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Steve
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Really getting into it |
Location: London, England
Registered: November 2006
Messages: 465
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I have a friend, also a regular visitor to this MB. Like most of us he is not a hot beauty, and he is a very decent person. There was someone he was very interested in, but this someone turned out not to be gay (though they will continue to be friends). My friend leads a very busy, but uninspiring, life and has very little time for relaxation and socializing. He is also excruciatingly shy. He is very lonely, and has reached an age when all of us who are unhitched are looking for 'that someone'. He cannot take my advice to visit gay clubs because the nearest one is a long way from where he lives and because he is occupied with his business affairs until a late hour 7 days a week.
Please try to relate to this question seriously - and remember that he will be reading what you write: what would be the most effective ways for my friend go about finding a nice person to share his life with?
Believe me: he is worth your attention.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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http://www.planetout.com is a place that holds loads of adverts. I'd suggest something along these lines:
"I'm a pretty normal guy. I'm not "gay acting" or "Straight acting", I'm just me. If I were straight I’d be a family man, but I happen not to be straight. Doesn’t mean I wouldn't like kids, though.
I am average looking, determined enough to have made some sensible changes to my lifestyle, gentle, shy, and not a "life and soul of the party" type unless I've had a couple of beers. I'm out to selected friends, but see being gay as a small part of who I am.
I'm very much looking to meet someone who will start as a friend. I don’t kiss on the first date anyway. How it develops from friendship depends how we develop in liking each other.
I'm active in the community, and have a pretty busy work life. But for the right guy, well, who wouldn’t cut back on other commitments?"
Of course, you have to filter the replies well and carefully, and you may feel allergic to such a service, but it works. It really works.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Unhitched, but not by choice. 
-L
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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Darren
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Likes it here |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 190
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The internet may be his best approach. However, I have seen this with straight friends. If your job is taking up your whole life, then it can be very difficult to find anyone, as there is no time. Few people are being happy just getting 1/2 hr appointments at a time.
I think your friend has to look at why he is so busy with his job and ask some questions?
a) Does working so much make him happy or is he trying to keep himself busy enough so the thought of not having a partner does not enter his mind. When I was single I did this.
b) Does he need the money or can he hire someone to help himout at the cost of making less money
c) Could he get/do the same job in a place that there were more gay people?
People that are obsessed by their work are not always as exciting as those who have hobbies (now I am not saying that your friend is obsessed nor that he does not have any hobbies) because I don't know him. Rather, I am just making a statement.
What I am trying to say is MAYBE more changes are needed than just going to the right place to find someone.
More that you probably wanted to know,
Darren
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I am pretty sure I know of whom you speak here and I know him to be a good person. I dont know him well but have chatted a lot to him. What else can I say that doesnt sound patronizing.
I am not in the position that some guys here find themselves in. At only 19, I have not been around long enough to know the empty lonely feeling and the lack of love for some. My life has been filled lately with caring family and friends and I am finding that the more I open to them the less lonley I feel.
I dont have a magic panacea nor do I have someone in reserve to direct these guys (and Girls) to. All I can offer is my love and support and a fervent wish that soon, a wonderful person will come along to fill their lives with happiness. I can say one thing my Dad told me though, dont turn someone away when they hold their hand out in friendship because they arent a love object. I guess he meant try hard not to look at EVERYONE as a potential Lover of partner.
If anyone NEEDS help and Love and cant find enuf, ask me and The Roos can always be despatched anywhere in the world to help calm your fears ok?? I dont say this to be funny or to lessen the importance of the lonely feelings you have but because I hope it will at LEAST make you smile for 60 seconds ok??
Ashley D
People have a habit of changing your direction through life
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Steve
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Really getting into it |
Location: London, England
Registered: November 2006
Messages: 465
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I am very happy (and proud) to thank you all for your comments. My friend has solved his problem by himself (along the lines suggested by timmy) - and his effort has already borne fruit. Even if this particular cutie (HIS word ) doesn't work out, he now knows that he need never be alone again.
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