|
|
|
|
I have to tell you folks about a local news item makin news all over Ohio here ...
It seems that there is this "Three-legged Pig" that has become quite the celebrity.
Front-page stories in all the newpapers, and all, doncha know.
A Newsman, from our local all purposes channel, went out to the farmer's homestead - its just north of us here in Fostoria apparently ... and he asked the Farmer for the skinny about the "Pig".
Well it transpires that the pig is a bit a of a hero, and all ... or, so the Farmer tells it. It would seem that late fall the Farmers son had fallen into the pond in the middle of his nearest pasture, and was drowning. The pig raised such a ruckus that the Farmer came out to see what was going down, and was able to say his son's life.
But .. that's not all evidently, some weeks later the Farmer had had a fire in his barn, and again the pig raised the roof, so to speak, and the Farmer was able to save all hi horses.
The newsman was flabbergasted by all this, and sort of unexpectantly asked what the story was about his only having "three-legs".
The farmer responded, that in a situation like this, when you have a pig that was so remarkable as his was, it would be only natural ... that one would not want to eat him all at once.
To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Someone should really go thump this farmer guy in the face with a big fist, give him a black eye (or two). "Here son, it's the leg of the nice pig who helped save your life and all our horses. Now eat up! We'll have the rest of 'im later!"
Grrrr!
(Will be a slight problem to extract only a few pork chops or ribs, though...)
Thanks for that seriously weird story. 
-L
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
smith
|
 |
On fire! |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 1095
|
|
|
Whoaaaaaa! Do I hear the sound of 'Dueling Banjos' in the background? Poor Mr. Pig. Sounds like the pig is way smarter than the farmer.......cept for the leg thing.
I have a joke:
Three guys come to this magic cliff one day. How it works is very simple. You run up to the edge and jump off,yelling what you want to transform into.
The first guy runs, jumps and yells bird...he becomes this awesome cockatoo and flies away.
The second guy runs, jumps and yells fish......he becomes a beautiful sailfish and splashes into the ocean.
The third guy runs, trips over a rock and yells *shit*......
so bad you have to grin
JJ
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
e
|
|
On fire! |
Location: currently So Cal
Registered: May 2002
Messages: 1179
|
|
|
Sounds like that farmer was really hamming it up.
Think good thoughts,
e
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
These 2 blondes were walking down the street.
The one bends down and picks up a compact.
She opens it up and see's her reflection in it.
She says "Wow, where do I know this person from?"
The second blonde says "Here, let me see if I know them."
She opens it up, see's her reflection, and says "Dah, you idiot, it's me."
Brian
To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
e
|
|
On fire! |
Location: currently So Cal
Registered: May 2002
Messages: 1179
|
|
|
eww smith! That story had a rather fowl stench to it and I suspect is rather fishy.
Think good thoughts,
e
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
timmy
|
 |
Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
|
|
|
No Message Body
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
warren c. e. austin
|
 |
Likes it here |
Location: Toronto, Ontario, CANADA
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 247
|
|
|
No Message Body
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
This is getting hard to do, with my mind elsewhere. Let's see.
This guy is walking down the street with a little bag in his hand.
He keeps reaching in the bag, and then pops these little pills in his mouth.
A second guy watches this go on for a while, and finally has to know what is in the bag.
The second guy asks the first, "Hey, I've been watching you eat those all morning, What are they?"
The first guy replies, "There Smart Pills."
Second guy says, "Yeah right."
Fisrt guy replies, "Yeah they are, here try one."
The second guy reaches in the bag and pulls one out, looks at it, it's black, round, and looks like a pill. So he pops it in his mouth. He looks at the first guy and says, "Hey, these taste like rabbit poop."
The first guy just says, "See, your getting smarter all the time."
Brian
To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
smith
|
|
On fire! |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 1095
|
|
|
A high school English teacher reminded his class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack, serious personal injury or a death in the immediate family - but, that's it. No other excuses whatsoever."
A wise-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion."
The class snickered and laughed. The teacher smiled sympathetically, shook his head and said, "Nope. You'd just have to write the exam with your other hand."
JJ
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
You know, I can just hear a (male) teacher say something like that to a (male) student in such a situation; although I wonder if in this day and age the teacher would be able to get away with it.
Still, a VERY funny joke! Thanks, smith!!!
We do not remember days...we remember moments.
Cesare Pavese
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
No Message Body
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Darren
|
|
Likes it here |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 190
|
|
|
Here's a joke that my uncle use to tell:
There is this very pieceful and beautiful lake located in the forest. On this lake, there is a fly zooming around just above the water's surface. In the water, there is also this trout, who is watching the fly and thinking 'if that fly just comes down a bit more, I will have myself a meal'. Well, on the shore, there is this bear also watching the trout. He figures that if the fly come down, the trout will jump and get it and he will have dinner. In the forest too there is this hunter. He sees the bear and thinks 'if the fly comes down, the trout will jump, the bear will lurch and I will have a great shot at him'. This hunter also has a sandwich in his hand, and on the ground a mouse is waiting. He has it figured such that if the fly will drop, the trout will jump, the bear will lurch, the hunter will shoot and he will drop some of his sandwich and there is a meal to be had. Well, a cat is also nearby and he sees the mouse and thinks 'if the fly drops, the trout jumps, the bear lurches, the hunter shoots, and the mouse will be in the open, and I can fill my empty stomach'.
The big question is 'What is the morel of this very long winded story?'.
Now, look at the bottom:
When the fly comes down the pussy gets fed!
A very straight joke, but hopefully not too corney.
Darren
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Hey Darren,
I give, I can't top that one. It would take me forever to find a good one like that. Maybe I'll hear one soon, but for now, you got it.
Brian
To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
warren c. e. austin
|
|
Likes it here |
Location: Toronto, Ontario, CANADA
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 247
|
|
|
[Author's note: I sincerely hope, no-one will take offense at this, as it comes from a time that was not overly "politically correct", but none-the-less for it, if taken in the spirit intended, is quite humerous.]
It seems that not long ago, there was this fella stranded in the middle of the south Sahara - down in or near Mauritania, or somewhere like that (one's not easily able to tell for sure) - and he had been wandering about for more than two days and nearly at the end of his wits, or so it appeared, his Land Rover running out of gas and all, with him having no water, no food, no nothing.
We now find this fella crawling pitifully up a sand dune, pawing relentlessly through the sand trying to find enough purchase to drag himself up and over the top.
His hand stikes something firm - metallic and hollow sounding - with him immediately, and desparately, wishing it to be something to drink. After several near futile attempts to uncover the object he finally does, only to be confronted with what looks vaguely something like a "tea-pot".
Feverishly, and franticly he wipes the surface
>>>>> P O O F <<<<<
An apparition appears above him, saying
"Three wishes at your command, Master!"
The next to-all-but done in fella, astonished at what stood before him, uttered a plaintive cry
"Who, and what are you? And what the hell are you blathering about?"
To which the apparition replied
"For releasing me from the hell to which I've been imprisoned for these past several thousand years, I am prepared to grant you any three wishes that your heart desires."
The fella, hardly pausing long enough for a thought to gather between his ears, let alone linger there for any length of time, sputtered
"I want to 'White', 'Have and endless supply of water' and 'see plenty of ass'. Those are my three wishes."
The appariton averred
"You are certain about those wishes are you, Master? Once granted they cannot ever been undone. I urge you to give it some more care, consideration and thought before you again reply."
The nearly dead fella, almost on his last breath gasped
"No! They are what I most want, now give them to me."
The apparation threw his hands into the air, incanting something in a language unknown to the dying man and before his next blink of an eye ...
>>>>> P O O F <<<<<
The fella was turned into a "Toilet-bowl", with the apparition and the tea-pot having disappeared at one and the same time.
Warren C. E. Austin
Toronto, Ontario
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Okay, I just heard this one.
A little boy is riding his bike down the street, and this old man see's him carrying something. The old man yells "hey there youngen, watch you got with ya." The boy replies with "Duck Tape." The old man asks "what are you going to do with that, which get a reply of "I'm going to catch a duck." The old man just giggles and says "okay, we'll see, good luck."
About an hour later he sees this boy riding back the other way with a duck under his arm, and just smiles about it.
The next day, this little boy is riding his bike down the street again, and he's carrying something, and the old man has to find out again, so he asks. The boy replies "it's a cat tail, i'm going to catch a cat." the old man replies "okay, we'll see, good luck."
Again, about an hour later, the little boy goes riding by carrying a cat under his arm.
The next day, this little boy is riding his bike down the street again, and he's carrying something again. The old man asks as usual, and the boy replies "it's a pussy willow".
The old man says. "Hold on, I'm coming with you this time."
Brian
To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.
|
|
|
|
|
Goto Forum:
|
] 
A Place of Safety
Search
Help
Register
Login
Home
Here's a funny for everyone. (keep up smith) 
smith keeping up ! 
Re: Here's a funny for everyone. (keep up smith) 
GEEZ. *Groans* *Laughs ass off* That was a BAAAD one! *laughs more* 
