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I think I am over it [message #281]

Sun, 25 November 2001 12:22

tim

Really getting into it

Location: UK, West of London in Ber...
Registered: February 2002
Messages: 842

Over him, I mean.

Today is the 50th birthday of the "boy" I loved more than life itself, of the boy I adored since September 1965. Over the years he has been a source of huge sorrow and huge feelings of comfort. And he never knew of either.

This picture is on my site, on the index to the stories page. It is, I think, a picture showing his beauty. At least today I can look at it and say "To me, John, you are beautiful." But I am no longer under his thrall. He has no power over me. I no longer love him. I am no longer obsessed.

Sure, there are a few flashbacks, but for the past six and a half weeks I have not even imagined what it would be like, have been like, if he had loved me.

I don't know what has allowed me to come at long last to terms with a lifetime of unrequited love. It conicides with, but has not been caused nor catalysed by my seeing a psycho-sexual psychologist. We had not even got that far, the counsellor and I. He is as surprised as I am that John is now "someone I used to know".

I am not yet able to be angry with J. I should be. He is not, and never has been, a pleasant person, and never was the friend I believed him to be. He was self centred and selfish as a boy (a thing I always knew in my heart). And yet he never treated me badly, perhaps until I became an embarrassment.

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[Updated on: Wed, 17 September 2003 17:56] by Moderator

		I think I am over it By: tim on Sun, 25 November 2001 12:22
		Re: I think I am over it By: Guest on Sun, 25 November 2001 16:24
		Re: I think I am over it By: ron on Mon, 26 November 2001 03:37
		Re: I think I am over it By: jasper on Mon, 26 November 2001 13:34
		Re: I think I am over it By: Guest on Wed, 02 January 2002 00:34

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