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I hit a brick wall yesterday [message #2205]

Thu, 02 May 2002 06:36

tim

Really getting into it

Location: UK, West of London in Ber...
Registered: February 2002
Messages: 842

I suppose it was inevitable, and the damage is mostly self repaired.

I thought I would be able to cope without a thing touching me. But it was not to be, and I hope it doesn't come back today, but it might.

Today I go to Gloucester on business. I do this about every six months or so. In Gloucester, in the probation office, works the man who is the boy I loved and then obsessed over. Last night many of the old feelings came back and got to me. Wanting to see him. Not even to meet, just to look. A sort of morbid curiosity to see what I can never have lost because I never had it in the first place.

Today I think I can do the trip without tears.

But I want to drive past his office like I used to drive past his house, hoping to see him playing outside. Well, you know what I mean Sad

I can't, of course, and I won't.

Couldn't tell She Who Must Be Obeyed At All Times because she is under huge stress because one of our two dogs just has to be choosing this moment to have fallen ill, and she's crying about him, so I can't add more to her burden. So last night I listenedto her going oin about the dig instead of being able to go on about me.

		I hit a brick wall yesterday By: tim on Thu, 02 May 2002 06:36
		Seems ok By: tim on Thu, 02 May 2002 13:06
		Question By: Darren on Thu, 02 May 2002 13:38
		Reasonable thought By: tim on Thu, 02 May 2002 14:15
		Well By: trevor on Thu, 02 May 2002 15:13
		Especially because.... By: tim on Thu, 02 May 2002 15:24
		Re: Especially because.... By: Darren on Thu, 02 May 2002 15:35
		Ah so would mine By: tim on Thu, 02 May 2002 15:52
		The benefit of hindsight By: Darren on Thu, 02 May 2002 16:58
		I haven't had the "pleasure" By: trevor on Thu, 02 May 2002 17:58
		Re: I haven't had the "pleasure" By: tim on Thu, 02 May 2002 20:43
		So difficult to let go By: Guest on Thu, 02 May 2002 19:49
		HUGE HUG for smith By: tim on Thu, 02 May 2002 20:50
		I think I understand now By: Guest on Thu, 02 May 2002 22:36
		smith, I agree fully. By: lenny on Thu, 02 May 2002 23:46
		Thanks, Lenny By: Guest on Fri, 03 May 2002 01:20
		No, I can't promise that! By: lenny on Fri, 03 May 2002 11:39
		Background of the times and their effects By: tim on Fri, 03 May 2002 07:14
		Re: Background of the times and their effects By: Guest on Fri, 03 May 2002 12:05
		Some people equate "manliness" with Heterosexuality By: tim on Fri, 03 May 2002 13:27
		Re: I hit a brick wall yesterday By: marc on Fri, 03 May 2002 11:01
		I didn't cry By: tim on Fri, 03 May 2002 13:46
		Re: I didn't cry By: Steve on Sun, 05 May 2002 03:57
		There is no benefit By: tim on Sun, 05 May 2002 13:02
		Lets look at it from John's point of view By: Darren on Fri, 03 May 2002 22:25
		We CANNOT look at it from John's point of view... By: david in hong kong on Sat, 04 May 2002 02:54
		Mini Eruptions and Amnesia By: tim on Sat, 04 May 2002 10:23
		Re: Lets look at it from John's point of view By: trevor on Sat, 04 May 2002 03:56
		As objective a look at John's point of view as I can By: tim on Sat, 04 May 2002 10:21
		Re: As objective a look at John's point of view as I can By: Darren on Tue, 07 May 2002 00:03
		The "Paedophiles" thing By: tim on Tue, 07 May 2002 08:56
		Re: I hit a brick wall yesterday By: kevin on Sat, 04 May 2002 19:46
		Re: I hit a brick wall yesterday By: tim on Sat, 04 May 2002 22:47
		Re: I hit a brick wall yesterday By: kevin on Wed, 15 May 2002 03:22

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