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tim
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Really getting into it |
Location: UK, West of London in Ber...
Registered: February 2002
Messages: 842
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I had something pointed out to me last night by someone who wants to stay anonymous, but who has been helping me in so many ways to see how backward looking my life has been since I was 13 years old.
"You no longer mention a certain person," he said, in conversation. "When I met you first, my heart broke for your sadness, now I see the start of joy." I have paraphrased it a little. If he should ever see this he will probably not recognise his own words. Even so, that is what I heard from what he said, among other messages he was giving me.
I thought hard. We talked then, for a few moments, about the obsession I had for all those years, about how it was now clearly over. We did not talk about the certain person, except as the fact that he had allowed me to feel, yet stifled the feleings as well. And we spoke of the fact that I now dislike the man intensely. Note this is separate from hate, which is an active emotion. "Dislike" is a passive emotion, only conjured up by references to the perosn concerned.
Losing the obsession was one thing, and quite an event, though it was in itself not a revelation but a dawning realisation. Starting to look forward instead of backwards is another such amazing event, though it arrived gradually too.
With the help of my friends, of my wife, of "my" therapist, and of the person who showed me this last night I am becoming at peace with my demons and with myself.
I am becoming happy.
It is a new experience for me. It is even a little frightening. And it is good.
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