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Married and Gay. Coming out to Spouse [message #2450]

Sun, 12 May 2002 09:30

tim

Really getting into it

Location: UK, West of London in Ber...
Registered: February 2002
Messages: 842

This deserves a new thread.

I think I may have been the first of us to have done this. I tried to do it in 1978 and managed only to get her to think it was a finished, closed compartment which now had no relevance. The subject became closed. Not taboo, just closed.

It took 20 more years to be able to do it properly.

She suggested at several points I wrote out the story of my life. I took this to be her knowing of my attraction to young men and was comfortable both with writing it out and showing it to her. I also thought she knew because I asked her to help me sexually many years ago in ways that were then "advanced" (comonplace in hetero sex manuals today) with anal stimulation, and because she had seen pictures of erect yoing men I'd downloaded fomr the net and I "knew" she knew I masturbated looking at them.

Except she was in denial. Denial so deep that she did not realise that she knew, but was, I think, scared of knowing.

I wrote out my life story and tried to show it to her. It was version one of the story on the site here

It took her six months to read it. Those six months were a huge stress for me. Eventually she read it and said "Is thathow you see yourself?"

"What?"

"Gay?"

"I think it is, yes." They were dreaful words to say. We cried. She cried because I was gay and because there was not just one boy like she thought, but many boys. She cried because I had 'been dishonest' al lthose years, and because she did not know who I was or why I'd been under stress. She cried because the stress had almost wrecked our marriage.

Now we are almost peaceful over it. She was the hardest person to come out to and I have done it twice. We remain best friends and remain in love. We will stay together.

		Married and Gay. Coming out to Spouse By: tim on Sun, 12 May 2002 09:30
		My answer as you just ordered, Tim ;-) By: Michael Simon on Sun, 12 May 2002 09:45
		Re: Married and Gay. Coming out to Spouse By: e on Sun, 12 May 2002 16:29
		It wasn't courage as much as honesty By: tim on Sun, 12 May 2002 18:41
		Well... By: Michael Simon on Sun, 12 May 2002 19:45
		For me By: trevor on Mon, 13 May 2002 01:10
		Coming out to Spouse By: Darren on Mon, 13 May 2002 01:57
		Decisions By: mihangel on Mon, 13 May 2002 12:52
		Tiny Thoughts By: Guest on Mon, 13 May 2002 19:35
		Unmarried, but trying to understand... By: lenny on Mon, 13 May 2002 21:36
		smith, Lenny, thanks By: mihangel on Mon, 13 May 2002 23:36
		My New Books By: Guest on Tue, 14 May 2002 01:35
		Decisions, Decisions, Decisions... By: cossie on Tue, 14 May 2002 00:37
		Thanks, Cossie By: mihangel on Tue, 14 May 2002 09:10
		but you can never be sure that teh risk is worthwhile.. By: Michael Simon on Tue, 14 May 2002 20:33
		Yes, I know By: mihangel on Tue, 14 May 2002 23:56
		I agree, Michael ... By: cossie on Wed, 15 May 2002 00:00
		I know Cossie By: Michael Simon on Wed, 15 May 2002 07:36
		sometimes one has to be truly selfish By: tim on Wed, 15 May 2002 10:19
		well Tim I agree to you to an extent By: Michael Simon on Wed, 15 May 2002 10:51
		betrayal? By: tim on Wed, 15 May 2002 11:50
		Tim, you know what I think of it.. By: Michael Simon on Wed, 15 May 2002 20:05
		English ... By: Darren on Wed, 15 May 2002 20:21
		Danke Darren, Dir auch :-) By: Michael Simon on Wed, 15 May 2002 20:59
		Tim has to be right By: mihangel on Wed, 15 May 2002 11:25
		Re: Tim has to be right By: trevor on Thu, 16 May 2002 05:20
		The issue of betrayal By: Darren on Wed, 15 May 2002 14:05
		Very many thanks, Darren By: mihangel on Wed, 15 May 2002 15:26
		It's just the lenght of time that I am converned about By: Darren on Wed, 15 May 2002 15:42
		Not so very long at all By: mihangel on Wed, 15 May 2002 16:28
		I kno wmy cautious opinion may not seem to fit everyones gusto... By: Michael Simon on Wed, 15 May 2002 20:02
		Thanks again, Michael By: mihangel on Thu, 16 May 2002 00:00
		About coming out to those we love. By: kevin on Wed, 15 May 2002 02:41
		Re: About coming out to those we love. By: trevor on Wed, 15 May 2002 03:22
		Thanks Trevor and I agre By: kevin on Wed, 15 May 2002 03:28
		Re: About coming out to those we love. By: e on Wed, 15 May 2002 06:16
		We are here for you ... By: Darren on Wed, 15 May 2002 14:10
		Thanks 'e' By: kevin on Wed, 15 May 2002 23:29
		Thanks Kevin and Darren By: e on Wed, 15 May 2002 23:40
		Re: Thanks Kevin and Darren By: kevin on Wed, 15 May 2002 23:41
		I still have reservations .... By: cossie on Thu, 16 May 2002 00:35
		Re: I still have reservations .... By: kevin on Thu, 16 May 2002 23:46
		It only got better By: Guest on Fri, 17 May 2002 04:48
		Christina - hugs (if I'm allowed to!) By: mihangel on Fri, 17 May 2002 08:58
		No problem By: Darren on Fri, 17 May 2002 14:12
		Yes, thanks By: e on Fri, 17 May 2002 14:54

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