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Feeling strange again.
It's like I'm nervous of something, but I have no idea why I'd be nervous. I have nothing in particular to worry about (apart from all my usual worries of course, nnhh  ). Maybe it's because I'm feeling indescisive too here. I still have a lingering slimy throat and cough from my illness (which my god-awful cough medicine does precious little to alleviate), and that makes me uncertain if I should go to the gym or not today. But I feel I should go anyway, been away for four days now, longest break EVER so far and I fear I might start slacking off if I delay for too long. That would be disastrous.
So I feel torn over this issue, and maybe that is what makes me feel so damn strange. If only I had someone to share these concerns with, someone close. Dammit... I really want a boyfriend.
So what am I saying in this post? Not sure.
It's just more of my aimless rambling, my fears, my doubts, my uncertainties. I'm sleeping too much these days, woke up after eleven today and when I did I immediately started feeling strange. Day could have started off better I think...
A big reason for my moodiness is the fact I've spent so much time alone in my apartement these last few days. Yesterday was the first time I went out the door since getting sick, I did the café+book thing, and took a walk in the forest afterwards too. But I still feel the walls closing in on me today, I'll go NUTS soon if I keep staying indoors like this... I check the message board too often. I check my email too often. And I don't get enough responses. I need additional stimuli, but where do I find that?
I CAN'T spend time sitting at a café reading books. I'd be doing something different somewhere else, sure. But I'd still be doing it ALONE. So no major difference after all.
There's a martial arts dojo near my gym. I'm going to check it out and see if they have a beginner's group or something... I need to get to know new people, and doing it while practicing a sport serves twin purposes. Exercise clears my head too.
-Lenny
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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What the heck is wrong with me today? 
