic' threads at this time. But I find that your message leaves me with an irresistible urge to respond. I am always very pleased when newcomers to the Board present their problems and ask for help, advice, support. (I rarely answer these calls publicly because I usually find that others have already done the job far better than I ever could.)
But there is another kind of message that I find very hard to accept, and that is the kind of message that you have posted above. If you really felt out of place here you would not say so; you would just quietly leave and never log in here again. The fact that you need to tell us all how terrible we are, and how unworthy we are of your company, suggests to me that you do want to be here, but on your conditions.
That doesn't wash, Warren. You take us as you find us, just as we take you as we find you. I would be very pleased if you decide to stay - because I think that you feel that you need to stay, and that is what this place is all about.
But, there is one thing that I cannot accept - not from you and not from others (possibly you using an alias - I really don't know) who have done it over the past few weeks. That thing is what I would call "Timmy bashing". I have never had the pleasure of meeting Timmy in person, but I think that I know him better than most people on this MB. He is a wonderful human being; would that I could achieve even just half of his humanity and his genuine care for others. In this respect he is a giant and leaves mere mortals like me and you, Warren, far, far behind. On several occasions I have told Timmy that I think he has been wrong, that he has done wrong etc. Almost always he has accepted what I had to say with deep friendship and humility. I believe that that is so because I have never done so publicly - and I hope I never will.
Timmy is the owner of this site and of this Board. He knows why he created it and he knows why he maintains it. Therefore it is his privilege to lay down the basic ground rules. We are all his guests here. Yes, this is a wonderful family for those who want to feel it that way; and this family meets in Timmy's living room, as it were.
So, Warren (and others who have made similar complaints) - please stay; but if you decide that this place is not for you please just go quietly and do not publicly beg us all to beg you to do us the favour of staying.
Forgive me for being blunt, but when someone starts bashing my friends I get narked, and when I get narked I say so! In case there is any doubt in anyone's mind: Timmy is my friend.
Yours,
Steve
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13771
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But you are making yourself one with grim determination. You are spoiling for a fight, like a spoilt child, and will not be satisfied until you get one. No such luck. You do not get the satisfaction of a fight.
Have the courage to use your name. "It Doesn't matter", "A former Child", and now "Another Outsider". I can tell you, friend that you are, that I despise anonymous sniping.
You will not wreck what others have built here, however hard you try. It is as big as the man you are inside, not as small as the brat you are posing as.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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robert bryce
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Really getting into it |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 414
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AND I AGREE WITH THIS LETTER WRITER TEN THOUSAND PERCENT.THIS IS NOTICE TO ALL YOU CHICKEN FUCKERS ( yank slang ) THAT I WOULD SWIM THE ATLANTIC AND BEAT WITH A WET NOODLE ANYONE THAT WOULD BASH TIMMY. I hear some sour grapes.this isnt the place or time.Damn it guys,the underlying theme of most stories is acceptance.pure and simple,and that better darn well be unconditional. ps----whats up with marc robert
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robert bryce
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Really getting into it |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 414
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TIMMY I LOVE YOU--YOUR MESSAGE BOARD HAS MADE MY DAY
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13771
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HUgs ya!
is GREAT to see you here.
This mess is being resolved. Now be here as you, and be VEYR welcome
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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I came to this place just over a year ago (first post: february ninth, a year and three days into the past. I didn't bother to make a big deal out of it).
I came from nowhere, suffering and in as much pain as anyone could ever be and still function. Nothing has changed on that point, I'm just a little better at controlling it, that's all.
I've never been part of any boys' clubs in my life. Never been popular, or desired, or felt good about myself. Yet I was welcomed here. People took me in, welcomed me, cared for me, despite that I'm... Well, NOTHING, really.
I don't know why they did that, other than simply they wanted to.
The reason some feel there is some kind of boys' club here excluding people is perhaps because they expect there to be one, because just about everywhere you go... School, work, etc, there exists an inner circle for the cool ones, those invited, and sweet fanny adams for everybody else. I can't say I've ever felt it to be the case here.
Often I've not wanted to participate, but that's because of myself, the way I feel, not because of the other people here.
I've never managed to feel welcome on any other discussion message board, just because I've never felt myself as a part of the gang. People here though, they don't care. I would like to say to Warren and the others who feel like outsiders, there is no-one judging you or trying to exclude you or ignore you. Your opinions are treasured just as greatly as everybody else's as long as they're expressed in the spirit of the words stated at the top of the main board page.
Maybe you're partly right though. Maybe some of the regulars haven't listened closely enough to some of the new ones, I don't know. I can't answer to how another person feels. I hope anyone feeling uncomfortable will step forward and help the rest of us understand how they feel, and tell us how to approach them properly, as everybody have different needs after all.
I hope you will tell us the way we're lacking so we can make you feel better. I hope you will help us help you...! I'm sure you'll find this is a good place if you'll just give it a chance! 
Sincerely:
-Lenny
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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robert bryce
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Really getting into it |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 414
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HY YA YURSELF--THIS IS YOUR HORSES ASS FROM THE BETTER SIDE OF THE POND. sounds like ol sour grapes is pissing on himself. you know the old YANK saying,criticism without merit aint nuffing but loud farts. How about jumping on Marcs butt and get him back on line...sounds like the guy needs his prostrate massauged or sumptin. robert
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robert bryce
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Really getting into it |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 414
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hey ya lenny this is robert here. LIKE WHATCHA HAD TO SAY. I dont know what your orientation is but im gonna say it anyhoo...The guy must be a hetro. oh well I guess life wouldnt be interesting if there wernt any crap spreaders in the world.hehehe
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robert bryce
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Really getting into it |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 414
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hey ya lenny this is robert here. LIKE WHATCHA HAD TO SAY. I dont know what your orientation is but im gonna say it anyhoo...The guy must be a hetro. oh well I guess life wouldnt be interesting if there wernt any crap spreaders in the world.hehehe just joking best solution for sour grapes is a lot of sugar--that is after it has passed through the kidneys.Oh and by the way,look up the yank definition of a GOOD OL BOY.---Kin to honey dipper. robert
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tim...of usa
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Likes it here |
Location: buffalo, new york...USA
Registered: July 2002
Messages: 266
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stay or go as you feel best suits any of you.
i have found a home for me right here and i am staying for a bit, some day i may go but your not going to hear me BITCHING publicly about how bad things here are or are not. if its that bad GET OUT and stop crying like a 3 year old. or try this be the bigger man and do some thing to make it better, just say HI and be kind with out belittling other.
this can be taken to heart by who ever chooses to or you can simple look at it and think i am nuts either way i have said me bit and i am STAYING no matter what.
peace
tim...of USA
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e
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On fire! |
Location: currently So Cal
Registered: May 2002
Messages: 1179
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I don't understand why some don't feel welcome here either. I was made to feel welcome from the first time I posted (April or May last year), though not everything I've said has been well received. Frequently my posts go without response. At times I've been criticized for being too harsh or too blunt. I know I can come off as a know-it-all. I don't feel like an "insider" or an "outsider." I am simply here.
Last fall I went a couple of months without posting, though I visited nearly every day. No one seemed to even notice I was missing. But that's all part of life. I'm not complaining. I still struggle to belong. I enjoy the interaction when it presents itself. I take what this place will give and I try to give what it will take. Sometimes I end up feeling quite happy and other times I'm hurt.
In spite of all it's faults, I call this place home. At times it is easier to call it that than at others, but if I call it home, it becomes home. If I want to belong, I will belong. I don't have to have something in common with everyone else. I don't have to have been through the hell that many others have suffered through. I don't have to be validated by the "insiders." I can live with being criticized. I can live with being ignored. And I can belong because I choose to belong.
It is because I have chosen to belong here and I have stuck around that I have made some friends. I have found some acceptance here. Not from everyone, but from some. That is more than I had before I got here. It is why I stay.
Think good thoughts,
e
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trevor
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Really getting into it |
Registered: November 2002
Messages: 732
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Don't hold back, robert - tell us what you're REALLY thinking!
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An open letter to "Timmy" 
Regarding the "Good ol' boys' club"... 
Re: Regarding the "Good ol' boys' club"... 