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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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When we come online, when we post or when we email, we give a little of ourselves.
Sometimes the people we give a little of ourselves too seem to take more than we give. They pull us when we are unable to be pulled. And that is frightening.
How should we deal with that?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Decide how much we trust the other person, and if we want to keep in touch. And then, we either ignore the person, or try to talk the problem out with the person.
That which is dreamed can never be lost, can never be undreamed.
-Master Li in Neil Gaiman's Sandman
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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When a person avails himself to the kind of discourse we encounter in this medium it is only natural that here, as is the case in the real world, specific levels of intercomunication be acheived.
We, in this place see relationships form and blossom, some are mostly casual while others become more personal, more involved.
Agreed, at times it seems there is more expected than any one of us is willing to give, but that is why there are many of us here.
If a single person feels inundated with demands coming from too many directions at once then I feel he needs to learn to use the "power off" button of his computer sometimes.
I know it may sound crass, but sometimes even the strongest of us needs some time to rest and recharge.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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That would depend on how much we care about the person concerned. Some do affect us more than we want and some affect us less. The Cyber world isnt much different to the offline one. People dont always need anonymity to be arseholes or to be beloved ones. There really isnt any charmed type of response to the question at hand. 
My 10 cents worth anyway.............
People have a habit of changing your direction through life
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e
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On fire! |
Location: currently So Cal
Registered: May 2002
Messages: 1179
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Especially on the internet a person can only take what is given. If you believe he is taking more, perhaps you have given more than you intended. As relationships develope on the internet and in real life persons constantly pull and push, give in and resist. No one who has feelings is immune.
Constantly assess and reassess your relationships just as you would in real life. There is less to go on when on the net, but that doesn't mean you can't look at it for both what you get out of it and what you are willing to put into it.
Think good thoughts,
e
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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What I think I mean is, if someone is new to the weird online world, especially this little corner of it, how can they protect their sanity when they suddenly find themselves inordinately and inexplicably popular?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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e
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On fire! |
Location: currently So Cal
Registered: May 2002
Messages: 1179
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No Message Body
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Maybe take some time away from here ..
and re-think things over ..
Its hard to answer this because everyone handle things difference ..I would say do what make you happy and what make you feel safe ...
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e
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On fire! |
Location: currently So Cal
Registered: May 2002
Messages: 1179
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Sorry about that last one, I hit the wrong button.
I wanted to post an answer, but the more I try to write something that makes sense, the less sense I seem to make. I guess that I've just never really been too popular so dealing with it isn't something I've ever had to do. I've always felt like more of a ghost, someone who's there, but no one really ever notices much or would miss terribly if I was gone. For me, that's become quite comfortable. In fact, after thinking about it, I realize that I've become quite good at not becoming popular.
Think good thoughts,
e
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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By "popular" I don't mean "Wow, he;s great". I mean "I must talk to him because I so NEED him". Is a semi selfish popularity. Pedestalisation perhaps
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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e
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On fire! |
Location: currently So Cal
Registered: May 2002
Messages: 1179
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Oh! THAT kind of popular. How you deal with such a person can depend greatly on how you see your relationship. Encourage him to interact with others and to make other friends so he can get more than one opinion. Sometimes those who "NEED" that one person need him because they have no one else. If he isn't already here on the board, introduce him. If he finds more than one person to interact with, he won't be as demanding on each one of them.
As for yourself, just don't spend as much time online with this person. Don't allow him to take your time if you you don't have it to give. Pull back a little, keep reponses short and don't engage in chats and other such things. Tell him you have other things you must tend to. Be friendly about it, but be blunt if you must. You must keep your own peace of mind or you will be of no help to anyone.
Think good thoughts,
e
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