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You are here: Home > Forum > A Place of Safety > General Talk > I hit a brick wall yesterday
icon9.gif I hit a brick wall yesterday  [message #2205] Thu, 02 May 2002 06:36 Go to previous message
tim is currently offline  tim

Really getting into it
Location: UK, West of London in Ber...
Registered: February 2002
Messages: 842



I suppose it was inevitable, and the damage is mostly self repaired.

I thought I would be able to cope without a thing touching me. But it was not to be, and I hope it doesn't come back today, but it might.

Today I go to Gloucester on business. I do this about every six months or so. In Gloucester, in the probation office, works the man who is the boy I loved and then obsessed over. Last night many of the old feelings came back and got to me. Wanting to see him. Not even to meet, just to look. A sort of morbid curiosity to see what I can never have lost because I never had it in the first place.

Today I think I can do the trip without tears.

But I want to drive past his office like I used to drive past his house, hoping to see him playing outside. Well, you know what I mean Sad I can't, of course, and I won't.

Couldn't tell She Who Must Be Obeyed At All Times because she is under huge stress because one of our two dogs just has to be choosing this moment to have fallen ill, and she's crying about him, so I can't add more to her burden. So last night I listenedto her going oin about the dig instead of being able to go on about me.
 
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