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warren c. e. austin
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Likes it here |
Location: Toronto, Ontario, CANADA
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 247
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... unlike many, if not all here, at A Place of Safety , I have never been a victim of the anguish and torment usually attrubuted to, and associated with coming to terms with, my sexuality.
I have always known; and if the truth be told, so have everyone who has ever come into contact with me. This has included both parents, my then three surviving grand-parents at the time of my birth and later declaration of my being "Gay" (which, when it occurred was somewhat of an event in of itself, and sometime I jusy might explain), my elder brother, friends and associates.
This is not to say I'm visibly homosexual, either in manner, or physical characteristic, but more of the nature of my personality, and how my sexuality bubbles to the surface in often the most unexpected ways in much of what I have ever done, and will likely do, until the day I die.
I have no shame about who I am, nor do I have great regret about choices I've made along the way.
I've said I feel out of sync here; but that is not to say I don't feel "at home"; in many respects I do; if no other reason that I might just be able to contribute a thought or two in response to anothers need to understand that not everyone has to have suffered through all the usual suspects to come to grips with their own very unique and often disturbing foibles and peccadillios.
We individually, and collectively, can and do feel pain; we all suffer uncertainty; we all should have compassion for others in distress; we should exibit a generosity of spirit; we should always provide a helping hand when warranted; we all, and none of would be human if we didn't, need to share our triumphs - even those little successes - with someone.
It it for all these reasons, that I seem to have been destined to find my way here, and so I have come; and I will remain. Outside of both my sons, with the single exception of n\my brother and his two daughters, all of my most immediate family have all gone. I no longer have any close friends. I buried the last of them not quite three years ago. I have for the past four years been living with my elder brother at the request of his two daughters in the, it now transpires, futile hope of healing his chronic problems with an abusive nature aggravated by alcohol. I would appear to have been pointless, as he really is not seeking any healing, and I've painfully come to the conclusion, truly chooses to be tha way he is, and uses the device of the booze to justify his overall behaviour feeling that we all will excuse him because of it. I'll be moving on in a short while. I no longer excuse him. I no longer have any compassion regarding his situation; in fact I find I don't even like him. His daughters aside from having begged me to take care of their father have provided me no support in the endeavour, and in fact scuttle me at every turn. I find I don't like them very much either, and once I relocate, will never again have anything to so with the three of them.
So you see I am very much alone.
Warren C. E. Austin
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