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Well, it's been 6 weeks, and still Conor has been driving me up the wall with worry. I was worried how he took the news, and I could tell I was getting a bit of a cold shoulder lately. So, after debating about it for 6 weeks, I finally got up the courage (again) to talk to him about it.
He was sitting at the back of the bus alone, I was sitting a few rows up. A friend of mine was phased out with his CD player, another was sleeping, so I figured this would be the only chance this week I'd have to talk. So I did. I got up, and walked back there, and sat across from Conor. He didn't even glance at me. "Conor," I said, trying to get his attention. Nothing. Something was definitely up.
I called his name again, and he finally looked at me, without a word. No real expression on his face. Once again, I'm paraphrasing again, it always seems to end up like a blur...
"Uh, Conor, are we still friends?"
"I guess."
"Uh huh..."
"I am real uncomfortable about it."
"You are?"
"Yeah."
"Uh huh. Well, alright, that's all I wanted to know. Thanks."
No expression, no tone...I don't think he even looked at me that much.
I kinda trailed off one that last line...I doubt he heard me. I doubt he really cared, actually. Got up, went back to my seat, tried to seem normal, without turning too red...
Well, that's that. I doubt we'll ever be friends, really. That "I guess" wasn't too sincere at all. It's a shame, really. I guess I can't blame him for being uncomfortable, though. I mean, if I was in his position, and another guy told me he liked me, I probably would've felt uncomfortable, too.
Oh well.
-Tom
"Whatever is sought for can be caught, you know,
whatever is neglected slips away."
Oedipus Rex, lines 126-127
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