Male Masturbation !!!

Everybody does it, but what do ya call it!!!!

Answer the Bone-A-Phone

Assault on a Friendly Weapon

Backstroke Roulette

Baiting your Hook

Batting Practice

Bash The Candle

Beat Off

Beating the Bait

Beating the Bishop

Beating the Dummy

Beating the Snake

Beating the Stick (Please no more "beat")

Beating your Meat

Being your Own Best Friend

Bleed the Weed

Blow Your Load

Bludgeon the Beefsteak

Boppin' your Bologna

Box the Jesuit (16th-17th century!)

Buckin' it

Buffing the Banana

Buffing the Wood

Burping the Worm

Butter Your Corn

Calling Down For More Mayo

Calling All Cum

Carrying Weight

Cast Off

Changing your Oil

Charm the Cobra

Choaking Charlie 'till He Throws Up

Choke the Serriff and Wait for the Posse to Come

Choke Kojak

Choke your Chicken

Civil War

Cleaning out your Rope

Clean the Pipes

Clean your Rifle

Clubbing Eddy

Couch Hockey for One

Cracking the Fat

Crank the Shank

Cranking

Cranking For Cum

Crown the King

Cuff the Carrot

Cuffing the Puppy

Cum The Scum

Custer's Last Stand

Date Miss Michigan

Date Mother Palm and Her Five Daughters

Devil's Handshake (Catholic School)

Diddle

Dishonorable Discharge

Disseminating

Doddle Whacking

Doodle Your Noodle

Do The Dew

Drain the Dragon

Drain the Monster

Drain the Vein

Dropping A Line

Dropping Stomach Pancakes

Firm Your Worm

Fist Fuck

Fist your Mister

Five Against One

Five Finger Knuckle Shuffle

Five Knuckle Olympics

Flogging Your Dong

Flogging Your Log

Flute Solo

Flying a Kite

Fondle the Fig

Freeing the Willies

Frigging the Love Muscle (British)

Gallop the Antelope

Gallop the Maggot

Getting In Touch With Your Manhood

Getting In Touch With Yourself

Getting to Know Yourself Personally in the "Biblical Sense"

Getting Your Caps Peeled

Giving it a Tug

Giving the John Hancock

Grease the Pipe

Greasing your Bone

Hack the Hog

Ham Shank

Hand Job

Hands on Training

Hand to Gland Combat

Hand Work

Having a Roy (Australian)

Have it Off

Have One Off the Wrist

Hitchhike Under the Big Top

Hitching to Heaven

Hit the Ham

Holding All The Cards

Holding Your Sausage Hostage

Hone your Bone

Hump your Fist

Hump your Hose

Humpin' Air

Ironing Some Wrinkles

Jack Hammer

Jack Off

Jackin'

Jackin' the Beanstalk

Jag Off

J Arthur Rank (British rhyming slang - wank)

Jazz Yourself

Jelly Roll

Jenny Macarthy Jaunt

Jerk Off

Jerk the Gherkin

Jerk the Johnson

Jiggle the Jewelry

Jimmying your Joey

Killing the Beast

Knock the Top Off

Knuckle Shuffle on your Piss Pump

Launching the Hand Shuttle

Leakin' the Main Drain

Loping your Mule

Making the Bald Guy Puke

Making Nut Butter

Making Yogurt

Mangle the Midget

Manipulate the Mango

Manual Override

Masonic Secret Self Handshake

Massage your Muscle

Massage your Purple-Headed Warrior

Measuring For Condoms

Meeting with Palmala Handerson

Milking the Bull

Milking the Lizard

Milking the Monkey

Milkywaying

Moulding Hot Plastic

Nerk your Throbber

Oil the Glove

Oiling The Pogo Stick

One Handed Clapping

One Man Show

One Man Tug-O-War

Pack your Palm

Paddle the Pickle

Paint the Pickle

Pain the Walls

Pam Anderson Polka

Pat the Robertson

Peel Some Chilis

Peel the Banana

Peel the Carrot

Petting Your Dog

Playing With Dick

Playing With Susi Palmer and her five friends

Playing With Your Noodle

Play Pocket Pool

Play the Organ

Play the Pisser

Play the Piss Pipe

Play the Skin Flute

Play the Stand-Up Organ

Playing With the Snake

Playing Your Instrument

Play With Yourself

Plunk your Twanger

Pocket Pinball

Pocket Pool

Polish the Chrome Dome

Polish the Rocket

Polish the Sword

Polish your Bayonet

Polish your Helmet

Polish your Piece (please - no more polish euphamisms)

Popping the Porpoise

Popping The Purple Pimple

Pound Off

Pound Your Flounder

Pound Your Piss Pump

Pounding your Pud

Pudwhacking

Pud Wrestling

Puddin'

Pull the Root

Pulling The Wire

Pulling Your Goalie

Pull Off

Pulling The Piss Pump

Pull the Pole

Pull the Pope

Pull Your Pud

Pull your Taffy

Pumping For Pleasure

Pumping For Power

Pump the Python

Punchin' The Clown

Punchin' The Munchkin

Punishing Percy

Punishing the Bishop

Ram the Ham

Ride the Great White Knuckler

Rolling The Fleshy Blunt

Roman Helmet Rhumba

Ropin' the Long Horn

Rope the Pony

Roughing up the Suspect

Rounding Up the Tadpoles

Routin' for the Yankees

Rub One Out

Rub the Unicorn's Horn

Runka (Swedish)

Scraping Your Carrot

Scratching the Itch

Seasonin' Your Meat

See Mrs. Palmer & Five Daughters

Self Love

Sending out the Troops

Shaking Hands With Abe Lincoln (Please - no more "Shaking Hands")

Shaking Hands With the Governor

Shaking Hands With Shorty

Shaking Hands With the Unemployed

Shake the Snake

Shifting Gears

Shine Your Pole

Shining The Helmet

Shooting Enemies

Shooting Putty at the Moon

Shooting Sherman

Shucking Bubba

Slam the Hammer

Slammin' the Salami

Slappin' Pappy

Slapping the Clown

Slap Boxing the One-Eyed Champ

Slap My Happy Sacks

Slap the Salami

Slapping the Cyclops (Please - no more "Slapping")

Slapping your Chub

Slinging Jelly

Sloppy Joe's Last Stand

Sloppy Sign Language

Stroke the Stallion

Smacking your Sister

Snap the Monkey

Snap the Whip

Snapping Your Carrot

Spank the Frank

Spank your Monkey

Spear Chucking

Spreading the Mayo

Spunk the Monk

Squeeze the Cream From the Flesh Twinkie

Squeeze the Lemon

Squeezing the Tube of Tooth Paste

Squeezing the Burrito

Staff Meeting

Stall Clapping

Stir the Soup

Stroke Off

Stroking It

Stroking your Goat

Stroke your Poker

Taking a Shake Break

Tame the Wild Hog

Tap the Turkey

Tease the Python

Tease the Weasle

Tenderize the Meat

The Erky Jerk

The Sticky Page Rhumba

Threading a Needle

Throw off a Batch

Throwin' Down

Thump the Pump

Tickle the Elmo

Tickle the Pickle

Toss Off

Toss the Boss

Toss the Turkey

Tugging your Tapioka Tube

Tugging your Toobsteak/Toobsnake

Tug of War with Cyclops

Tuning the Antenna

Turning Japanese (UK - one step beyond wanking)

Tussle with Your Muscle

Unwapping the Pepperoni

Varnishing the Cane

Wailing

Walk the Dog

Walking Willie the One Eyed Wonder Worm

Wank (British)

Waxing the Dolphin

Wax your Jackson

Wax your Weasel

Wax your Willy

Whack Off

Whack Your Tack

Whip the Dummy

Whip your Dripper

Whipping the One-Eyed Wonder Weasle

Whipping the Pony

Whipping the Window Washer

White Water Wristing

Whizzin' Jizzim

Wiggling your Worm

Winding the Jack In The Box

Wonk your Conker

Working a Cramp out of your Muscle

Working your Willy

Wrestling the Eel

Wring Out your Rope

Wring Your Thing

Yahtzee

Yank My Doodle (It's a Dandy)

Yank Off

Yank the Yodle (submitter says it's a black guy thing - will somebody please explain this one to me)

Yank your Crank

Anteater

Bald-Headed Mouse

Baloney

Baloney Pony

Big Jim and The Twins

Blue-veined Throbber

Boner

Boneroni

Boss and His Two Helpers

Bush Whacker

Cavity Probe

Charles the Bald

Chub

Chubby

Crankshaft

Crotch Rocket

Diamond Cutter

Dick

Dipstick

Dong

Donut Holder

Dork

Fat Frank

Firm Worm

Flagpole

Fred

Gherkin

Gnarled Root of Love

Hammer

Hard Salami

Hard On

Hat Rack

Heat Seeking Moisture Missile

Horny

Hugen

Jackhammer

Jacktool

Jean Tent

Jimmy

Johnson

John Thomas (British)

Joystick

Kielbasa

Little Elvis

Louisville Slugger

Long Dong

Main Vein

Mallet

Manbone

Meat Whistle

Missile

Monkey

Morning Wood

Mr. Big

Mr. Blue Vein

Mr. Friendly

Mr. Happy

Muff Missile

Oblisk

Old One-Eye

Omar the Tent Maker

One Eyed Trouser Snake

One Eyed Whale

Pecker

Pecker Wood

Pedro

Pee/Piss Hard

Penisnake Looking for Cuntcealment

Pestle

Peter

Piledriver

Pitch a Tent

Poker

Pole

Prick

Prod

Pud

Purple Headed Meat Puppet

Purple Headed Warrior

Purple Helmeted Yogurt Thrower

Purple Lollipop (submitted by a woman!!!)

Pussy Plunger

Ram Charger

Ramrod

Randy

Red Lobster

Rock Formation

Rod

Rosy Red Reproductive Rod

Rudder (swimmers)

Salami

Salty Dog

Sausage

Schlong

Schmeegle

Schwanz (Yiddish)

Shaft

Skin Flute

Snotty

Spitfire

Spooge Gun

Sporting Some Wood

Spurm Gun

Stag

Stanley (The Power Drill)

Stickshift

Stiff Peter

Stiffy

Stout Warrior

Sylvan (woody)

Superdick (Dick of Steel)

Sword

Tallywhacker

Tentpole

The King's Iron (Stephen King)

Throbbing Python of Love (Robbin Williams)

Throb Knob

Tonsil Wrench

Toobsnake (ZZ Top!!!)

Toobsteak

Tool

Towel Rack

Trouser Trout

Trouser Worm

Twig and Berries

Turkey Baster

Uncle Jim and the Twins at Attention

Vein Laden Meatpipe

Wanker

Willy

Willy the Burping Worm

Womb Cannon

Womb Ferret

Wonger

Wonk Your Dong

Woodrow Wilson

Woody

Woody Johnson

Worm with a Nazi Helmet