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smith
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On fire! |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 1095
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I found this rock, tiny and smooth, with purple and gold streaks running though it. I washed it and rubbed it clean and wanted to give it to a good friend, hoping it would make him smile. It was nothing but it was kind of...something.
I gave it to him, he looked at it funny, said thanks and then when he left, I found it laying on the table by his chair.
Why do little things like that hurt? It was just a rock, no big deal. I have it sitting here on my computer with some other stones that I love.
Do you ever just live inside your head, in your imagination because what's outside kinda hurts sometimes?
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I have one right here that's shaped like a tiny little runestone or something, a kind of dinosaur tooth-shape to it. I found it at the cement wall below my apartement complex the graffitti kids use to do their scrawlings/artwork on. I don't really like that they get to use that wall (it's like only one of two places in the entire city where it's legal for them to paint), not because I'm turning into a geezer who hates youth culture, no.
It's because they don't just paint on the cement wall they're allowed to use, they paint the adjacent brick wall too, and the bedrock beneath their feet, and the treetrunks of the grove along the wall AND the leaves too, and they toss used spraycans and plastic caps all over the place, and beer bottles and candy wrappers and potato chip bags and all kinds of shit, it almost looks like a garbage dump there. Well, not quite that bad, but some of them totally lack respect. Here they're given a place to use as their own, and they abuse that gift.
That's pretty tragic I think!
Anyway, what I was gonna say is, I found this little rock on top of that cement wall, it's maybe six centimeters tall, and the square-ish base maybe two and a half at most on the side, and it's all spray-painted in really beautiful colors in a really thin layer just covering it, not smeared at all.
One side is dark pink/purple with tiny yellow sprinkles all over it and some larger spots of yellow. The other side is shiny metallic. The last side is deep sea blue with metallic shining through it. On the bottom there is that pink/purple color, intermixed with more blue. Everything fades smoothly into each other, there are no sharp borders at all...
All of the stone is painted, there's not a bared spot on it anywhere, and it looks really pretty. I don't know who made it and left it there, but it's mine now. I like to think it was done just for fun, maybe using up the last of the paint in a couple spraycans. Someone just doodling sort of, on that small rock, without much thought about it, no real purpose.
Well, it's got purpose now, because I like it...
I don't touch it, because that causes small flakes to rub off it, and I don't want to ruin the pretty finish. I keep it in my bookshelf, the bookshelf I rescued from the 'anxiety factory' a couple years ago, the shelf that was all dusty and grimy and covered with pidgeon droppings, sitting on a wall in a room where everything else had been stolen, smashed or otherwise ruined, waiting for maybe ten years or more for me to come and find it and bring it back home with me.
They are a good match for each other I think! Both with their scars and their memories embedded in them. A bit worn, yet beautiful all the same.
A tiny small oval black rock sits in the soap depression of my sink in the bathroom. I found it somewhere and brought it home, for no real reason. Now I don't want to move it. It's home is here with me, it belongs there on my sink. I think it likes sitting there. I see it every day, sometimes without noticing it, sometimes I give it a thought or two. We like each other, and we don't get on each other's nerves.
To some of us, rocks means a lot. If someone doesn't appreciate what the rock means to us, we get frustrated, sometimes angry or upset. It's important to notice though, that those people don't mean to upset us, they just haven't learned to appreciate the inner beauty of the rock, the feelings it can invoke in us.
Sometimes we might give a rock to someone in order to tell something else we wanted to say, but for some reason can't. It's those times it hurts the most when the gift is not appreciated.
I wish I had someone right now I could give a rock to. Just to see how it would be received. 
Take care, JJ.
It's not bad to live in your head sometimes, just as long as you remember to come out sometimes and appreciate what you do have.
Hugs:
-L
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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Yup...I DO know exactly how that would have felt for me.
I'm sorry that you're hurtin' right now...
But you're not the kind of guy that stays inside his head for too long, right? That would isolate you and make things worse as the days turned into weeks and then months...
I collect stones, too. Packing them up, in fact, so they don't get missed or over-looked by the moving guys!
"Always forgive your enemies...nothing annoys them quite so much." Oscar Wilde
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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Quite often I just prefer to live inside my head. To live inside a fantasy world, or live just on the internet. It's safe and everyone loves me if I want them to. I think that's why a lot of us here are online so often, we don't want to step too far out into the real world, because there we can get hurt and a lot of us have been hurt a lot before.
As for your rock, I'm not sure what I would have done with it. On the one hand it sounds very pretty and I do love just looking at the patterns and textures of nice rocks, but on the other hand I try as much as possible not to be a "horder", if something doesn't have a use in the immediate future, I toss it. All things considered, I'm sure I'd take your rock, admire it for a while, then maybe forget about it and next time I tidied my room I'd get rid of it. Still, at the time I'd show appreciation and enjoy the simple beauty of it, surely when someone has made an effort to give it to me, they must obviously have thought it something special.
Anyway, as usual I'm being too long winded. But in closing, sorry about your friend forgetting your rock, maybe he just values things differently.
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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smith
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On fire! |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 1095
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"We get hurt and we've been hurt alot already" True......
It wasn't the stupid rock really. I guess I'm just going through one of those stupid kid things where nothing seems to fit and no one seems to see me. I've hidden secrets for so many years that like someone close to me said once, "You've got skeletons in your closet locked away with a key and you're so afraid that someone will find out that you've trapped yourself in there with them."
Don't mind me......just a bad weekend.
smith
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e
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On fire! |
Location: currently So Cal
Registered: May 2002
Messages: 1179
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Unless 44 year old kids go through it too. Far too often I find myself retreating to my imagination because it is better and/or safer than reality. And as for those skeletons... The skeletons I keep in my closet keep skeletons in their closets.
Not long ago I "rented" my 12 year old nephew to help me move. I asked him if he wanted to help and he was very eager even though I offered him no money. At the end of the day I gave him $20 and asked if he'd like to help some more the next day. He agreed and since it was spring break his father gave him permission. I had intended to keep him one day, but we spent so much time screwing around that it took two days to complete one day's work. In the meantime, I offered to take him to see a Dodger game. The offer had nothing to do with the work he was doing, I just know that he likes baseball. When I called his father to arrange transportation home, his father turned it into a dispute over money. He accused me of trying to take advantage of his son because I wasn't paying as much per day for the second two days. It didn't matter that we didn't work nearly as hard in those second two days combined as we had the first day alone. It didn't matter that I had taken him for smoothies, sodas, ice cream, and cooked him a steak dinner (all his other meals too). It didn't matter that I had taken him to a Dodger game (about a $60 endeavor). All that mattered was that I owed his son $40.
I never intended to take advantage of anyone. I intended to pay what I thought the job was worth even if none of us mentioned money. And I intended to show the kid a good time by buying him treats and taking him places and doing things he would not normally get to do. The things his father said hurt so much that I retreated into my fantasy world for the next several days to excape the pain. What brought me out was a family get together the next weekend when the kid greeted me with a big hug and couldn't stop talking about the ballgame to his cousins.
Look at it this way. Your friend accepted the gift even though he may not have wanted it. He was polite about it even if he wasn't particularly bright about it. I know this stuff hurts even though it's not a big deal. Little things have a way of becoming bigger things.
Think good thoughts,
e
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smith I would have been honored to have gotten a rock from you. *Hugs* Im sorry he coudln't appreciate it. I collect sea shells. My friends used to not understand why I would give them the sea shell and would usually just toss it aside in a drawer or out in a garden somewhere. Now when I give it to them I tell them a story to go with it becuase tehn when they see their shell they think of my story and it gives them a reaosn to admire the shell.
I am always living in my head. I should come out of it more often but it is so much more pelasant up here then it is out there with everyone else. Feel Better please smith
Peace and Trees
~Andy
Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?
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Alma
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Getting started |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 16
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Don´t let it take you down. Sometimes people can´t help but do some things that make us feel bad. It´s really difficult for some people to focus on someone else that´s not his or her own self, you know, put themselves in other´s shoes. We can´t change it. But we can change the way we react to it, we can choose to not let it bother us much. I hope you feel better and soon, cause you´re such a great person and you´re friends want to know you´re happy. Love much. Your friend, Alma.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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I mean that is one way of looking at it, but not easy to do. I'd have taken the rock, and held it, and felt the warmth of the gift even if I might not have understood the thing the gift came with.
Don't know what to say, not really.
I lived inside my head from the age of 13. And as a kid I lived in it in "kid places" too. I finally managed to get outside my self imposed prison a couple of years ago. It's harsher on the outside, and doesnt; seem as safe. BUT it is better and safer.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Some random (but hopefully germane) thoughts on that "sigh":
From the way it was described (and I'm sure it was described perfectly), that stone was indeed a thing of beauty which you instinctively wanted to share with somebody else. If that somebody else was, for whatever reason, incapable of seeing and appreciating that beauty, it was not due to any selfishness on your part (quite the opposite, obviously); and it in no way diminishes the beauty of that stone (or of your generosity in wanting to share it in the first place).
OK, it may not be "the stupid rock"; but it is certainly not "one of those stupid kid things" either. It's only natural to feel "out of it" when it seems nobody understands you (no matter how old you are). Have you ever stopped to think, though, that it might very well be they who are truly "out of it"?
We all have "closeted skeletons"; and while there are those who would say they are of our own making, the fact they exist at all is so often due to that very misunderstanding on their part.
As I said, it was your instincts that guided you to giving that stone to that person. It may seem that your instincts let you down, but that's really not the case. After all, if that person had indeed seen the same thing in that stone that you did (which, believe it or not, is entirely possible), then you would have felt good for having shared it (as well you should) rather than the way you feel about it now (in either event, it would be that other person who would be responsible for bringing on those feelings, whatever they may be).
Trust your instincts. They have a track record that simply can't be beat.
We do not remember days...we remember moments.
Cesare Pavese
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It's kinda weird how people all too often appreciate gifts only if they're worth something. Like your rock, it in itself isn't worth much, but the idea behind it is. And it would've been worth the smile it was intended to get...
And you feeling like that isn't just a kid thing, or, like e said, older kids get it just as well. Somedays things just seem not-right. But I hope it blows away
{{{hugs}}}
Setras
That which is dreamed can never be lost, can never be undreamed.
-Master Li in Neil Gaiman's Sandman
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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please find that special rock and touch it to your heart.keep it near you at night.when you meet that special someone,they and they alone will be ready to recieve that special gift.please dont let the fear of rejection cloud your path.know that you are special...rob
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When people are trite about petty things it hurts, and especially when it comes to family. Family's supposed to stick together, not blame each other.
It's too bad your nephew's father is so unappreciative, that really sucks. The important thing though is you tried, you did well, and your nephew's enthusiasm must have been a big reward for you.
Hugs:
-L
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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Perhaps one way to think about this is that perhaps he forgot it. Sometimes, the little things slip through the cracks, become lost and are forgotten. Could be the case with this rock. It's value may not have diminished, smith, but its immediacy seems to have. An unfortunate, but common event in life with the little things.
Like a lot of us out there, I also think of rocks as important, even the little ones. My niece always drags me over to the gemstone display at the bookstore, for example, and we spend several minutes sifting through the good ones. I have a few that I found there, that I keep and pour my intentions into and give to special people. A gift of more than just mineral value, but of some value I place in each one.
Maybe your friend just needs to be made aware of the value the rock has for you. Sharing that feeling might open his eyes to the wonder and beauty within it. To steal a concept from my own stories, we all fight over Glamour, but we don't often have the intuition to perceive it properly.
Open your pal's eyes to what you gave him. Make that connection and perhaps that rock, that stone that you put so much effort into, will finally realize the thought and emotion you poured into it.
It's not the wolf you see you should fear, but all the ones he howls with. Don't be afraid of the song, but don't piss off the choir.
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tim...of usa
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Likes it here |
Location: buffalo, new york...USA
Registered: July 2002
Messages: 266
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maybe just maybe that rock was ment to be yours and not his...you found it... you cleaned it... you gave it worth.
so maybe just maybe a power greater then all of us decided that you should have that rock and not your friend.
the awesome part about life is that no matter what the issue there is always a better way of looking at things. be hurt over the rejection of your gift or rejoice in the gift that little rock is to you, your choice.
peace
hugs
tim...of USA
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smith
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On fire! |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 1095
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smith, you dope (I can say that) ~ It was just a dang rock....not everyone appreciates rocks
Today's another day......there'll be things to laugh about, ways to make people happy. I start my new 2nd summer job today, general cleanup guy for the vet. The yuck part is cleaning the cages but the yippee side is exercising the animals. He has a great big back grassy fenced in place and I get to let the dogs run and play. Is cool !
I know you don't remember that I did this last summer but the Library called and want me to run the summer program again. That's a great thing to do. It's only 3 days a week so I can prolly do it.
ps....Andy, I have shells too. I used to make up stories about where they came from and what they'd seen. I had hermit crabs for pets too and searched for shells to give them to replace the outgrown ones.
Anyway....Thanks for letting me vent. My heart will hurt sometimes over a person, a story, a slight; intentional or not, but I always bounce back. Thanks for talking to me.
smith
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A few more random (and, again, I hope germane) thoughts:
It may have been "just a dang rock" (I like that word, "dang"; it seems even more expressive than the "dirty word" it replaces!), but I think it was symbolic of "beautiful things" in general, and the differences in the way they're perceived. Take a tree, for example. One person looks at a tree and sees its strength, the marvelous complexity of its network of branches, the cooling shade it provides, and (most importantly) the most integral role it plays in maintaining our living environment; another looks at a tree and sees it only as either something getting in the way of something, or the thing that can be made from the tree and sold for money. Which person is truly the richer? The same goes for such things as stones and sea-shells, too.
smith, I know your love for animals will more than compensate for the "yucky" part of that veterinary assistant's job; and the fact that the library contacted you and wants you to head that summer program again this year clearly indicates that you did an awesome job last summer. It is indeed a great thing to do (just make sure, though, that my hero Harry Potter is at the top of the "required reading" list! [ ]
May you (and all of us) remain ever-resilient to those slings and arrows that life hurls at us (and do continue to "vent" whenever you feel the need to; it always provides food for thought for the rest of us).
We do not remember days...we remember moments.
Cesare Pavese
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Jams, Many people (including me) personalize things that maybe they shouldn't (I am not saying you are doing that, just that i have). I have been hurt many times in my life by things just like that. It has taken me many years to learn that the other person never meant to make lite of the gift, or meant to hurt me in any way. The feeling comes from inside. I have found I am extremely sensitive about things and have learned to deal with thing diferently than in the past.
It was easy to find that kind of thing depressing and hurtful. But I also know know that I gave that pain the power it had over me. Took an awful long time to see it differently. A book called Personality Plus by Florence Littauer helped me a great deal. For you it might be something else. But it is worth the effort anyway.
Keep the stone, it might come in handy.
Much love to you JAMS,
Miss you.
Kevvy
P.S. Still waiting for 18 hehe
"Be excellent to each other, and, party on dudes"!
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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awww u make me feel bad...
i woulda taken it and charished it comiing from a good friend. i still have alot things good friends gave me...
i kno how that feels sometimes...when i am trying to talk to my friends and it takes em a while to realize im trying to speak to em it kinda crushes me inside...but then someone else comes along and we make fun of a teacher or hes making fun of us ( lol my science teacher is bad to us).
lol i shoudnt make a big deal about it but it does hurt sometimes...
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I like rocks too... 
Re: Just something that happened yesterday 
People can really be so trite sometimes. 
Haha ! Reply to my own self... 
