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Maybe there'll be an occasion when you're searching for just the "right" thing to say. Some of these may be helpful, and then again, some of them should probably be on a permanent "no-say" list.
1. Ahhh...I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again...
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
10. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. No, my powers can only be used for good.
24. You sound reasonable... Time to up the medication.
25. Who me? I just wander from room to room
26. And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be...?
27. Do I look like a people person?
28. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
29. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
31. You!... Off my planet!
32. Does your train of thought have a caboose?
33. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
34. A PBS mind in an MTV world.
35. Allow me to introduce my selves.
36. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
37. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
38. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
40. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
41. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
42. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
43. Can I trade this job for what's behind door 1?
44. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
45. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
46. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
47. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
48. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted the
paychecks.
49. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
50. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
"Always forgive your enemies...nothing annoys them quite so much." Oscar Wilde
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Hehehe way cool David I like 31 and 46
46. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
31. You!... Off my planet! (that is my all time favorite) -- jots it down on the inside of notebooks, just to use on some 'friends' later muahahahaha 
thanks for the happy post David
peace and trees
~aNDy
Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?
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smith
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On fire! |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 1095
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There are quite a few I'd like to use on my teachers !!
"Thank you - we're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view!!"
"Does your train of thought have a caboose?"
Good Ones !
smith
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smith
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On fire! |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 1095
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If you would like to know your Middle earth names, I found a generator:
This is me.......
In Middle Earth, I am an Adventurous Healer.
My Elven name is Mitharato.
My Hobbit name is Meriadoc Took from Binbale Wood.
My Dwarven name is Groin Musiclaughter.
My Orkish name is Gormazh the Choker.
http://humor.about.com/library/ds/blds012103.htm
I really am fascinated by the Groin Musiclaughter >>giggle<<
iemaJ
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trevor
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Really getting into it |
Registered: November 2002
Messages: 732
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No Message Body
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So, as you proapbly gathered from the topic, I'm an Illiterate Cave-Troll...
Elven Name: Enlanthir
Hobbit Name: Rudigar Hilldweller from Deephallow
Dwarven Name: Ori Thunderfury
Orc Name: Skaiukh the Wicked
But on a bright side, dwarves seem to be the first race without any gender discrimination at all, since the same name is suited for males and females... 
Setras
PS. A kind Thank You for the wonderfull passerby, who agreed to type this all for me!
That which is dreamed can never be lost, can never be undreamed.
-Master Li in Neil Gaiman's Sandman
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a Amorous Black Rider. Yuck...
But Elvish sounds nicer...Ringmelien. (A new kind of fruit, perhaps?)
Hobbit name...Halfred Bushey from Newbury (which I'll have to look up on my map of the Shire...)
Dwarven...Lor Clayleg
Orkish...Grottakh the Despoiler.
Hmmm...it'll be at least 54 days until I get to despoil anybody worth mentioning...hehehehehehe
"Always forgive your enemies...nothing annoys them quite so much." Oscar Wilde
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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1.. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
2.. If it's really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.
3.. Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.
4.. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don't open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lose all use of my limbs.
5.. If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is the priority. I am psychic.
6.. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.
7.. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.
8.. If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.
9.. If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.
10.. Never introduce me to the people you're with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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No Message Body
That which is dreamed can never be lost, can never be undreamed.
-Master Li in Neil Gaiman's Sandman
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Let's Once Again Lighten the Mood 
Hahaha !! 
Thanks for the smiles, guys - they are appreciated! 
Mind if an Illiterate Cave-Troll joins you on your adventures? 
