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I fully understand this post might upset someone, or make that someone become upset with me and if so, I'm sorry. It's not my intention to upset, truly! I just need to get this off my chest. I'll withhold any details to avoid any further embarrassment for either one of us involved. Please refrain from trying to guess who or what this post is about (it's not neccessarily someone anyone of you know.  ). Thank you.
Anyway, we were having a conversation and I was told something which he immediately regretted telling me. I guess I'm compounding that regret now and apologize again. 
Anyway, what I was told got me thinking. I stuck to the issue even though I probably shouldn't have, it was too hard for me to drop it because it was too much a surprise for me that it came up in the first place.
I guess I was having an idealized picture of my conversation partner, when in reality there is a real living, breathing person behind that screen name. A person with circumstances in his life that has to be dealt with in one way or another, and who am I to judge the way he chooses to deal with them, really?
I'm really divided over this issue. I hold my friend in the highest regard, and I guess that made me blind to those circumstances. Besides, what I was told is perfectly acceptable in our society after all, and actually thought of as a natural life experience. So why does it bother me so much?
Should I make it any of my business at all simply because I happen to disapprove of it, because I think my friend is demeaning himself by not reasoning the exact same way I do? That makes me a hypocrite I fear, because it is a legitimate 'pastime' after all.
Why am this such a big deal to me, really? (Rethorical question, mind you.) I don't understand. Have I been thinking of my friend as some kind of saint, and am I now disappointed in him because he's not (in my eyes), "perfect", for doing something that like I said IS acceptable just about everywhere in our society (even if frowned upon by some, but they've most likely done it too themselves at the same point in their lives).
If I have been thinking of him like this, I've been doing him a great disservice, and for that I am very sorry. I should have known better! Nobody should be forced to live up to somebody else's mental image of themselves, that's just plain wrong...
So actually, this isn't as much a question as a bit of self-analysis I think. Without exact details it's almost impossible for anyone from the outside to offer any meaningful imput on the issue. I suppose I made this post is because I worry about my friend. Not that I have a genuine reason to worry, he can take care of himself, and what he's planning isn't anything illegal or such. In fact, some board members HIGHLY APPROVE of this practice and greatly enjoy themselves doing it.
But like I told my friend, because of personal experiences, I've developed an extreme adversion to the whole thing (and especially at his age), and I suppose that's the root of the problem. Well, I only have myself to blame here. I hope I've not caused my friend any mental anguish because of our conversation or this post.
Is it wrong of me to care at all, or am I caring in the wrong way? This I cannot answer, only my friend can do that.
When I try to answer, what I come up with is, my brain tells me that when all is said and done, it's really none of my god-damn business. It wasn't wrong of my friend to tell me, it was wrong of me to get so hung up about it. Yet my heart won't let it go because inside me, I feel this is not right, he shouldn't need this. He's too...well, special. But then I'm disregarding circumstance again and other things... After all, he might just plain LIKE IT. Isn't that reason enough to do it? It's his life to live, not mine. I made my decisions, he makes his.
*SIGH*
-Lenny (Who's feeling rather stupid right now, and it's all his own fault.)
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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A philosophical question... (Probably without an answer.)
By: lenny on Sat, 05 October 2002 01:51 |
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Re: A philosophical question... (Probably without an answer.)
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You stumbled on something good
By: timmy on Sat, 05 October 2002 08:36 |
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Lenny screws the pooch again...
By: lenny on Sat, 05 October 2002 14:14 |
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Lenny, to care about someone can never be a bad thing......
By: marc on Sun, 06 October 2002 12:31 |
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Try to see his perspective
By: trevor on Sat, 05 October 2002 12:04 |
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I'm not going to say what i and my friends used to do at 15 in the wo
By: arich on Sun, 06 October 2002 17:00 |
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Confessions of a Teenage Me
By: smith on Sat, 05 October 2002 12:48 |
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Re: Confessions of a Teenage Me
By: kevin on Sat, 05 October 2002 20:37 |
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Re: Confessions of a Teenage Me
By: Guest on Sun, 06 October 2002 11:40 |
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Forgive my ignorance, smith, but
By: nick on Sun, 06 October 2002 00:12 |
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Nick, now that's funny. You paint a nice piture.
By: kevin on Sun, 06 October 2002 00:44 |
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Re: your pedestal
By: Guest on Sun, 06 October 2002 11:44 |
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Pasture Party
By: smith on Mon, 07 October 2002 01:11 |
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Re: Pasture Party
By: Steve on Mon, 07 October 2002 08:20 |
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Re: Pasture Party
By: Guest on Mon, 07 October 2002 10:17 |
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Re: Pasture Party
By: Darren on Mon, 07 October 2002 23:22 |
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