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...Yes, in a way that's the way I feel right now. And I'm not even scared of that low tree-branch that always seems to smack me in the face when I'm 'up' either.
This is a mail I just sent to my Brother in Spirit, I won't bother to write it all again because it's too much stuff...! 
--- 8< --- 8< ---
...Anyways, this has again been a special day.
It started with me going to bed after writing a short email reply to a young guy named smith, a new participant at the IOMfAtS message board. He's fifteen, but from what he writes you'd think he was MUCH older, and is from California. Unfortunately, he just got beat up yesterday by some jocks because he told them to stop harassing a smaller kid. Bruises, broken glasses, cracked ribs, the works.  He then got detention for starting a fight (which he of course did not), and his parents weren't very understanding either it seems. So he had a rough day.
Anyway, I send him the reply, just a short note with a bit of sympathy in it telling him I'll reply more in-depth after I get some sleep (it's 02:20 in the morning by then). I go to bed, wake up after an hour later after having had a fairly scary dream. I go to sleep again. Sometime towards early morning (maybe around six or so), I wake up again. I've had The Most Amazing wet dream, and it was totally satisfying. I have to go to the bathroom, and I have to discard my underwear too for obvious reasons. I go back to bed naked, something I haven't done in AGES since I usually feel rather uncomfortable. But now it just feels good, I'm really starting to get in shape now, and I feel rather sexy and everything...! A wise man at the message board, an UK fella named Darren told me love wasn't likely to be found unless one was satisfied with oneself, and I think there's a bit of truth in that. I am starting to feel satisfied with myself, or my body anyway if not my memories. But these I can ignore for the most part these days; I have the board if I need to release steam. And I have you too.
I sleep well until the alarm wakes me up. I eat breakfast, read my morning mail, surf a bit and stuff, reply again to smith and get my butt down to the gym. I've already more or less reconciled myself with the thought I will never see my Asian dreamboy again (because that's just the way things are for me), and the thought doesn't really bother me anymore. I have that one good memory which I can think of whenever I want, and even though it makes me a little sad, I know I got him excited all by myself, and it makes me feel good, and feel hopeful. But I still lust for him, and if I could choose between him and, let's say, Elijah Wood, I'd still choose my Asian Dreamboy in a heartbeat. I want him and nobody else...
And, as I walk up to the counter and hand over my membership card, THERE HE IS!!! Dressed in his training clothes... I kind of stop there for a second, just looking at him. He notices me. I smile at him, he smiles back. He buys a banana. I get my heart-rate sensor.
He walks over to a table to eat his fruit. I say hello, and so does he. I'm thinking, I HAVE TO TALK TO HIM! But I'm sooooo frickin' nervous, and I just don't have the guts even though I'm yelling and screaming and cursing at myself on the inside to go ahead and do it! But I still leave for the lockers and change into training gear too. There's just one locker room anyway, so if he's finished for the day I'd see him there I know. I weigh myself on the way out. 83.4 kilos.
I go downstairs again and check the tables. I've decided, if he's still there, I WILL go talk to him! Well, he isn't. I go into the gym area instead, he's usually on the elliptical running machines when I see him. Well, he isn't there either. I sigh, and start warming up. Then I see him. He's over at the dumbbells section, doing biceps curls. I feel relieved. I keep my eyes on him, and after a couple minutes he goes on a treadmill instead and starts running, then walking. I speak a bit to another guy I've gotten to know. We're not on first-name basis; neither of us have presented ourselves. He calls me (and everybody else he talks to, which is just about ALL the regulars) "The Man", and look at my Asian Dreamboy as often as on my friend. I've told him there's a person there that I'm lusting for, and he's assuming it's a girl. I think I will tell him the truth some day, because sooner or later my toungue will slip. Well, he's done for the day and leaves.
I finish my warmup and start on my weights program. My Asian Dreamboy finishes winding down and takes the stairs up to the second floor, probably heading for the stretching room, I'm not sure. I finish my reps and go upstairs too, I WILL NOT let him slip out of my grasp again...
Yes, he's stretching out, with his back towards me. We're alone in there. I look at him, feeling terribly nervous. He notices me...
I ask if we can talk a bit.
He readily agrees, and seems like an open guy... I feel a bit relieved. Yes, he does indeed have a slight accent when he speaks, but it's not overly apparant either.
I explain I feel a bit awkward, he says it's okay... Then I ask him, if we could see each other, like at a café or something. He agrees again... He does indeed seem like a friendly, open person and I'm feeling myself going hard just by talking to the guy!
I finally check with him for his training schedule. Seems he doesn't have one, but he comes at about that time of day, so I know I will see him sometime again, even though we do not decide anything there and then. I am a bit late, if I start my warmup at about two in the afternoon I should be more in synch with him...
Before I leave, I say I'd much like to see him again, and smile, and so does he.
And next time I will ask him out for real.
HE SHALL BE MINE, SO HELP ME GOD.
The rest of my workout I train with a happy grin on my face. AND, I totally screwed up my cardio training by thinking about my Asian Dreamboy all the time so my pulse started racing thus tricking the machine to lower the workload. Instead of getting an index of 40+, I was down to 35 and had to add an extra fifteen minutes of training to make up for it, LOL!
I go upstairs again, stretch out, shower, sit in the sauna and cook for a while feeling happy and relaxed, thinking lots of good thoughts, mostly about my Asian Dreamboy. Shower again, get dressed. As I come down the stairs to the ground floor, I hear this booming out of the speakers:
(LIFE; E-Type)
I've got life
just give me time to find
whatever it is it will be alright
forever by your side
We're gonna live forever
don't let this be... whatever
I'm gonna make you believe in something alright, 'cause
we're gonna live forever
if you never say never
we're gonna make it, alright
I've got life
just give me time to find
whatever it is it will be alright
forever by your side
Yes, right now I've got life.
-Lenny
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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Like Adam said: OH MY F%#KING GOD
By: lenny on Fri, 10 May 2002 17:51 |
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Well done, Lenny, go for it!
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And you thought I had questions before ::giggle::
By: Guest on Fri, 10 May 2002 21:26 |
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Lucky penny? Hey smith... I was thinking almost the same thing!
By: lenny on Fri, 10 May 2002 22:59 |
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Skip the naughty parts?
By: Guest on Sat, 11 May 2002 01:02 |
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Good for you! Not really surprised, though.
By: trevor on Fri, 10 May 2002 22:20 |
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Thanks, Trevor. And Mihangel, and smith too...
By: lenny on Sat, 11 May 2002 10:24 |
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Re: Like Adam said: OH MY F%#KING GOD
By: AdamAnt on Sun, 12 May 2002 14:26 |
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Thanks Adam!
By: lenny on Sun, 12 May 2002 18:03 |
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A little late as usuall...
By: gil on Wed, 15 May 2002 17:41 |
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Re: Like Adam said: OH MY F%#KING GOD
By: Darren on Mon, 13 May 2002 01:07 |
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...Still in limbo...
By: lenny on Wed, 15 May 2002 15:47 |
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