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brian
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Toe is in the water |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 60
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hi
i'm surprised i even remembered the password. well here i am, welcome me with open arms now...no that's ironic.
actually i'm only stopping by...in case someone remembers me...i've been wandering about on this messageboards before i decided that i felt more comfortable elsewhere. and revised my decision a few times and well, have spent my time online in the same places for quite a while now, i believe.
but i thought i could be polite. and say hello. i don't expect anyone to jump up and down, i'm not worth that really, but it's bad conscience, i guess, that makes me do it. although it's common strategy online, i believe, to simply leave without a word.
i'm back here because i was reminded of this world. a member of one of teh boards i am on posted about Justin's death. I didn't even know he knew him, I didn't even know he has been, must have been in this world more or less, but it pulled me back a bit. made me re-think a few things.
i'm not going to go back to posting here regularly, but i am still okay. i wanted you to know that.
I haven't changed much in the past, i believe. i'm still pretty much the same person who is liked by some, hated by others (especially for comments criticizing certain politics). I'm still a guy...or at least almost, so i still feel that way, i still feel the same way about certain kinds of sex (do i need to elaborate?) and i'm doing all in all okay.
i have no idea whether i was still posting here when the last significant changes happened, but i have been seeing a psych for about a year now and she is quite good. it's merely counseling and i get to know stuff about myself. i wouldn't want more than that, i suppose and more than that wouldn't go all that fine with me, but i'm feeling good, being able to talk to someone who'll just listen. In friendships you are part of something, in friendships it's giving and taking and that's quite alright like that. but i guess it feels good that there is a way where you're allowed to merely spill everything onto the therapist and he doesn't expect something back. the sessions are sometimes real good, sometimes draining, sometimes shit, truth can hurt, you know.
i'm not out to my parents a d it also won't happen for quite soem time, but i'm out to all of my close friends. all of them accept it and really get used to the idea as they're now becoming comfortable with it, can joke about it and remember it actually.
as i said...i'm okay. there are periods that are real sucky, there are times that i'm pretty much seriously depressed, can't sleep, don't eat, feel like everything's useless, self-harm can become a topic then, but those times are rare.
i have more or less given up writing real long stories or novels because i know that i usually don't manage it. It's okay to start but i simply don't have the will to concentrate on one chapter for hours. short stories are cool as is poetry and again also plays. as for reading...i have gone back to my beginning and read a lot of fanfiction online....X-files fanfiction, slash of course which is highly interesting...and real hot.  many of these writers like to write about the sort of variety of sex i like so it's highly interesting and entertaining.
so all in all....i'm a healthy young man i guess. I'm sad that I have lost contact to some people (two) from here (from this world) who i was close too, both is my fault i guess...one is Torry...does anyone know where he is or what he is doing? I know it was his birthday two days ago and the other one is Wolfgang but I don't expect you know him, he is a very shy man. I'm really sad I lost these two, but that's me i guess.  i can be very damn lazy with relationships.
as i said, bad conscience, so that's why i wrote this post, to wave hello to those that remember me and well...my e-mail address is still the same and maybe i'd even manage a decent e-mail convo with someone, anyone if you'd like. open for all sorts of talks...as much as time allows. reminds me, an older friend of mine told me that i should go out and get myself a cyber lover so i wouldn't be so lonely...hehe...this is no ad. 
good night everyone. i hope my appearance here isn't disturbing the natural flow too much...but then, i don't believe i have such an impact.
love,
brian
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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Every so often we wondered, well I wondered, hwo oyu were. It's good to see you haven't changed, and are getting to grips with things.
Not many of us have changed. A few new people joined, a few vanished. Life is like that. Another Brian is here, too. That should confuse everyone who doesn't check your email address.
Now stop being so self effacing. The door here is always open. Come and go as you please, and make this place one of your online homes if you wish.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Hiya,
Well, first off, I'd like to say that it isn't the size of the impact that matters, Brian, it's the impact itself. You may no know it, but there are people here who are affected by you in little ways, and each of those adds a little flavor, a little color, a little sound and motion to our lives. Earth shattering things are exciting for only a short while, until they become the norm. It's the little changes that sneak up on you until you notice them that affect the most profound moments. Don't go letting us down by thinking that you don't make an impact just because the earth doesn't move. I've tried moving the earth a few times, and let me tell you, the damned thing is stuck in park!
And, as with anything else in this life, change is inevitable, whether in people or things. Perhaps your friends that haven't posted in a while have moved on to other areas of the world. Perhaps they were just waiting for you. I don't know the answer here. But what I do know is this: no matter where you go, there you are! Keep your eyes up, Brian, things may not get better or they may not get worse, but one thing is always certain, it will be terribly interesting .
So keep trying to make those changes, Brian. I understand some of what you are going through, and I'll bet there are others here who do as well.
Cya
D'Artagnon
It's not the wolf you see you should fear, but all the ones he howls with. Don't be afraid of the song, but don't piss off the choir.
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I could not possibly say it as well as D'Artagnon did. Thank you. You summed up my feeling exactly.
And Brian, I hope you did not mean me when you made the political reference. I DO NOT HATE ANY OF YOU!!!
Just covering that base, and I don't see a lot of HATE here anyway. Tiff's, fights, argument, debates ..... sure. Just like any good family. But I keep my family in my heart always. Without you (all of you) I am not sure where I would be today.
Brian, your life is a gift to the rest of the world. We are all blessed to have come in contact with yours.
Hugs,
Kevin
"Be excellent to each other, and, party on dudes"!
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trevor
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Really getting into it |
Registered: November 2002
Messages: 732
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It was only a week or two ago that i asked, "Where's brian - the lower case one with the pink stick figure?" Heh heh. Good to see ya.
I'll send you an e-mail with Torry's address - hasn't changed - still wolfie something - and he's still a cantakerous but loveable critter. Posted an ad for wolf piss in a can, presumeably to keep small animals off your farm or something like that - now it's gone to his head! j/k
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brian!! Hiya!! Glad to hear that you're still around and posting here and there.
Never mind about the frequency of staying in touch. Hope all is well.
"Always forgive your enemies...nothing annoys them quite so much." Oscar Wilde
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Hey Brian.
This is neat typing a post to myself. I don't think I've ever seen a post from you here. So since your new to me, Welcome. I see Timmy already mentioned me, so I figured I'd better say Hi to myself. hehehehe. Sorry for the humor, I've been in a good mood. (I know that's rare, so right it down)
Well, my email is here too, so just don't get us confused.
Laters....
Brian
To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.
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